TV Radio Mirror (Jan - Jun 1963)

ARE YOU ASKING TOO MUCH OF YOUR MARRIAGE? continued Since Mike's mother didn't approve of Robin, he had to see her secretly. And, since he was so desperate for a home he could call his own, he allowed Robin to talk him into eloping. His friend became furious, engaged Mike in a fight — and met his death, purely by accident. Mike's mother, who still objected vehemently to his marriage, then played on his feeling of guilt to destroy that marriage. Mike was obviously a very confused, immature young man when he married Robin. For one thing, he had to cut out his best friend to prove his masculinity to others, to Robin and to himself. In addition, he used marriage to rebel against his mother's domination. No doubt, he was able to do this only with the help of Robin. Marrying Robin was a sign of weakness, not strength. He went about it sneakily, and seemingly without real convictions about his love for her. Add to this his feeling of guilt, and it becomes clear that Mike won't find the courage to shake off his mother's influence. The marriage is doomed — as are all such marriages, entered into under false pretenses. It didn't take long for their marriage to go to pieces. A determined woman like Mike's mother didn't find it too difficult to bring about an annulment. Meanwhile, Robin herself was disappointed to find that she'd married — not a strong, gallant knight in shining armor — but a weak, confused, rebellious son. Though Mike felt he really did love Robin — and pleaded with her to wait while he went off by himself to try to gain perspective and maturity — she took this only as an outright rejection. and soon became involved with another man: Fortyish, goodlooking Alex Bowden, who was as sophisticated as he was wealthy. Robin adored Alex's little attentions, his lavish gifts and awesome maturity. He became a kind of protector to her — the "knight in shining armor" she had hoped Mike would be. The marriage of Mike and Robin just couldn't last. Two such immature, neurotic, frightened young people as these are unable to offer the emotional support each requires. Robin saw Mike only as she wanted him to be, not as he was. The slightest deviation from this image would be enough to make her feel rejected. His decision to leave her for a while could only spell total rejection to someone so insecure. On the other hand, the older, more 42 worldly-wise Alex would appear as an ideal "father-substitute" to her. But a father-substitute does not make a husband. Chances are, too, that Alex was not as strong as he appeared to Robin — for he courted her as an obviously dependent woman who made him feel superior and dominant. All three married, not because of love, but to meet their own neurotic needs. Each has used the other. Robin is only repeating the same mistake in her relationship with Alex. All she will succeed in doing is to prove that you cannot use marriage to sidestep personal problems. The problems will remain . . . but the marriage will disintegrate. Although Alex had once been charmed by Robin's dependent attitude, time dulled its shine and he now demanded more. When he finally rebelled against her behaving as a "child bride," instead of a grown-up wife, Robin became frightened. Mike's sudden re-appearance — and his manipulations to see Robin again — complicated matters. Obviously, neither had put the other out of their hearts completely and for all time. This situation aroused intense jealousy in Alex, and he developed a painful ulcer. Nothing could convince him that his jealousy was unfounded and his wife wasn't actually eager to return to her old love. Alex was bound to rebel — because the reasons for his marriage were neurotic. Now he discovered he couldn't satisfy Robin and she couldn't satisfy him. Because he "internalized" his frustration and anger, his jealousy of Mike and dissatisfaction with himself brought on an ulcer. Robin exhibits her immaturity by wanting it all: Alex's love and adoration, plus Mike's attentions and affection. She doesn't realize Mike is using her for his own selfish purposes. Actually, he makes fewer demands on her than Alex does — because he is attracted to the very weakness and immaturity from which Alex expects her to "grow up." Robins marriage at last reaches that point where decisions have to be made. Alex demands a showdown, although his earlier jealousy has been replaced by mere curiosity as to whether she truly loves him. Mike — who's been waiting on the sidelines "to pick up the pieces," for reasons he himself doesn't quite comprehend— has begun to care less and less about Robin and about his mother's concern. He moves into a bachelor apartment and begins dating a girl named Julie Conrad. Suddenly, the roof all but caves in on Robin. Her husband's ex-wife enters the picture and — although Alex no longer has any feeling for her — even his impersonal interest arouses Robin's antagonism. Now that her own sense of security has been threatened, she becomes the jealous one. She begs Alex to take her away on a vacation, to give her a child ... to help "save" their marriage. But he refuses to do either. Robin is still using marriage as a "crutch." She clings to false delusions in believing that such measures will save a marriage. Neither will. A vacation will only delay the day of judgment until they return to their normal pattern of life. A baby will probably make the situation worse, creating a new responsibility which will make them both feel trapped and resentful . . . and bring nothing but misery to the real victim: The child. Robin has become jealous, not because she is so much in love with Alex, but because she still reacts as a little girl. She's afraid that she is losing her "father"! Although Mike has shown some semblance of maturity in breaking away from his mother and taking an apartment, there is no way of telling how sincere his motives are. He is apparently toying with the affections of both Robin and Julie. It seems reasonable to speculate that, through Julie, Mike is hopeful of hurting — not his mother, this time — but his ex-wife . . . in a continuing rebellion against women in general. Love — the real and the false — are used interchangeably by Robin, Mike and Alex. This can only lead to disappointment and despair. Few, if any, marriages can survive such false relationships . . . even on TV. Robin, Mike and Alex are far from unique. Their counterparts exist in real life. Countless marriages are based on foundations just as flimsy. Countless couples never grow up in time to breathe new life into such neurotic alliances. And countless wellmeaning relatives and friends contribute their two-cents' worth, only to make the situation worse. On TV, Robiri and Mike may be able to get away with the mistake of asking too much of marriage — and giving too little. In real life, it isn't that easy. The remnants of a broken marriage invariably tag along at our heels to make our future happiness so much more difficult. Next month, we'll take on another of your favorite daytime dramas and try to make its stories meaningful to you in terms of your own life.