Exhibitors Herald World (Oct-Dec 1930)

October 4, 1930 EXHIBITORS HERALD-WORLD 41 McCOOK, NEB. DEAR HERALD-WORLD: This is the home of Senator George W. Norris — that is, it's his home when he is here. But he's only here during senatorial campaigns. George doesn't know we are in town tonight, which will be perfectly all right with both of us. •But speaking of politics (although we haven't said anything about politics), we wonder if the readers would be interested in knowing what we would do were we the boss of these United States of America right now. Assuming they would (although it is somewhat doubtful), we will outline our program and then they can cast their ballots for the other fellow, which will be all right with us also. If we were boss of the United States, the first thing we would do would be to annul a number of special committee assignments and send the boys home to hunt up a job for themselves. Then we would reduce the Naval appropriation by exactly 96 millions of dollars and apportion this amount among the 48 states, with the understanding it was to be used in the construction and maintenance of highways. We would attach a rider to this appropriation, specifying that all employes under this appropriation must be bona fide citizens of the United States and be able to savvy what the boss said when he told 'em to grab a shovel and go to it. A good cement road over some of the mudholes we have traveled would look better to us than the whole United States Navy out on dress parade. In this day of bombing planes and submarines, a battleship would be just about as useful as horns on a Plymouth Rock hen. And the only time it would become necessary to clear the deck for action would be when the Navy football team came on deck for practice. If those birds across the water want to fight, we are in favor of letting 'em fight. And if they swell up and get chesty and want to step on the tail of Uncle Sams coat, we are in favor of Sam telling 'em to come on over and we will give 'em a helluva trimmin' just to show 'em that we want to be accommodating and kinda sociable-like. That's us, Mable, from the neck down, but we are not the boss. * * * We know of only one class of people (and we are not very well acquainted with them ) that can lie like hotel clerks. You walk up to the desk and register and the clerk advises you, with a very pained expression, that he is sorry but that he has nothing left but a fourdollar room. You ask him if that is just for one room or the whole hotel, that you were not figuring on buying the place, and that a room for a dollar and a half or two dollars would be about your size. Then he will tell you to wait a moment, he thinks there is a man going to check out and if so, you can have his room for two dollars. Then you realize that you exceeded the speed limit when you said two dollars. If you had stopped at a dollar and a half, the clerk would have stopped there also. If old Ananias would come back here now, he could find a lot of congenial company around hotel desks. (The boys are not selling film.) # * * We came up through the Republican river valley yesterday and we saw some of the best corn we have seen anywhere in the United States this season. They say the reason why they named the stream the Republican river was because it is so crooked. Senator Norris has his political home in this valley and that may have accounted in part for the name. (No, Gertie you are all wet, you have guessed our politics entirely wrong .) The other night we stopped at a tavern and they soaked us two bucks and a half for a room. The bed we had was one of these grainhopper beds, the kind that slopes to the center from both sides and both ends. When we went to sleep we were doubled up like a jack-knife and when we woke up in the morning both hind feet were hanging over the dashboard and our head was resting on the floor. Yet there are some people who are still bragging about what a wonderful thing Columbus did! * * * If we could stand on the bank of the Salmon river at Salmon, Ida., at the back end of Fishy Phil Rand's lot, and fish for salmon, you could have all the rest of the fun in the world. We are pretty well acquainted with Phil, but he has two faults that we don't approve of. He don't care to fish and he knows the names and addresses of more good-looking lady stars than any man in the United States, unless it might be Grasshopper Sprague of Goodland, Kan. Outside of these two weaknesses, we would rate Phil as a right good boy. ♦ * * SCOTTSBLUFF, NEB. When we came through Imperial yesterday, E. C. Dittman of the Imperial theatre was just starting out to play golf and he wanted us to go with him. Our rule through life has been that if business interferes with golf, cut out the business. But in this case we couldn't do it. We had to get over here to Scottsbluff for Sunday. In addition to being a "monstrosity" (as that Kentucky exhibitor called us), we are the most self-sacrificing guy in the world. We remember we held a fellow's horse for two hours one night while he was in the house buzzing our girl and when he came out he didn't even thank us. We have always thought he was a pretty darned ornery guy. When we got to Scottsbluff last night, the main street looked like a Democratic parade in the Loop in Chicgo. They stormed Billy Ostenburg's Egyptian theatre like Grant stormed Richmond and when the rush was over Billy was flattened out like a pancake. Billy was playing one of these machine-made pictures where they used one of these college story moulds. We don't recall the name of the picture, it was one of that kind where they initiated a guy into some kind of a fraternity that sounds like "Eet-a-bite-a pie" and they hold the sucker out in the rain until he catches cold and has the hay fever. And the last we saw of him he had both feet in a tub of hot soapsuds and was talking through his nose. We told Billy he ought to be ashamed of himself to take the money. Our visit here has turned out just as we expected. We wanted Billy to play golf with us the next day but he had an alibi. He was putting in one of these pee-wee golf courses and couldn't get away. We never knew just what ailed that boy until now. Aside from Billy's pee-wee weakness, he's one of the best theatre operators in the West and his Egyptian theatre has all the comforts and conveniences that anybody has a right to expect, he has a HERALD-WORLD plaque, which he displays under a spotlight and which adds tone and distinction to his theatre. At Julesburg, Colo., we met our good friends, Mrs. Zorn and her daughter, who operate Julesburg's popular playhouse. They are associated with two other theatres and have a HERALD-WORLD plaque in each of them, which goes to show that they are keeping up with the procession. We found the same to be true with Mr. and Mrs. Jensen, who operate the Silver Hill theatre at Oshkosh. They are two most delightful people who seemed real glad we called. At Ogallala we called on Mr. Goodall, who manufactures the Goodall talking device, and spent a couple of very delightful hours in his factory. We have run onto a great number of these devices, as far east as Ohio, and especially throughout the middle west, and they all seem to be giving perfect satisfaction. They are now equipping this device for sound-on-film. J. C. JENKINS, The HERALD-WORLD man. P. S.— The HERALD-WORLD COVERS THE FIELD like an April shower.