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SYNTHETIC CINEMA
WHEN the East Teabone Literary and Sunday Afternoon Hiking Society decided to make home-talent movies for the benefit of the starving Armenians, they appointed Mr. Feeber director, because he had been a second lieutenant at Plattsburg and owned a pair of leather puttees. Also, he had a camera.
The project had been instigated by Louella Mae Hodkins-Prouty, otherwise known as the laurel-crowned poet of South Wallingford Avenue. Louella Mae had a perfectly gorgeous idea for a scenario (which she was always at great pains to call a "shanayrio" — backing her Webster's Unabridged against all Hollywood and hoi polloi) .
"It is called 'Love's Awakening,' " she explained as she showed Mr. Feeber the script. "The heroine, Phylia Armityge, is a nervous, high-strung orphan with a fondness for one-legged men. She is the ward of an eccentric millionaire — "
"A sort of psychopathic ward," suggested Mr. Feeber.
" — who insists that she must marry a onelegged man or be cut off without a shilling. A handsome young brush salesman named Herman Delashmutt comes to sell her some brushes, and she falls in love with him, but as he has two legs, she realizes that her passion is hopeless. He continues t o
Eighteen
By Weare Holbrook
Drawings by Alan Dunn
comes the war "
"What war?" inquired Mr. Feeber, waking up with a start.
"The World War," replied Louella Mae. "Herman enlists and is sent
overseas "
"Listen, Mr. Feeber protested. "We can't possibly get together a cast of more than fifty, and I doubt whether the property man can lay his hands on a single battleship. Can't you make it a Kentucky mountain feud?" "And Phylia becomes a Red Cross nurse," continued Louella Mae complacently. "Many months laier, on the battlefields of France, she finds a soldier's leg which has been cut off "
"Without a shilling," added Mr. Feeber.
"As soon as she sees it, she realizes that here is the man of her dreams — or at least part of him. She picks up the leg and
call on her, however, and every time he calls, she buys a brush from him. At last, when all his brushes are gone, they say farewell, and he goes to Cincinnati. This is very sad. Then
"ORVILLE LANDED AMONG THE KNIGHTS OF PYTHIAS, WITH DAPHNE ON TOP OF HIM".
"Really," interrupted Mr.
Feeber, "don't you think that's
a bit gruesome? Besides, where
are we going to get any loose
legs?"
"Old Mr. Entwhistle has an artificial limb," Louella Mae confided. "And I'm sure he'll be only too glad to lend it to us, if we tell him it is