Swing (Jan-Dec 1945)

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^2 learned the great merits of thriftiness and became one of the world's fore' most paper bag savers — a trait of no small advantage in the recent paper shortage. Others may have had to carry their groceries home in a basket or a freshly washed garbage pail, but not the Professor. He always had an old bag to take to the store with him, although don't tell my wife I called her that. This trait was manifest in all members of the family. My cousin Homer, for instance, was a string saver second to none, while his brother Hosea specialised as a bottle cap putterawayer. At one time he had, by actual count, 8,264 bottle caps. It was my cousin Lucindy, however, in whom the trait of thriftiness was most pronounced. She was an electric light putter-outer and went about the house continuously putting out lights others had left burning. She estimated that over a period of twenty-five years she saved a total of $4.86. Poor Lucindy is dead now. She stumbled over a stool in the dark and broke her meddling neck. In his statuary group Proctor made liis characters with faithful adher Ifi^ December, 194^ ence to historical accuracy in the minutest detail. The principal figures are the mother and child, mounted on a horse which exudes weariness; a pack animal, the husband, and an old scout. Close examination will reveal even the tobacco juice on the old scout's luxuriant set of v^hiskers. It is reported Proctor's passion for accuracy caused him to drive the horses used for models for mile after mile in order to weary them to the point of presenting a true likeness of the jaded animals he desired to depict. When he achieved this, he would set to work with enthusiastic joy. There is no record that it was shared by the horses. About the base of the statue is a Biblical quotation, the words of Ruth which every wife should memorize and recite in reverent humility each morning at the breakfast table: "WHITHER THOU GOEST, I WILL GO; AND WHERE THOU LODGEST I WILL LODGE; THY PEOPLE SHALL BE MY PEOPLE, AND THY GOD MY GOD." "Pass the butter and try coming home sober tonight, for a change." %i/e Qot IJour TJumLer! While the conversation lags during the first two drinks, you might try this little number trick on that cute little number. To find her age and the month of her birth, have her do this: First, on the cocktail napkin (or the back of that card suggesting something or other made with Four Roses) she writes down the number of the month of her birth. That is, if she was born in February, she writes down 2; if in October, she writes 10; etc. Then have her multiply by two; add 5; multiply by 50 (all right, all right, you do it for her, then!); add her age (she'll do that, sight unseen); subtract 365; add 115. What comes out is four numbers. And you, you wise guy, will know that the first two numbers indicate the month of her birth: the last two are her age. Go ahead — try it and see!