Pictures and the Picturegoer (October 1915 - March 1916)

PICTURES AND THE PICTUREGOER 142 Week ending Nov. 13,1915 Curious Adventure ■**^\ . OVER-INDULGENCE in strong drink will lead to cartloads of trouble. A drunken man invariably gets into some hole or other before he is sober again. An exception to this rule, however, was once proved by a curious adventure that happened to me some years ago in which drunkenness got me out of a hole— and yet I was not really in drink, but merely pretending. : You may remember the bitterly cold winter of 1907. I was booked to appear in Edinburgh on Boxing Night in my character as the "drunk" in Ered Karno's Mummhitj Birds, and arrived at the Scotch capital on the afternoon of the 25th. We secured our rooms, and most of the company fixed up to spend the evening together. As for myself, an old school chum in Edinburgh who knew all about my visit had asked me to dine with him on Christmas Day. Having seen my luggage duly installed in my bedroom and obtained a latchkey from " Ma," I changed my clothes and sallied forth for my friend's house. It must have been about 1 a.m. on Boxing morning when I started to tramp back to my digs through the snow. I was tired out, as our last show had been at Bristol, and I had travelled all night. My friend's dinner had been excellent, ;md altogether I had spent a most enjoyable evening. We had not had more than a couple of goes of whisky each, and I was as sober as a judge — which was lucky, lor it' ever in my life I needed my wits about me it was on this particular night. As a matter of fact I am practically a teetotaller. As an acrobatic comedian abstinence to me is a case of necessity to say nothing of cli-ice. On setting out in the afternoon I had made a mental note ft' my new address. At any rate I was under the impression that it was 32, Lothian Road, 1 felt so sure of this that when my latchkey opened the front door it never occurred to me as a possibility that 1 could have •jot into the wrong house. 1 went upstairs and passed through my sittingroom, where the light was turned down quite low. into mj bedroom, which led direct l\ out of it. I then lit the gas und looked around me, M\ luggagewas not there, and presently I noticed that the room was not furnished the same as the one which I had taken in the afternoon. Then I saw, of course, that I had made a mistake, and resolved to beat a quiet retreat. I was about to do this when I heard footsteps in the sitting-room and then a voice, saying, "It's absolutely O K, Slaney. There must be at least *20.000 in the safe. It will be our best haul for many a long day." And another voice answered, " If you've got the tools all right we can get to work pretty soon, "Come to bed, ole girl." Jed ; the moon will be down by three o'clock." Naturally I pricked up my ears, and strained them for all they were worth. In 1 few t n e n.inutes II eird enough to tell me that an attack on the sate of the Anglo-Scottish Bank in Princes Street was going to he made in a couple of hours. It was more than awkward for me. tor I could not get away without. passing through the outer room, and I resolved to keep as quiet as a mouse. 1 prayed that no one would come in. and I racked my brain meanwhile to evolve a scheme whereby I could escape in the event of being discovered. An idea suddenly flashed across mj mind. I was known all over the countn as the most realistic " drank " that had ever trod the boards. Here, then, was my chance — to play my role with such intense realism that it would be taken for the real thing and enable me to get out of the house. A . quarter of an hour passed, perhaps—it seemed an eternity to me — and then I heard one of the men say " Where are the diamond-drills. Slaney.' " In the next room," replied Slaney Then I knew my time had come. It was now or never. The man called Slarey opened the dcor and entered the room. When he saw me his mouth simply dropped with fright and astonishment. But he instantly recovered, and called to his accomplice, "Look out ! There's a 'tec here." Iu the corner of the bedroom was a large figure in plaster of Paris of the famous Venus de Milo. I lurched a little towards Slaney, and hiccoughed out." Wassyer 'bin doin' to Maria i She's cold." Then I staggered lxiek wards, and placing my arm round the figure's waist murmured, " Come to bed, ole girl, d'yei me. dear." The statue making no reply, I gave it a pull, aud lurched backwards, clinging on to Venus for all I was worth. Wi both went down in a lump on the floor, and the beauty of the lady was a thing of the past. She lay scattered over the room in countless fragments. The max Jed rushed iu screaming. " The blanket] fool" (it was a lot stronger than that, but I've toued it down) " will wake the blankety ho'ise. and he will have the police in." Mj ruse was evidently working all right, so I reeled into the diningroom, and. seizing a Kittle of whisky, gulped down a spoonful, most of the remainder of the bottle going down my shirt-front. If the men had had any doubt as to whether 1 was really " well oiled" or only shamming it was certainly disposed of now. They looked at me with blank amazement, so 1 put Swinging tup bottle wildly bocnd*