Radio Digest (May-Oct 1930)

64 OUT of the AIR Hits— Quips— Slip By INDI-GEST iill/HERE, oh, where is Indi-Gest?" vY demanded a petition of letters from a score of old readers of Radio Digest. In the general shuffle of readjustment Indi had become lost. What to do with the neat contributions of wit, verse and a varied assortment of humorous incidents? Indi seemed to be the only one in the world adequate to cope with the situation. So the hue and cry became a clamor. At last he was discovered. He had invested all his savings in the establishment of an artificial ice plant in Little America on the theory that the farther south you go the harder it is to get ice. In answer to an inquiry, Commander Byrd wirelessed: "Indi starving. No customers here for his brand of ice. Natives prefer domestic home grown variety. Suggest putting him back on the column. Byrd." Indi found his old chair, paste pot and shears waiting for him. He was authorised to offer small rewards for contributions until he can get on his feet again. — Editor. Dear Indi Jesters: / jest want to say I was doggone glad to hear through Dicky t Byrd that my old job was waiting for me. You'd be surprised to know how cold it is down on the south end of the world. I hope you'll send me lots of jokes. The doctor says I need a few good laughs to get the frost out of my bones. Hope I'll be hearing from you soon. — Indi. Dollar a Second! Jl/HILE TUNED in to station WCSH VY (Eastland at Portland, Me.) and listening in on a broadcast from the London naval conference, we were gratified at being intimately introduced to Great Britain'.s Scotch prime minister, when his announcer said: "Come on, Mac, they're waiting for you." — Miss Annie E. Little field, Saco, Me. For Gentlemen Only This joke is for men only and ladies of delicate sensibilities are asked to refrain from reading. The letter, signed by H. E. Foults, 422 York street, Vallejo, Calif., reads as follows: Sir: I send the following, which I heard over KPO (San Francisco) recently on the occasion of a weekly luncheon of the Shriners of the Bay region, namely: The mythical Sherlock Holmes had died and gone to heaven. Being duly entered he was confronted by Saint Peter, who had been patiently awaiting his arrival, with a view of searching for and finding Adam, the first man of the Christian era. The following conversation ensued: Saint Peter: Now, Mr. Holmes, I want you to go out and find and bring to me Adam. Of course, you know you will have a most difficult job; in fact, one almost impossible with all the billions of people up here. But I understand you always get your man; so begone and good luck to you. Sherlock Holmes: Yes, Your Eminence. After a short while Holmes returned, bringing with him an old man. Sherlock Holmes: Here, Your Eminence, is Adam. Saint Peter: Are you sure, and how do you know it is Adam? Sherlock Holmes: I am sure and I know it is Adam because he is the only man up here without a navel. Marjorie Grover Newton of Flint, Mich., feels this way about it. Radio What magic to pluck rhythmic beauty from the air! What God-given gift to be able to choose Which strings of the soul should be played on to tear The emotions — or new life infuse! Cash for Humor! /T WILL pay you to keep your ears open and your funny bone oiled for action. Radio Digest will pay $5.00 for the first selected humorous incident heard on a broadcast program, $3.00 for the second preferred amusing incident and $1.00 for each amusing incident accepted and printed. It may be something planned as part of the Radio entertainment that tickles you, or it may be one of those little accidents that pop up in the best regulated stations. The only stipulation is that you must actually have heard the incident as part of some program. Keep your ears open for chuckles— send your contributions to the Indi-Gest, Radio Digest, Chicago, Illinois. It must be received not later than June 1, 1930. WE GLADLY shake hands again through the column with our old friend George — sometimes called Box Car George — who sends the following: Listen, My Children Hear The Black Fear — one act a week — Great Radio Thriller — Spooks — a shriek Revolving rooms — trick paneled walls — Traps in the floors — sudden falls. Hear tom-toms beating in the swamp Where voodoo workers chant and stomp! Signals from windows by candle-light Bring Death to someone every night. Gather the children in the room; Turn out the light; sit in the gloom. When the act is done put them to bed Every hairup on each little head. Jerry: Well, Doris, spring is here! Doris: How do you make that out? Jerry: I've seen several men go into pawn shops with racoon coats, and come out with golf bags and clubs. (Aline Berry and Peter Dixon in the Cub Reporter, weekly NBC program.) Such a Business! PERSONS who suffered in the stock market debacle may not see any intentional or accidental humor in the microphone introduction the other day of Nick Pagliaria of Rochester of Dr. Julius Klein, assistant secretary of commerce, through WHEC. The announcement went like this : "We shall again join the Columbia Broadcasting System, where the world's business will be disgusted by Dr. Julius Klein." — L. E. Heibeck, Rochester, N. Y. * * * Battling Mike RECENTLY, while Quinn Ryan was re-broadcasting the Dempsey-Carpentier fight over WGN, he became so excited while describing one of Dempsey's left-hooks that he must have been actually illustrating it. For he apparently knocked the microphone over and disconnected it. I heard the crash. And all became silence. — T. L. Wires, Parkersburg, W. Va. * * * White House Errors THIS over WFAN: Otto Schmidt, concert pianist of Artie Bittong's Cheer-ups," regularly plays the compositions of the masters, all, of course, longsince dead. But the other day he dashed off Erno Rapee's "Charmaine." After playing it in classic style, he encored it in jazz version. Artie said to him: "Otto, if that composer heard you rag his masterpiece like that, he'd turn over in his grave." Obviously Artie didn't know that Erno Rapee is still among the living. During the last game of the 1929 world series, Graham McNamee announced: "President Hoover is now entering the stand, accompanied by Mrs. Coolidge." The next minute I tuned in on WABC, which was broadcasting the game, to hear Ted Husing proclaim: "They are playing the National Anthem and President Wilson is standing at attention with the rest of the fans." — Miss Florence / Haist, Lindenwold, N. J. She Would Fly IT WAS the request period on a Sunday at KMOX with "Old Timer" on the microphone. Mrs. D. of St. Louis had appealed for "The Prisoner's Song" in celebration of her twentieth wedding anniversary. "Old Timer," not realizing that the microphone switch was open and that he was already on the air, remarked to the announcer, "That's a heck of a song for a wedding anniversary." The announcer must have told him that Mike was listening. Forthwith, "Old Timer" coughed embarressedly, uttered a "Huh?" and began with: "Oh, for someone to love me. . . ." Another time I heard Milton J. Cross giggle. Can you imagine it? — W. M. Johnson, Grayville, 111. # * * ' Same Song — Different Tubs This may be all wet but we'll hear from Brother L. M. Younkin of Galveston, Texas, who reports as follows: "A big bathtub — the biggest, probably — has been spoken of twice through my loud speaker. Yesterday Everett Mitchell of WENR, announced, 'We are now going to have Irma Singing in the Bathtub.' And today a local announcer said, 'We now present Guy Lombardo and His Royal Canadians Singing in the Bathtub on a Columbia record.' "