Screenland (Nov 1949-Oct 1950)

How You Con Tell You're In Love Continued from page 25 possible, and that it is desirable above all else in this world. I believe that many people do find the perfect mate. Of course there are divorces; certainly, also, there are always many people in hospitals. Yet the fact remains that more people stay married than seek divorce, and there are more well people in the world at any given time than there are patients in hospitals. I am teaching my children that there w such a thing as complete and permanent love, and I am trying to teach them the signs by which to tell when that love has arrived. One of the easiest ways to explain to children what love is, is to explain what love is not. First of all, in almost every girl's life there comes a Spring when she falls in love ^\'ith love. A wise and witty man once said that quite a few people would never know what love was if they hadn't seen a picture of it on an April magazine cover. Falling in love with love, and then fitting the mask of that love — exactly as if it were one of those Hallowe'en facial disguises — over some boy, is normal. A girl doesn't really see the boy in this case; she sees only a roseate image incorporating the most desirable attributes of Clark Gable, Ronald Colman, Montgomery Clif|. Don Juan, Sir Anthony Eden, and Santa Claus. In this evanescent state a girl likes to whisper to her mirrored self, watching her own changing expressions. She weeps soft tears at thought of the boy ffoing away forever, or dying, or marrying another girl. She doesn't hear her family when they speak to her, and she is inclined to play Debussy and Schuniann recordings on the phonograph. I think it is important for a girl to go through such a stage, but I think it is also important for her to know, deep within herself, that this is merely a phase. Her mother, her older sister, or someone else who has her interests at heart should mention the truth that every girl goes through this experience in mild or serious form and that it is a dehghtful part of growing up. Under no circumstance should the girl marry ihe boy who happens to be around at the time, and upon whose thin shoulders she has draped her fantasies. Both the girl and the boy may believe that This Is The Real Thing, but they should be persuaded to wait for at least two years before taking a definite step. During that two years, they should date other people. Another manifestation of a girl's growing up is her inclination to consider herself desperately in love with a boy to whom the girl's parents object. Usually parents have an excellent reason for objecting to a boy when they pass a family rule that the girl is not to see him. However, a girl often rebels — not so much because she is convinced that her parents are wrong — but because she has reached that stage of development in which she wishes to be considered a reasoning individual. She is trj-ing to be a person. She is building a personality for herself, and she is setting the foundations of character. She is often impractically idealistic. She mistakes her eagerness to be considered adult for genuine regard for the boy in the case. In her imagination she and the boy become star-crossed lovers. If the girl really respects parental authority, she is hkely to sulk or to descend into moods. She is likely to assume the melancholy martyrdom of an Heloise, and bore everyone around her to tears. If she is resentful of parental authority, she may try to sneak out and meet the forbidden boy on the sly. This is, of course, utterly foolish, and can only lead to further trouble. I hope to prepare my Christina well in advance for the appearance in her life of the exciting scoundrel. Or perhaps he won't even be important enough for such a designation; he may only be The Wrong Person. I hope to teach her that just because a thing is forbidden, it is not necessarily delightful. I want her to know that real love is not made up of rebellion, danger, and deception. Christina and I will be spared one facet of the difficulties in such a situation. Christina knows now that my major concerns are her happiness and her unfolding into successful woman hood. She knows that rules we make in our home are for the good of all. However, I realize that occasionally parents object to their daughters' beaux because the family doesn't want to lose a breadwinner or a household slave. In such a case, a girl must ask herself this question, "Do my parents object to this boy because of him. indi^^dually, or would they object to any boy who was attentive to me.'" Most girls know when their families are interested in them as persons, and not as economic assets. Yet even if a girl's family is unfair to her, she should not misinterpret her rebellion against them as love for some boy. ^^^len a girl is tempted to marry a boy to spite her family or to get away from them, she should think it over for p long time. Frequently a girl's determination to escape is not related in any way to lasting love for the boy to whom she is escaping. (The love of Elizabeth Barrett for Robert Browning is one of the celebrated exceptions.) There is another sort of mirage-love which a girl should be taught to recognize, and of which she should be wary. It is easy to fancy oneself in love with the captain of the football team, or with the handsome new algebra prof, or with the college brother of the girl next door, or with the exciting new movie star. The enthusiasm a normal girl feels for such individuals is hero worship — not love. Usually the "beloved" man is totally unaware of the girl, so she never has an opportunity to check her dreams about him against actual fact. Hero worship is sort of a mental magnifying glass which makes a man seem better in every way than any human being (Please turn to page 5iJ Bing Crosby is very much amused as Kirsten, the opera star, on the set of he listens to Nancy Olson and Dorothy "Mr. Music," in which all three appear. 51