The phonoscope (Nov 1896-Dec 1899)

THE PHONOSCOPE 13 While the field of the Phonograph is a wonderfully large one, yet it reaches its limits, like every . , thing else in this world for^fefe^S that matter. The recent I attempt of the Sophomores of ' — ^— ^ Ithaca to give their orations by talking machines was very laughable. The Professors found out what was in the wind and promptly vetoed it, but not before several rehearsals had been held to demonstrate its feasibility. The Freshies found it out, too, and invaded one of their trials with pitchers of water, which they poured into the Phonograph horns with dire results. The practicability of the scheme is assured, however, and some day we may hear of a *g|p> commencement conducted entirely by machine talkers. This reminds me of an occurrence that happened several years ago, when the Phonograph was first brought out. A very advanced Dominie at Hasbrouck Heights, N. J., conceived the idea of a novel Sunday evening service ; so he prepared his sermon — a short one — and several hymns and scripture readings the day before on a number of cylinders ; and he /^~% actually held the meeting, "as advertised." The affair <1 created quite a sensation at the time, I remember ; quite a sensation indeed. Inside of a month the Rev. Mr. Dominie was preaching in a church out West,— preaching, mind you, — no more Phonograph for him. truth of the saying, place." Well, it simply proves the "Everything in its proper The Phonograph for dictation in business offices has long been a success. Instead of talking to a prepared cylinders, until a dozen or so are ready for the typewriter clerk. Then he is called from his work and transcribes the records at leisure. See? He is working all the time while you are dictating. With hearing-tubes in his ears, he puts each cylinder on another Phonograph in front of his typewriter, and pegs right along. There's no loss of time. He's always working and he's much cheaper than a "steon. graph er and typewriter." experiment has been tried also some success, of sending the record, just exactly as you've talked into it, by mail or express, directly to your correspondent. It has remained for Mrs. Openeer to discover the most novel use for the v. /Phonograph as an enter/ijtainer. She gave a "Voice Guessing Party" last week, and we had all kinds of fun and jollity over the funny guesses. It's somewhat similar to a "Perfume Party." You know how that's done. Twelve or fifteen little vials, all alike as to appearance, are filled with different perfumes. It adds to the perplexity of the guessers to include vinegar, alcohol, benzine, turpentine, chloroform or kerosene. Then the contestants smell and guess, and the winner of the prize is the one who has the longest correct list. My wife conducted her party on a similar plan. Each guest made a three minutes' talk into a Phonograph in separate rooms (we borrowed two other machines for the evening), and after every one had talked or sung, either in natural voice or disguised, we played the records before all the assembled guests. Each was provided with paper and pencil. The scheme was immense. You can imagine the hilarity that greeted the wild guesses when the results were declared. A surprising number of the voices were guessed correctly, however, and the entertainment was voted by all to be a very happy success. I tell you, my friends, it takes a Phonograph every time to be ^1 a fun-maker. CZ~^ I represent a chemical syndicateIt's a far cry from sulphuric acid and by-products to Phonographs, I know, but you will see the connection presently There's a town I strike when I'm on the road where there is a most unique collection of stories : unpublished, unbound, yet indestructible, and most carefully preserved. The genius who is . making the collection does L ! . giddy and unreliable young lady stenographer (not all of them, I assure you, O ye wives of busy husbands, but sometimes — quite often), the letter is talked, just the same, into the specially 1' business in Louisville, what street I won't say, and whenever a drummer shoots a good story at him he says, "Hold up — come here," and then and there, on the spot, he embalm Mr. Drummer in wax ; and like a fly in amber, his funny tale is preserved for all time. I've sat by the hour listening to stories ; and such stories. Cylinder after cylinder, every one different. Every now and then I'd recognize a fellow knight of the road ; some I hadn't met for years, some dead. I do not hesitate to say that Mr. Blank's collection of stories hasn't an equal whole world. Some mildest of them, and expurgated, are often heard in vaudeville ; but for the most part, the "Louisville records" are to be heard only by the favored few who are in the ring. I have lately heard of other collections, but none to equal that of the pioneer, Mr. Blank. g-s^ I told my wife about Blank's collection the last time I made home after a three weeks' flier, and gave her a sketch — very sketchy indeed — of some of the yarns. She said, "Capital idea !" and before I knew what she 1 was about she started what is ; now known to my friends as "Openeer's Voice Album." As a novelty, it proves very interesting to visitors, and bids fair to be as popular as the old-fashioned autograph collections, and, in fact, supplements that and the photograph album most beautifully. We limit ^ our friends to a half -minute's ^^1?'' talk, first announcing the QmBfk name and following with a funny short talk, or a touching sentiment, or a bit of poetry ; and really, we have a delightful way of entertaining our guests, as anyone has made Phonograph records for friends well knows. The recent hot and bloody work before Santiago, in Cuba, has made one of my wife's Voice Album records of inestimable value Smith, of the 71st New York, was my cousin, and was among the first to try the effect of his voice on a wax cylinder. His name comes out loud and clear, and then these words : — "Of all the fish in sea or lake The bloomin' codfish takes the'cake." It's funny, but it's sad too ; for poor Smith was shot through the lungs with a Mauser bullet and died seven days afterward. When his father learned of the record , we had he bought the finest, most Young