Picture Play Magazine (Sep 1916 - Feb 1917)

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48 The Quitter takes a woman to bring real excitement to a burg. I've heern it said that some one uh us oughter give his shack a house cleaning an' install a wife in that same palace. But where are yuh goiir to git a wife? Ain't nothin' but dancehall girls among our circle uh acquaintances, and I reckon we don't stand fer no dance-hall fee-males comin' to the gulch." "We sure don't!" the miners answered in chorus. "Well, then, what's to prevent us advertisin' for one? Ain't none uh us strong on beauty, but I reckon Happy Tack's the tamest hombre among us, and since I've heern tell that he's been sorter hintin' at some uh us takin' a wife, I votes that we appoint this here merry Happy Jack to draw up in proper style an adver-tize-ment speakin' on his own behalf for a wife; an' that he ask for photygrafts to be inclosed with all and sundrv replies . . ." There was more of the speech — for Monte was strong on words ; but his voice was lost in the din of approval, and the miners hustled out to constitute themselves a deputation and put before the luckless partner their staggering proposition. Happy Jack was enjoying the comfort of a quiet hour, and reading for the third or fourth time a magazine two months old. when the ''deputation" crowded into his shack. Monte was spokesman, and Happy listened to the "will of the community" with amusement till Monte reached the climax and told him that the choice of husband for the prospective wife had fallen upon '"their distinguished fellow gulchman. Happy Jack Lewis." Then Jack's smiles vanished. He grew angry, swore, blustered, entreated, commanded by turns ; but Monte insisted there was no backing out. ''You never was a quitter, Jack," he said. "And you ain't goin' to begin now." He produced a sheet of paper and a stub of pencil and the dismayed young miner bowed to the inevitable. "Wanted — a wife!" he wrote, and then paused. A start had been made, at least, and there was a chorus of su£gestions. Finally this masterpiece of ad writing was adduced : Wanted — a wife. Xo brunettes or widows need apply. Young and handsome. For good man in respectable mining camp. Send photograph. Good treatment promised. Happy Jack's name was appended to the document, and copies sent to half a dozen newspapers in the State. For the next two weeks Jack's mail was an interesting one. It brought replies and photos from an assortment of would-be wives that failed to stir any emotions in his breast. Some of the letters were frivolous, flippant ; some were tearful. But when Happy had about given up hope he received this communication : Dear Sir: I should like to meet advertiser, to visit the respectable mining camp, and perhaps to marry, if we are both satisfied. I am twenty, at present engaged as stenographer, but very, very anxious to get away into the country of wide spaces. Inclosed is snapshot. It will give you an idea of what I am like. Please let me know how to reach your camp. Glad Mason. Gold City, June 21st. Maybe it was the name — Glad; maybe it was the candor of the letter, maybe it was the lovely face m the photograph; but. whatever it was, Happy was satisfied that the wife for Paradise Gulch had been found. In joyous mood, he went down to the Three Cheers. "Stick up your hands !" he shouted, and jerked out a big forty-four to show that he meant business. "Gone plumb crazy," muttered Monte, who, in his excitement, upset a bottle of whisky; but, like the rest of the miners in the saloon, he jerked his hands skyward. "You put this thing of gettin' a wife