Pictures and the Picturegoer (October 1915 - March 1916)

PICTURES AND THE FICTUREGOER 308 Week e HOC nrzioi — toe no CHEERLESS CHUMPS AT THE CINEMA Or M<'d and Misery for ihe Manager. By DUNCAN KEITH. inr-rm it HOC IO SCENE: lhe entrance-ball of tho Oimchester Palladium. DRAMATIS PERSON/E: The Resplendent One, the Oisgusted Patrol, the Irate Individual, and Clement the Knut WHATEVER iN real attractions, Dimche&ter did not stand high in reputation as a health resort. If it rained anywhere, it rained in this ■ thriving Midland town. Wage asserted that a small cloud was excuse for a drizzle, and if the sky was overcast it poured '"cats and dogs." It was thus one evening in December. Right along the High Street the rain had long been driving in furious gusts, and the only cosy corners other than one"s home seemed to be the picture theatres. Standing in the entrance-hall of the ' Palladium" was the Resplendent One. Aa evening suit of fashionable cut adi rued a manly frame; from the centre of a shirt of amazing whiteness glittered a brilliant stud, and a shiny topper of great lustre crowned a handsome head. The owner of all these things was the manager, and he was not in the best of moods. Only a few minutes since he had had a wordy tussle with three youths, who endeavoured to gain free admission upon one bill ticket which they had won from the billposter's boy, and. being new to the position he held, had to parry some nasty observations upon the iniquities of a '" manager from London " who did not understand local conditions; since then he had been culled to the assistance of an attendant engaged in a squabble with a couple of flappers" who insisted upon smoking cigarettes and giggling right through the Exclusive. No, the Resplendent One was not in a pleasant frame of mind, but. glory be, the house was full, and he could contemplate the future with satisfaction. He would gauge' local conditions, and then let his rivals tremble. Dimchester would sec what real live London experience could effect. There he stood, his bosom swelling with pride, as the Disgusted Patron came down the carpeted stairs. Here, maybe, was a cheerj old soul with whom he could at least pass the time of day. ''Wretched uight, sir." ventured the l! '-I'll mdenl One as a gust of swirling lain followed a belated couple ("Two sispennies, please") through the open di iors is too mild for such a replied lhe old geutle lived in this neighbouryears, ami whenever I come into town it pours with rain. I i egret t hat 1 came out in it. and 1 still jrel that I have come to tin's • Wretched' night as this," man. " I hav c li 1 for fifty confounded . theatre. I have been cheated by the management." '"Indeed, sir. May I ask in v. h t respect you have been disappointed? " "1 said 'cheated" sir. Deliberately defrauded." grunted the Disgusted Patron. "Surely not. Jt appeared^o me that the programme was (juite up to the average." '"I came to see Mary Pickford and Charlie Chaplin. My daughters -peak highly of both. The lady I did not and as ." , "But there's no Mary Pickford picture here to-night." "So I discovered after waiting two hours and a quarter. Let me tell you, sir, if I managed a picture theatre 1 would know how to keep faith witli the public/' "I believe that "is the desire of the management, sir. In fact 1 know it is. The essence of good business, so I have been taught, is to give value for money and to maintain the good opinion of your clients," replied the Resplendent One. " ' Clients ! ' My dear sir. please do not use a professional term for the patrons of a picture theatre. Your business sentiments are, however, sound. Do you, may I ask, often see the programme here? " *' I have not missed a programme for four weeks, and cannot understand your complaint," was the proud reply. " Then, I put it to you. whom 1 take to be a man of business as well as a man of the world " the Resplendent One bowed as the Disgusted Patron loudly blew his nose "that to advertise the appearance of an artiste on a sheet 'stretching the full width of the entrance and then to exhibit instead an absurd drama in which people with very ordinary features valiantlj endeavour to look intelligent, is fraud, downright fraud, sir. and nothing less. I ask you. is it the correct thine; (,, do r " " Probably not, but " ' Hut ' is not necessarj . pay good sir. Mary Pickford is across the front of the theatre as large as life." "Oh yes; I've seen the streamer, but 1 also saw the words ■ Monday nc\t.' " • ; deoi' me ! Whe sir. Tl i igbl in the corner." "Ah. ye-: 1 see. Tn lett three inches high. If I niaj and you. as an observant man will agj that i almost a c by false pietences. My shilling paid because I expected in-y Pickford. No. sir: yon cannot convince me that it is good business t<> do as the management of this thee "" But, sir. you can surely -?ee the ■ ■! ' -Monday next.' " S ircely, and to me that i evidence of the false pretem "The actress in question," m the Resplendent One," is a gr< at draw.' " Exactly, and that is tiefraudulent object of the | oster. But it -.ems p me that you are defending the practice. What is your reason, sir ? . . . Ah! here is my car. Probably you are also waiting for yours ? No? Then G night ! 1 mean to give the management my opinion of its duplicity. 1 shall write them and . . ." "Please, sir. you are wanted. 0 the thrupennies is a-carryi; . . rne think dreadful* At the top of the stairs the Irate Individual was shouting as two attendants -trove to keep him back. " I :' it ! Who do yer fink y< »u're shoi ing ? I paid to come "ere. I did, and I ain't going t" be pushed about by the likes o' ; Where's the blooming manag '"Down there, talking to that old gentleman." "Lorlummy! That flash bloke ! I'll give him diamonds." Pushing the attendants aside. the Irate Individual blundered down the and accosted the Resplendent One. "'Look 'ere. mister, are yon the t . this 'ere cinemar ? " he shouted. "I am the manager, my good man." replied the Resplendent One, his breast swelling with importance, "Dearie me!" gasped the Disg Patron to himself : "and I took him to V=s^^, ANOTHFR SWINDLE F.VBMEB GrbkN: "Ain't the public fooled: I stood ere a solid hour an' them blaraetl pictures ain't moved yet, I