Sponsor (Nov 1946-Oct 1947)

SPONSORSHIP He guarded five presidents thirty years . . . STARLING of the WHITE »» HOUSE • 2nd best seller five weeks after publication • Sears Roebuck People's Book Club (this fall) • Featured in Omnibook, Life, Time, Coronet Exclusive Radio Rights PAUL F. ABLER Zlc£ve4<Ud4*Uf 385 MADISON AVENUE NEW YORK 17 • PLAZA 5-7100 Bing's record-making contract to transcribe his shows recalls the offthe-record prayer of a prominent transcription company producer: "Oh, Lord, forgive us our transcriptions." And those who transcribe against us. We're watching that "treat-insteadof-a-treatment" cigaret commercial theme with trembling and trepidation. Imagine a barren world in which toothpaste merely cleans, without also polishing the teeth, aiding the gums, and concealing the breath. And oh, how dreary and desolate to find gum which provides only the fun of chewing without also relieving nervous tension, assisting the digestion, and exercising the gums. Foods which are simply good without also being good for you! Products without plusses,devoid of extras! Oh gosh, O. G. One-word description of some radio commentators: hysteriannouncers. Breathes there a man with soul so dead as the expression on the face of a prospective sponsor listening to an audition? From the number of "who-dun-its" on the air, would you draw the conclusion that mystery loves company? Familiaradio: "And now . . ." "But first . . ." "You know . . ." "Say, folks . . ." "Mighty fine . . ." We once had occasion to check an ad-lib radio interviewer's program and counted, by actual and painful count, 6,433,748 "mighty fines." Question: What do you do for a living? Answer: I'm a stenographer. Interviewer: Well, that's mighty fine. Q.: And where do you live? A.: I live in Brooklyn. INT.: Say, that's mighty fine. Q.: Are you married? A.: No. INT.: Oh, that's mighty fine. And so on and on and on and on and on. And on. Shortly after "The Hucksters" became the Book-of-the-Month, our doctor leered at us and ribbed us about the advertising rack — business. "But, Doc," we defended, "haven't there been similar books about the medical profession, and couldn't you yourself write a juicy one from your own experiences?" Looking about him furtively he shut the door of his private office and whispered, "Sh, I'll tell you a few of 'em that are pips." Speaking of spot announcements which we weren't but which we like to, a prospective sponsor was listening to various audition treatments of a very strident selling slogan. Said prospect was duly impressed but whispered to the agency exec: "Say, if we're going to irritate the public, can't we irritate them pleasantly?" That's what radio needs, more pleasant irritation. This next item, "Ode to the GiveAway Programs," is inspired by, but NOT to the tune of, "South America, Take It Away." For a program with a rating You'll be loving, never hating, For a certified and absolute success, SPONSOR* GIVrTlT "AWAY! For a sooper-dooper Hooper, And a customer recouper, For a program that your C.P.A. will bless, SPONSOR, GIVE IT AWAY! Give 'em diamonds, give 'em furs, Give 'em horses, give 'em spurs. Give 'em honeymoons, complete with bride or groom. SPONSOR, GIVE IT AWAY! Give 'em wardrobes, give 'em hats, Give 'em houses, give 'em flats With the Chippendale and Phyffe for ev'ry room. SPONSOR, GIVE IT AWAY! After all, you want a show Which is guaranteed to go, So, you've simply got to give unto the end. SPONSOR, GIVE IT AWAY! Give the very blood of life, Give your children, give your wife: You'll be lonely, but you'll hit a proven trend. SPONSOR, GIVE IT AWAY! Next month, same time, same station, same SPONSOR. /. J. (Wag) Wagner is known in Chicago ad circles, and beyond, as a quick man with a quip. He's vp of the Olian Advertising Co. SPONSOR