Radio and television mirror (Jan-June 1949)

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Same money-back guarantee. ■ Rfi "■" " ' '" I Can't Even Get a Haircut" {Continued jrom page 57) "private eye" for tailing a car. His mother told him stories of the odd personalities she met and he believes this explains his love of odd characters. Herb's father was a tombstone engraver with a strong inventive streak. Until his mother gave him a harmonica one Christmas, Herb imitated his father and spent most of his time in the cellar tinkering with gadgets. He didn't find Indiana weather conducive to sports. "Summers are too short there," Herb explains. "Usually they come on Tuesdays." But Mrs. Shriner encouraged Herb's interest in the harmonica and often coaxed him into performing for her friends. She had a great Irish wit. At the age of seventeen. Herb became a semi-professional musician. It started when a group of his friends organized the Har-Maniacs. THEY discovered quickly that professional mouth organs cost about $25 apiece. With typical Hoosier bargaining, Herb made a deal with a music merchant. In exchange for good instruments, the Har-Maniacs would give a concert ir. his store window every Saturday night. The idea was good and successful, too successful. Police complained that the crowds on the street created a traffic hazard. After that engagements were easy to get and the Har-Maniacs were heard on the Hoosier Hop, a CBS network show that originated in Ft. Wayne and they played in the surrounding small towns. A year later Herb lit out for Detroit and. he hoped, the big time. Instead he wound up as a harmonica soloist in the Keith circuit. "We just kept moving and playing seven shows every day," Herb recalls. "And for that I got $40 a week and all the road maps I could eat." However, if it hadn't been for the heavy demands of vaudeville. Herb might never have become a humorist. It happened just about the same way Jack Benny switched from the violin to gags. In Herb's case, his lips were so sore and cracked one evening that he felt blood would flow if he blew another note. But there he was alone on a stage with an audience waiting. "I'm sure an unlucky guy," Herb thought, only he thought aloud and there was the audience watching, waiting for him to explain. "Yesterday I bought my first new suit in two years. It was a suit with two pairs of pants so this morning I burned a hole in the coat." It was a borrowed joke, but it worked. Laughs rolled down from the balcony, across the orchestra to the stage and Herb felt gratified. As the audience quieted, he felt panicky again. They were watching and waiting for more. Out of desperation Herb began to talk about his family and friends back in Indiana. He heard chuckles. He got laughs. A humorist was bom. Herb had plenty of chance to polish up his routine in the States and later in a six-month tour through Australia. While he was in the Antipodes, war broke out. He immediately booked passage on a Canadian ship and, fortunately, missed the boat. It was sunk. A few days later he boarded the last civilian ship to leave Melbourne. He had a quick visit with his mother before he began a tour with the USO and the famous Caravan shows. And just before he went in the army, he got his first chance at the big time. He was invited to appear on the Kate Smith radio program. Eager and excited, he boarded a train for New York. As the cars rolled across the country, he worked out his routine and worried: "Would the audience be cold? Would his pacing be off? Would they expect sophisticated gags?" As it turned out he was too good. The audience laughed so hard that Herb forgot about the studio clock and the frantic producer. He ran four minutes over time, committing radio's first, worst and most unforgivable sin. He hadn't much time to feel low, for the army got him and he was sent to the European theater with a rifle, a pocketful of rations, a few musicians and instructions to go into the front lines to entertain the boys. He even played for foreign troops and one of his most famous lines he often told through an interpreter, "The mail in our military unit is very good. Packages are delivered as fast as they can smash them." Before Herb returned to the States, he was made tech sergeant, was subjected to buzz bombs and made a strategic retreat from the Battle of the Bulge clad only in long woolen underwear. It was overseas he received a letter from his mother who with typical wit wrote, "You'll be coming home soon, Herb. It seems that the war will last forever so they'll have to retire you on an old age pension." But shortly thereafter Herb was writing his mother in a more serious tone from a separation camp in Virginia, "I guess I'll be going into some other kind of work than show business. Who remembers me after three years overseas?" HE WAS wrong, though. Before he was discharged. Perry Como invited, him to appear on the Supper Club. Other engagements followed but Herb decided to give up the night club routine for a while. He bought a land cruiser, a bus-sized motor van with complete household facilities. He toured the country, stopping off in little towns and country schoolhouses to give his show, meet the audience. The feeling for American humor, civilian humor, had returned and seven thousand miles later Herb was back in New York sharing comedy honors with Beatrice Lillie and Jack Haley in "Inside USA." The drama critics praised Herb. One wrote that he thought 1| Shriner was a better homespun humorist than the great Will Rogers. A few months later Herb had his own radio show, five evenings a week over CBS, where you hear him today. "Sure I'd like to get married some day," Herb tells you now. "But how would you expect a wife to put up with the kind of life I've got to lead?" His day begins at eight-thirty when he goes into a huddle over the evening radio show. He and the producers work right through till five o'clock when the broadcast is over. Just about the average working hours for the average working person but Herb isn't finished. Not yet. At seven, he reports to the Majestic Theater for his "Inside USA" appearance. That is six nights a week plus two matinees. "Besides they tell me newlyweds like