Motography (Jan-Jun 1918)

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March 2. 1918. MOTOGRAPHY 425 4 'Laugh and the World Laughs with You A THREE COLUMN CURE FOR THE BLUES 99 D/.VG LARDXER. noted humorist, ■*■*■ wrote the following for The Chicago Tribune a few days ago: It's a Tuesday morning and I'd amazingly love to eat a Cold Boiled Prune. I shall never be able to tell one-tenth of my quaintly-vulgar Tuesday morning fondness for a Cold Boiled Prune. But now I must work, work, work, work, work. So I write me this stuff of me. I find Me in this Chicago-Illinois, in a sweetly madison street picture-show. I am fascinatingly-B. & Oly late. The things I see are garbedly-tangled into an indescribable heap in my abdomen. I can write of them only vaguely-jumbley. The picture is You, Mary MacLane, and your Passionate Male Sextet. I see your white flannel-trouseredly naughty boy. And I see your portfolioly pen-pushing black-black-black bow-tied writerman. ' And your too easily ossified son-of-abaronet. And your napkin-in-his-necked box fighter. And yoiir anti-alcoholic bucolic bank clerk. And your married devil-in-his-ownhome-town. I see all six of the Men Who Have Made Love to You (and by the way, Mary, I'll say you weren't entirely on the defensive). And I hear them and others subtitley addressing you with such remarks as "Say listen" and "I should worry" and "You're some jane" and "For God's sake, lay off him." And I see you standing for it. And I must admit that even if you do play with a doll and drink cocktails and don a kimono at 7:50 p. m., I'm off'n You, Mary MacLane. and never again will I believe that a girl is damnably different because of what she says in a book. You're a broken idol with I. Ring Lardner, and in spite of my futile wayof-life and my rotting destroying halfacquiescence in it I have a furious positive Murder in me. I do not know why I don't do the Murder. It is not from fear of consequences— not in this Chicago-Illinois. It would be simpler and finer for me to do this Murder than to keep it in me. It would be a simpler and finer thing to do any Murder than to feel, even once, the strangling damnedness rising, rising at my throat. I wish I'd been born a Wild Boar. * + + Overheard by Irving Mack at the Chicago exchange of the LTniversal Film Manufacturing Company: First exhibitor — Yep, advertising put me out of business. Second exhibitor — Is that so? I didn't know you advertised. First exhibitor — I didn't, but my competitor did. •fr * ■!• While Goldwyn's screen version of "Thais" was being played at the Strand Theatre in Evansville. Ind., a woman patron telephoned to ask what the bill was. It was morning and two negro porters were the only persons in the house. The following conversation ensued: Patron — What is playing at the Strand today? Porter — Mary Garden in "Them Is." Patron (indignant) — What? Porter (after conferring with other porter) — I was mistaken, lady. The other fellow says it's Mary Garden in "They Is." ■fr + <■ "What is a pippin?" This question is being asked William Bertram, director of the Pathe star, Baby Marie Osborne, by his friends. The answer is embarrassing to "Willum." Recentlv the babv looked into the face of Bertram when she was asked if she loved her director, and declared she did, clapping her tiny hands and exclaiming, "He's a pippin." In a few moments she was rubbing the nose of a Rocky Mountain canary, and pulling down one of his long ears she whispered into it: "You are a pippin." Bertram refuses to see the joke. * * * "The kaiser gets my goat," said Wallace MacDonald, who will be seen in Triangle's new picture, "The Shoes That Danced." "Mine, too," chirped in Pauline Starke and Dick Rosson, who appear in the same photoplay. "Evidently," said Director Frank Borzage, "the kaiser's scheme is to get the goats of a hundred million Americans, have them shipped over to Germany and fed to his people." Mrs. Irene Lee, mother of Jane and Katherine Lee, the William Fox "Baby Grand" stars, was trying to impress upon Jane, aged five, the necessity of telling the truth at all times. Washington's Birthday was approaching. "George Washington had difficulties enough for ten men," Mrs. Lee told Jane, "yet he never told a lie." "Maybe that's why he had so much trouble," piped Jane. Charles Ray often has a laugh over an incident which occurred in the days when he was struggling for fame along the vaudeville circuit (small time). He and Chester Conklin were partners and one morning they set out from a small hotel for an early train. There was a particularly beautiful and rosy break of day. They saw a man sitting by a fence babbling, and thinking he might be hurt, asked him what the trouble was. "Trouble nothing," he replied, "I'm lookin' at (hie!) the beauful shunshet." George Hernandez, who frequently is seen in Triangle productions. "Consomme Solo" "The Consomme Solo" is the title of a bit of laughable pantomime in Don Barclay's one-reel Essanay comedy, "Check Your Hat, Sir?" Barclay, -in a cafe, observes another patron drinking his soup in "fortissimo" and walks over. Using a fork for a baton, he assists in the "musical rendition" and proves his claim to being the "funniest man in the Ziegfeld Follies," from which he was borrowed for this picture.