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"Even though they laughed at my enthusiasm, my past, my Bronx accent, I made my way because I dared to be myself"
"Those who think they must be like everyone else to get along in Hollywood are no longer around. Carbon copies are a dime a dozen."
Can You Be Yoursel
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'VE CERTAINLY learned a lot about Hollywood— and about myself. As a result I think I'm a wiser person. I came here four years ago at the age of 22. I was full of hopes, fears, desires, ambitions, and immediately embarked on a new venture in the wilds of California. What supreme optimism I had then! Here I was, ready for a kind of life that was entirely foreign to me. At least, I thought I was ready for it. It was an amazing transition from my background of poverty and insecurity. The change couldn't have been any worse if I had gone from the Bronx where I lived to France, England, India, or Ethiopia.
Frankly, I was scared about facing this new life, and I can understand those fears. As far as my career was concerned, I hadn't as yet formulated any ideas for my job as a motion picture actor. On personal beliefs I felt everyone reacted and thought as I did. I believed, for example, that what everyone said was so. This I found wasn't true.
To begin with, I wasn't used to meeting new people. For years at home I had gone only with my little group of friends, people with whom I could feel free. I could go to their homes for a meal whenever I wished and I could share any and all confidences with them. There were no bars in our relationships. My life was a closely-knit thing and there was no social awareness in it.
When I first began to meet people in Hollywood — I must have met 125 my first day at the studio — it never occurred to me to make light of those I met. When I was introduced to a new person it was a great event to me. When someone said, "How nice to meet you," I really thought he meant just that. And if any girl called me "Darling," which I now know is a typical meaningless expression in town, I got the idea romance was involved. Once a lady said to me at a club, "Would you take my coat for me?" I almost believed her and was about to say, "Why, thank you very much. I'll give it to my mother."
By the end of the first week in Hollywood I must have met about 250 people, so you can see how I might have become confused. But I wasn't happy. I stayed alone in my hotel for the most part. No one seemed interested in really knowing me. I can remember being invited to a party one night and it was a great feeling. But later I found out I had been invited just to help fill up the place.
Being alone so much gave me plenty of time to think. I'd leave the studio in the afternoon — whenever I was called for an appointment there — and then I'd take the trolley into (Please turn to page 5$)
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