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BUMPTIOUS AS ROMEO.
45
"Swear not at all," a distinct swear word came from Larkin's vicinity, and, when Borneo's face became overshadowed, the humorist suggested with all the politeness in the world, "Er, I'll trouble you, sir, to do that scowl over again." This brought the retort from Bumptious of "impudent scoundrel!" whereat Larkyn, being equal to any occasion, exclaimed, "Say Bumptious, you musn't gag so much."
And so the rehearsal continued, coming to an end in the small hours of the morning. As he was leaving Larkyn pressed a small note into Muddlework's hand, and then retired without so much as a nod to the great president. Muddlework opened the note, and read:
"When Nature was making an ugly race, She certainly moulded Bumptious'
face As a sample without any doubt. It must be confessed that prejudice
goes Very strongly in favor of having a nose, Yet a nose shouldn't look like a snout !"
Muddlework gave a guffaw, and hurried from the room, dropping the note in his haste. Later on Bumptious picked it up, and his indignation plainly showed what might have happened to Larkyn, had not the latter made such a sudden exit.
The night of the performance came at last, and the Town Hall was crowded. The noise behind the scenes was even greater than the tumult in the front of the house. Bumptious was made up in a truly fearful fashion, presenting the aspect of a man who had just emerged from a meal sack. When all was ready — some three quarters of an hour after the advertised time — the curtain rose a few inches, and then stubbornly refused to budge any more.
"Look!" cried a youngster at the back. "There's legs'! I spy Bumptious."
The townsfolk never forgot that night. Nor has Bumptious. The performance got so execrably bad that on the rise of the curtain for the third act nearly everybody had left the Hall. By the time the tragedy was finished •the auditorium was perfectly empty,
'ROMEO AND JULIET" AS IT SHOULD BE PLAYED.