Screenland (Nov 1950-Oct 1951)

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Of course, I could make something out of a funny experience on the set. But, like some of the lines in "Sunset Boulevard," it might not be funny to anyone outside the business. You have to know the industry and its particular, peculiar jargon and the situations belonging to it alone, to understand some of our jokes. And right after the demand for a funny experience, there are three honeys that fall right into line. "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO BE MARRIED?" is apt to be followed by "WHAT KIND OF MAN ARE YOU GOING TO MARRY?" Then, as you're trying to work your way out of that one, sometimes you're asked brightly, "WOULD YOU MARRY AN ACTOR?" How do I know when I'm going to be married? In the first place, I haven't met the man yet. But how do I know that I won't meet him tomorrow or next week or on January 4, 1951? Or, take it the other way around: how do I know I'll ever meet him? As to what kind of man I marry — if I marry — that's another great, big question. How can I prophesy that? I might fall for a type I've never known before. When I was in high school for a time all the boys I went with had brown eyes and brown hair. The ones in the next stage I went through had green eyes and black hair. Further along, only lettermen or boys who held some sort of office in a student organization were eligible. Actually you outgrow these things. You're not really so attracted by any certain type when you mature a little more. Fundamentals — brains, congeniality— matter much more. An example of that is Jerome Courtland. Before his marriage to Polly Bergin, the girls who interested him most were the ones who could ski and skate, bowl, ride horseback, play tennis. They must equal, even threaten to surpass him in any sport. And then he met Polly, the complete opposite of any girl he'd even gone with. She was everything Jerome's other girl friends weren't. But she was everything he'd really wanted all the time — and had never realized. Now we come to the third of the three marriage questions. How do I know whether I would or wouldn't marry an actor? Certainly if I fell head over heels in love with one I'd marry him — even though I believe there'd be two strikes and the bases loaded against a lasting marriage. For instance, the careers of two young players seldom go along equally as far as success is concerned. One so often outstrips the other — and that makes for jealousy. It just can't be helped; it's human nature. And it's especially bad if the girl's career is more successful than the boy's. But even if the two careers run along pretty equally, there's seldom a time when they're both free. One's usually working while the other's waiting to start or, worse still, one's away for weeks on location while the other's in a picture in Hollywood. Then there's the other little thing of personal jealousy. I defy any girl to watch — without bad inner qualms — her best beau doing a love scene on the screen with another girl. You just can't help it. He looks at her the same way he looks at you, he has all the same little endearing mannerisms, the same technique of a glance, the "it's just between you and me" thoughtfulness. See what I mean? Really, you can't help wondering which is the sincere time and which is the time he's maneuvering his best side to the camera. To go on, anybody who answers "WHAT ARE YOUR POLITICAL VIEWS?" is asking for trouble. And lots of players do answer that one — and get into hot water no matter what they say. Some even get up on soap-boxes and make speeches to the general public telling all about their bleeding hearts. Before I was twenty-one I used to point out demurely that I hadn't voted yet. Now I have to change the subject the best I can. Because, no matter what you say, it's wrong. All the Democrats get mad at an actor who admits he's a Republican — and vice versa. No matter what side you're on, you can't win. So you might just as well keep still about it. The same goes for that other question, "WHO HAVE YOU ENJOYED WORKING WITH MOST?" It's close kin to the political one — and for political reasons can't be answered either. Suppose I said I like working with one leading man or a particular director more than with any other leading man or director. What if I said the entire crew and cast of a stated picture were just too, too divine and simply out of this world? Can't you just see me winning friends and influencing people that way all through my career? And now we come to the last one: "WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE PLANS?" My goodness, I don't know! Maybe the interviewer means what picture am I going to do next? But if it hasn't been announced by the studio, I can't tell. Even if I knew — which I often don't — I have to keep it to myself until the plans of the front office are complete. And sometimes even those plans can be changed in an hour. Once in a while, though, the futureplans question means am I going to move into a big house with a swimming pool and a badminton court and all the fixings of a movie star? And that one I can answer with a big, emphatic NO! Not long ago, an English newspaperwoman wanted pictures to illustrate her story. "No, we'll photograph you beside your swimming pool — " I told her I had no pool. "Then playing tennis on your