Screenland (Oct 1923-Mar 1924)

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102 SCRE-iSNLAND ^Welcome; to $w IJJorK mnb the 71 ST STREET and BROADWAY A masterpiece of modern hotel creation. Most convenient, yet quiet. A revelation in hospitality and service, offering many innovations including Servidors, taxis, etc. Unique Congo Room — Medieval Grille and Blue Room Restaurants. New York's latest hotel achievement BE A JAZZ MUSIC MASTER PLAY PIANO BY EAR Play popular song hits perfectly. Hum the tans, play it by ear. Self-instroction--no teacher required. No tedioua ding-dong daily practice— just twenty brief, entertaining lessons which you master Home in Your Spare Time Send for FREE BOOK. Learn many styles of bass and syncopation — trick endings, fill-ins, etc. Niagara School of Music Dept. 644, Niagara Falls, N. Y. iiWaaffglsMtlil LEARN Movie Acting! A fascinating profession that pays big. Would you like to know if you are adapted to this work? Send 10c for our Twelve-Hour Talent-Tester or Key to Movie Acting Aptitude, and find whether or not you are suited to take up Movie Acting. _ A novel, instructive and valuable work. Send dime or stamps today. A large, interesting, illustrated Booklet on Movie Acting included FREE. FILM BUREAU Station 5 Jackson, Mich. ISf DIAMONDS FOR A FEW CENT! A DAY Don't send a single penny.Ten daysFree Trial. When the ring comes, examine it — if you are not convinced it is the Greatest B ar ga in in. America, send it back at our expense. Only if pleased, Bend $1.50 weeky— at the rate of a few cents a day. This Bargain Cluster King with 7 BlueWhite Perfect Cut Diamonds can be _ yours. No Red Tape. No Risk. FR Million Dollar CDCF Send for it today. It Bargain Booh ■ pictures thousands Of Bargains. Address Dept. 2143 J.M.LYON £, CO. 2-4 Maiden Lane N.Y. trying to climb the roof of a Methodist church. — Gelett Burgess. Vainly as one strikes at water with a swoid. — Witter Bynner. Freckles, like rust spots. — Willa Gather. Woman is like a gun. Her range is limited. But in the home she hits a man like ten thousands of brick. — G. K. Chesterton. Locked teeth, like the tight edges of a sprung trap. — Irvin S. Cobb. The face of the world looks as though it had shaved itself with a broken beer bottle while standing on a barrel in a cyclone. — Benjamin De Casseres. She looked like a fire in a pawnshop, fair covered with diamonds an' watches chains. — F. P. Dunne. His voice was like a buzzsaw striking a rusty nail. — Arthur Folwell. Her head poised like a parachute. Zona Gale. Bounded like a rate exchange when some one has trodden on the tail of a Foreign Minister. — Philip Guedella. Felt as out of place as an Elk at Oxford.— Percy Hammond. Apparent to the naked eye as the Woolworth Building. — Robert Cortes Halliday. More money than the telephone company's got wrong numbers. — Sam Hellman. Eyes slits, like wise, smiling old buttonholes.— Fanny Hurst. Face like a three-parts deflated football. — A. S. M. Hutchinson. About as much chance as a quart of whisky on an Indian reservation. — Peter B. Kyne. Slowly pronouncing and delivering the words like a man pitching quoits. — D. H. Lawrence. Pathetic as an octogenarian messenger boy. — Charlotte Le Beau. Durable as a pig's nose. — Warren Lewis. Laughter, like love, is an expression of man's vehement revolt against reason. — William J. Locke. Discouraged as a frog catcher in the Desert of Sahara. — Don Marquis. Women are just like elephants t' me. I like t' look at 'em, but I wouldn't want one. — Abe Martin. Needful as the sun. — George Moore. Sacramental, like the sweeping of a hearth. — Christopher Morley. One star, serene and still, hangs like an altar light. — Maurice Morris. Beautiful as one red rose in a garden of lilies. — -Robert Nichols. Out of date as yesterday's shave. — George Jean Nathan. Hospitable as a hungry shark to a swimming missionary. — Frederick O'Brien. Firpo was as open as an umbrella. — Neal O'Hara. Drab as the annual parade of the Columbia University professors making their New Year's call on Nicholas Murray Butler. — Frank Ward O'Malley. The gray marsh clouds are tangled like angleworms in a pail. — Elliott H. Paul. About as easy to do up an elephant in a shawl strap. — Channing Pollock. A husband, like unto religion and medicine, must be taken with blind faith. — Helen Rowland. Wistful as a letter lying unclaimed. — Sara Saper. Irrelevant as discordant notes of far-off birds. — Evelyn Scott. Menacing as metal. — Vance Thompson. Happy as a traffic policeman with flat feet. — Charles Hanson Towne. He never could get over a feeling that to discover a woman excited about an intellectual thing was like coming on her bathing. — Rebecca West. About as thiilling as a lesson in swimming would be to a middle-aged goldfish. — H. C. Witwer. ^Anna P roph ate r Sat arises the unheard of Father — From page 44 The Diary of a Movie Pa say mooron, snaps the wife, it is vulgar colleg boy slang. How do I know, I went on, that I will keep on getting the 100 dollars after the 1 st week or 2. I know a thing or 2 about studios myself, I remind her. You sine a contrack, answers the wife, promising not to act, nor rite nor have no photos taken and you get the money. Ill think it over, I told her. And so I went back to the garag and told Ben and Ben yells thats talking turkey so we sat down to have a conferens. So came nite and I went to the house where they was giving a party for swells to say Id take the job but the Deluge seen me coming and made me set on the porch so as not to disgras her. Finally she cum out and says what do -you want. And I says I want the job of busines manager. Well, she says, you manage your way back to the garag arfd 111 have your contrack in the A. M. So here I am setting and wating for the contrack wich meens I cant act no more nor have no more pictures taken just like poor Ruddie Valentino. But it also means that I cant rite no more wich is too bad as I must give up my diry. But Ben and me is going to take a week off and go to Catalina where we is sure to have a plesant time in the grate outdoors.