Modern Screen (Jan-Dec 1960)

le release permitting the doctor to perirm the surgery. Although the doctor saved my chances of ;coming a mother, as the months went i there still was no sign that a baby as on the way. We moved into a big, ;autiful modern style home on top of a 11 in a California suburb called Granada ills, but it didn't bring me the happi;ss I expected. I found myself going om room to room and crying. The lovegarden, the open feeling of the house, ie den with the practical cork floors and special yellow room with built-in shelves 1 cried out for the presence of a child. Jirnmie had even consented to taking sts himself, but the results proved that e reason lay with me, not him. I felt that I was a failure as a woman, became self-reproachful and sad. I felt iat I had failed Jimmie. What good was as his wife if I couldn't give him a child? t the agency Jirnmie was wonderful. He would take e in his arms and tell me he loved me. e'd maintain that somehow, some day, e would have a baby. And one night ; suggested that we go down to the doption Institute of Los Angeles and 5 ply again. Jimmie was like a little boy the morning e were to go to the adoption offices and eet the investigators. He went through s closet a dozen times to try to decide i just the right thing to wear to impress em. "If I wear this sport jacket I might ok too young," he said. "And if I wear is dark suit I might look too dressed up. ou know, honey, I don't think I ever snt to an audition as flustered as I am )W." We walked into a great, big room that as filled with other couples, like ourIves, who wanted babies. Jimmie looked rious in a grey suit and navy tie, and e cowlick that he'd tried to slick down that he would look dignified was mis•having and had sprung up, giving him at boyish look he wanted to avoid. We filled out reams of papers and then e went home to wait. Every day we dted for the phone to ring telling us we Duld have our baby. We were approved our lovely home, our paid-up cars, the Dney in the bank and Jimmie's career lich was now on a stable level — made e picture completely different than it had en a year ago. It was only a matter of 'ne. With some justification, I began to get at nursery ready. And then another dw fell. Jimmie's TV show was being msf erred to New York and we had to ck up and leave. This meant that the option proceedings had to be canceled. 'Jirnmie was as disappointed as I was, it he was still a pillar of strength. "Who 'e we to question what the good Lord s in store for us?" he said. "Maybe this part of His plan, that we wait a while "iger." "Jimmie has always been a religious pern, and so have I. It was our faith that "rried us through the latest setback in r attempt to have a baby. i unfruitful stay r.We took a six-month lease on an apartsnt in New York, which represented the I igest we'd ever stayed in one place. Then f rimie and I sat down and talked and [ cided that since we were going to be rtled for a while in one place I should get iether with a specialist and go through ! the tests to try to get at the root of ." trouble. ! The doctor was a kindly man who unr stood our frantic desire for a baby. I v/ent to him regularly and took every id of test that might help me. When I underwent the Rubin test, which is a rather painful test to blow out the tubes in case there is any obstruction that would prevent pregnancy, I was elated when it was discovered that one of the tubes was closed. I felt that now that something tangible was discovered, and could be corrected, maybe I would become pregnant. The desire to have a baby had almost become a fetish. I was becoming tense and nervous. I took hormone pills regularly. I followed a temperature chart beside our bed. After several months of this, Jimmie came home and announced that we would be taking off for a tour in Australia as soon as his television show was finished for the season. I was so disappointed that our stay in New York had come to an unfruitful end that I blew my top. I tore up the chart, threw the thermometer against the wall and tossed the pills in a basket. "Nothing has helped me," I wailed. Jimmie laughed. "The heck with all this, honey. If the pills don't give us a baby, the good Lord will." Thoroughly discouraged by this time, I decided to forget about having a baby for the time being. I would go to Australia with Jimmie, have fun and when we returned we would re-open our adoption proceedings. For the first time in a long time I felt relaxed and let go of my feel Learn Some Answers About Your Favorite Stars * Which star was radio's Sam Spade? Which girl star's real name is like that of a famous philosopher ? What actress eats raw potatoes for breakfast? * Find the answer to these and other interesting questions in MODERN SCREEN'S SUPER STAR CHART Learn 4810 facts about the stars! Just mail 25 cents in coin with the coupon below. Box 515 Super Star Information Chart Times Square P. O. New York 36. N. Y. Enclosed please find 25 cents in coin. Please rush my copy of MODERN SCREEN'S SUPER STAR INFORMATION CHART Name Address City Zone .... State .... ings of inadequacy and anxiety. The typhoid and smallpox shots that I had to take before going overseas made me very sick. I could hai-dly get up for breakfast and I was drained of all energy. When I complained to my doctor that the overseas shots were not agreeing with me, he gave me a blood test. A little rabbit I had just returned home when my phone rang. "Guess what?" the doctor said cheerfully. "I can't guess," I replied miserably. "You can't go to Australia with Jimmie." "Oh no," I said, slumping into a chair. You mean those overseas shots made me too ill?" "No," said the doctor firmly. "I mean a little rabbit just told me you can't go traipsing around the world. Not in your condition." "In my condition?" It took a minute. "Oh, you mean in my condition?" "Exactly," said the doctor. I was reeling. "Can I tell Jimmie?" "Well," replied the doctor, "it's customary for the wife to break the news." Jimmie was rehearsing his TV show at the theater on Broadway. I wanted him to savor the full joy of the news. I called Western Union and blurted: "Send this wire to Jimmie Rodgers: YOU ARE GOING TO BE A FATHER. HOW ABOUT THAT? I LOVE YOU. COLLEEN. And please send it as quickly as possible." "Ma'am," said the Western Union operator, "if I could leave my desk I would take it to him myself." I found Jimmie, an hour later, stretched out on his dressing room couch, a cup of hot bouillon in one hand, the wire in the other. He was staring up at the ceiling. I'd never seen such a look of bliss on his face. The director tore in. "Your husband is in a daze. We haven't been able to get him to do a thing for the past hour. What's in that blamed telegram anyway?" It hasn't been clear sailing. Many times since then Jimmie and I have had to turn to God to save our baby. Only a short while ago, after we were settled back in our home in Granada Hills, I awoke in the middle of the night with sharp abdominal pains. Jimmie's hand shook as he dialed for the doctor. As we waited for the doctor to arrive, we both prayed. We became even more frightened when Dr. Kaplan ordered me into the hospital for immediate surgery. Again it was a throwback to my accident. A tumor had formed and was pressing against the uterus. All I could think of was the baby. "Dr. Kaplan, whatever you do, please don't touch the baby." As I was about to be wheeled down the corridor into surgery, Jimmie leaned over to kiss me. He pressed something into my hand. It was our little St. Genesis medal. Guide Our Destinies is inscribed on it. In the past, any time anything very big has faced us, we have kissed the medal. And then we would be relieved, knowing that we were in God's hands, our destinies guided by a Divine Force. Jimmie held the medal to my lips. I kissed it. He took the medal and held it up to his lips. He had been on the verge of tears, but now his face looked serene. "God will watch over our baby," said Jimmie slowly. I was operated on that night and I was told I was in surgery three hours. When I opened my eyes I saw Jimmie's face in a foggy world. "Is the baby all right?" I asked. "Our baby is all right," said Jimmie. "Our baby is all right." END 57