Swing (Jan-Dec 1953)

Record Details:

Something wrong or inaccurate about this page? Let us Know!

Thanks for helping us continually improve the quality of the Lantern search engine for all of our users! We have millions of scanned pages, so user reports are incredibly helpful for us to identify places where we can improve and update the metadata.

Please describe the issue below, and click "Submit" to send your comments to our team! If you'd prefer, you can also send us an email to mhdl@commarts.wisc.edu with your comments.




We use Optical Character Recognition (OCR) during our scanning and processing workflow to make the content of each page searchable. You can view the automatically generated text below as well as copy and paste individual pieces of text to quote in your own work.

Text recognition is never 100% accurate. Many parts of the scanned page may not be reflected in the OCR text output, including: images, page layout, certain fonts or handwriting.

Twice-Told Tales "Are you sure I'm not keeping you from your ironing up there Mildred?" A story being told to a little boy concerned another child who had exciting adventures. When the story was finished the lad asked, "What about the mother?" "The story didn't mention the mother," said the story teller. "Maybe she was dead." The listener thought and reacted dramatically. "I'll bet she was killed in a nervous wreck." ▲ A tailor suffering from insomnia finally agreed to try out the old remedy of counting sheep. Next morning he turned up for business more tired than ever. "What a night," he confessed. "I counted 3,000 sheep. Then I figured that as 8,000 yards of wool. That would make 2,500 suits. How can a man sleep worrying about where he would get all that lining?" An American boy and a Soviet boy were discussing their respective countries. "We have chocolate," said the American boy. "But we have Stalin," the Soviet boy said. "So what?" replied the American boy. "We could have Stalin if we wanted him." "Ah," said the Soviet boy. "But then you couldn't have the chocolate." ▲ An aged farmer from the Middle West was being shown around the Royal Conservatory in England. He was duly impressed. "This clock," said the guide, rather pompously, "is the one from which all the world takes its time." "You don t say?" the old man, replied. Then deliberately he drew out a huge gold watch at the end of a 2-foot gold chain. Consulting his trusty timepiece, he observed, "Well, mister, your clock's pretty nigh five minutes fast." He was a playful, middle aged wolf. Seating himself close to a cute little blonde on a bus, he leaned over and asked: "Where have you been all my life?" She looked at him coolly and replied: "Well, for the first half of it, I wasn't born." ▲ A Cal Coolidge type of character applied for Christmas work at the post office and was asked his reason for leaving his previous job. His reason was: "Done all the work." He had also served in the army and to the formal question, "Why did you leave the armed forces?" he replied: "Won the war." A A convict was brought up before the warden accused of beating up his cell-mate. "I can't understand it," said the warden. "You and Jenks have been friends for three years. Why did you suddenly turn on him?" The convict hung his head. "Well, Warden," he replied, "he tore a leaf off the calendar and it was my turn."