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^olds Open Court
he Charge: Murder, First Degree
he Accused: Hollywood
he Prosecutor: Morgan Farley
to but picturie people, not place to go but picture jherings. Very dull. HeighVery dull.
Unprintable Testimony
PROSECUTOR: Thank you, Miss Bennett. You will observe, dies and Gentlenien of the Jury, that se two young women are successful in Uywood. Their attitude is decorated by no sour-erape tif. I now will call upon a man equally upsydaisy. arles Bickford, will you please take the stand.' Mr. :kford, what is your opinion of Hollywood.' \lr. Bickford: (Note by Scribe: Mr. Bickford's testiny is deleted by order of the court as unprintable.) 'Prosecutor: Thank you, Mr. Bickford. And I wonder )art of your annoyance is colored by the fact that your r oddly turned red under the movie sun-arcs.' No.' 11, at all events I now will call on an authentic redid. Jim Tully, will you take the stand, bo.' i\lr. Tully: Sure I will! But what I say will cost you a i^cV a word. Kipling gets it, why shouldn't I.' You •fji't pay it.' Well, it's good publicity anyway . . . HoUyleiod.' Jeeze! Ernest Hemingway asked me now I could we in such a place. It's easy. Don't pay any attention •fir, or any of the (another deletion) people in it!
Beer Indictment
')ROSECUTOR: Mr. Tully, is your attitude toward the town fairly representative of that of the other big 3ts of contemporary literature.' I refer to state ;nts by such men as Dreiser, Aldous Huxley, Carl \fiiin Vechten, Hergesheimer and Mencken — to the • ;^neral effect that the place is a bucket of ashes. Tully: Don't call that cream-puff Van Vechten a _ shot, the pink-tea-splasher! And, as for Hergeeimer — well, did you read "Tampico".' Dreiser IS a good boy once, but we younger guys are coming >ng too fast for him. Hank Mencken doesn't e It anywhere where the beer is bad. AProsecutor: As it is here ?
jri/Z/y.' As it is here! You said it. No need to rub it in. UProsecutor (sadly): Aye, as it is here. Thank you, Mr. illlly. And say! Are these actors ever going to learn Sver to lead with a right.' (Turns to jury) And those, ^dies and Gentlemen, are but a few of the many witnesses I my disposal, who are ready to testify to Hollywood's 'neral banality. I have selected them carefully, as being resentative of the film colony's best along social,
Itistic, dramatic and literary lines. You will note that it one of them is fooled by the town's false glamour. Hollywood, we are informed passionately, is peerless at ^^erytning. Peerless climate, peerless salaries, peerless ■sessions, peerless people. Yet to a not inconsiderable
percentage of its population, it is not quite so peerless at anything else as it is at being peerlessly painful.
True, in the interests of the justice and truth for which this court stands, one must admit that the group which, if I may say so, gives the celluloid city the bird, are not notoriously well-satisfied with anything in particular. They have, if I make myself clear, well-developed critical faculties.
They are critical — but, damme, they also are interesting, intelligent and alive! The kind of people whose slightest good word is of more value than a whole chorus of the type whose conversation is summed up in the word "yes.' {Continued on page Sj)
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