Photoplay (Jan-Jun 1963)

Continued from page 68 was. Now that I’m a mother. I think I’m ! less selfish; that’s the main thing. I think I really am less spoiled and less selfish. They say when you're married you become one, it’s not “me” anymore; it’s “we.” I l didn’t find this true. I really found it came I finally true when I had the baby. Because now I say — now, if lie’s well. I'm | happy, which has never been like that with me; I’ve never been like that before. I’ve always been “I” first, and now it's the baby and Bobby first. And it’s only since the baby that I realize this. I think mainly now, for my son. for our son, to keep him sensible and to go to public school like other kids, and not to ! be something different. Every mother | wants the best for her children. He will have the best. I know this, because we live very well, thank God. God’s been very good in that respect. We do live well. We work very hard sometimes, but we do. We have a crazy kind of life, and unfortunately we don't get to do things that most people would like to do, like go to a picnic. If you go to a public place, you're known. We’ve decided now, we just don't go. It’s more simple than getting into a hassle there. My kid’s got a rough road ahead of him. He has a doubly rough road, because he has parents who are in this business, and are well known. His friends are going to read about the parents; truths or untruths, they’re still going to read about them. It's going to be kind of hard to go up that road straight, but I guess God really balances it out. He will have a rough road because of his parents, and yet he will have the material things of life more than most, let’s say, “average” people. Bobby’s influence The friends Bobby and I have together — there’s not one of them in show business. The people that we pal around with are people actually that Bobby has grown up with. I’ve never really had friends before; I was working, I was the only child at Universal who went to school. Bobby has grown up with these people. They are friends because they work with Bobby; one is his conductor, the other is his arranger. his manager. They’re all young people. These are the people that we’re with constantly. When I read about Bobby — before we were introduced — I hated everything he stood for. I never met him but I had read articles on him. I met him and I still didn’t like him. He was to me still cocky and brash. I didn’t realize that it wasn’t cocky and brashness, actually; Bobby has a great honesty. He’s never lied to a publicity man. He’s not afraid to announce to any kind of reporter: “I will not have a picture taken of my son. I will not talk about my wife.” This is what he believes in. He’s often condemned for it. There’s a way to say “I don’t like the color black.” You can say. “I prefer blue," or you can say, “I hate black." He says, “I hate black." Unfortunately, he should have been a little bit more diplomatic, maybe. Not changed his basic ways. A little more diplomatic. Instead of saying “I don’t like your dress.” maybe say “I’ve seen you look better.” He can't color anything. Since lie’s married they say he’s more mature, liecause. I think, he’s learned to be a little more diplomatic. And I try to say. “Oh. honey, you shouldn’t have done that. You know they didn’t mean anything by it. Because he loves me. and he’s out with me. let’s say we go to a party, he won't do it because he knows it hurts me. And he will not change his way of looking at things; but I think lie’s learned now to be a little more diplomatic. And I think I've learned to be a little less afraid to open my mouth. Which, as I said before, kind of rubs off one another. Bohby won't tour Europe now. The baby’s too young to visit Europe because of the milk and water and all. and now it s no more getting into a car like we used to and going; it's the baby to nurse, the bottles, the crib, the dogs to make him happy. It’s all a whole entourage, all revolving around him. I want another one this year. Bobby'd lie shocked, but I do. Still. I enjoy working, which is why I’m doing it. It’s a pleasure; it’s a kick: it's fun. I don’t know what I ever did before I was married. I really don’t. I don't know what 1 did — I shouldn’t say “married,” because that sounds like a state of being or change or something; I should say, “before I met Bobby” and had the baby. I don’t know what I did at night ; during the day 1 know very well: I was always busy working. But. after six. I don’t know. I don’t ever like to see plays any more without him. Really. 1 have no ambition. He’s coming in tomorrow, and I couldn’t be happier; I haven't been out of the hotel. Bobby’s marvelous in one respect — and 1 guess a lot of people reading some magazines, whatever kind of press they read, wouldn't believe this — but he’s never objected to anything that I do or wanted to do. as long as it makes me happy. I’m not that “giving.” yet. I'm still a little selfish, because I'll say, “I don’t want to go here." Even though he really does want to go very badly I can still say this. If I say, “Bobby, I want to do this. I want to go here,” — if lie’s free for the evening, if he doesn't have to go to a club — of course, I don’t say that he’d leave his work — he’ll go, because he knows that it makes me happy. He would never say “quit”; not in a million years (and I've asked him for his opinion ) and he'd rather cut his right arm off than give his opinion to me. And there’s no truth to those stories that lie's a “little dictator,” making me sit there when lie’s working — oh. God, none. This separation, this is the first one in two years of marriage. And it is the last. I say very matter-of-factly. because it is. We understood we'd have to separate for this tour. It’s been bearable because we agreed to it. A promise is a promise. Of course, we’ve had more rumors of split-ups and divorce — which everybody in this business has. Now I take it in my stride; I don’t get upset. This is not a problem to us any more, publicity-wise. It doesn’t even bother me. But now that it’s here — Bobby’s traveling on one coast, and I'm on the other, it’s kind of difficult. He misses the baby terribly. The baby’s with me because I’m in one place for two weeks. Advice to young marrieds You add all these things with two young people married only two years, adjusting to one another. And there have been a great many difficulties that have to be ironed out; but they’re not anything unusual, really. Two young people adjusting — I think that everyone who has ever been married or hopes to be married should realize that it isn’t all roses; because it sure ain't. For instance, Bobby was brought up almost without any money whatsoever — in fact, they didn’t have money to eat. He is older than I am; much more mature. He went to a regular school. I was the opposite. 1 never went to school. I had money. I had a tutor. And these two people get married. I knew Bohby only six weeks before 1 married him. actually. And we were married, and here we are. I’d never been away from my mother. He'd never before had only one steady girl, really. He used to date all the time. He has worked for what he’s got; and. boy. he sure appreciates it. He is my stabilizer. Which is why we're very good for one another. I think. We’re opposite. So very opposite it’s not to be believed. I don't think there is one thing we really agree on. Food, taste, houses, clothes, the way to raise the baby. But it’s good, in the sense that all his sensibility, and being stable, and knowing where lie’s going — I bring the little bit of nuttiness that he needs. Don't think that lie' a real nut. or a kook. He isn't. He basically is not: he has such basic values that, you know — a man of forty doesn't have them yet : actually, lie’s that mature. But yet he can be like a little boy. I’ve learned to accept some of Bobby’s ways, and kind of grow a little older. I think it’s been very good; it’s been good for me. I know that. I love him verv much. Although I don't like rock-and-roll I listen to it because I know he likes it. He loves me very much. Although he hates roller coasters — I just love to go on them, lie'll go on them with me. We really usually eat in typically American restaurants. They serve a variety. When we’re at home. I go with Bobby; 1 have to say it. He wins out. Because he loves food, and I don’t. I mean. I eat because I’m hungry, but it doesn't matter that much. He appreciates what he’s eating. I kind of cater to him in that department. But I think it's marvelous when you learn that you're doing something not because you have to. but because you love a person. And you're making him happy. Career vs. marriage As to my career, I’ve been without Bobby, and I’ve had the career before Bobby, and since him. And I know what’s important. I really think I’ve learned this. I don’t think I can combine both over a long period of years. I think eventually I'll kind of outgrow this phase of loving to work. I think when it comes to the point of having more children, of having the children go to school — this may he off the * top of my head. I don't know; I haven’t gone through it yet — I do know that if I