The talking machine world (Jan-Dec 1908)

THE TALKING MACHINE WORLD. 19 A few jokes have been dropped in The World box this month. The machinery probably will be in better worlcing order when it is known the joke box is a regular feature incorporated in each issue. Put a joke in the box and start the laugh machinery. If you have any odd experiences, or even a good hit on the talker, send it along and let other people enjoy it. The contribution need not necessarily be a poem; it can be a pun, or a happy experience, or anything which will create a good laugh. We should remember that when we laugh the world laughs with us, and when we snore it should be alone at all times — yes, always. DISSATISFACTION. (Tune Victor No. 721.) I've readied the land of kick and complain, And struggled hard this land to gain, I now sell "talkers" on the spot And often wish that I had not. CHOBUS. 0 moneyless land, O grafters' land. As in my house I sadly stand ; 1 gaze throughout my stock in vain. And wonder when and how I'll he slain , I sometimes wish that J could buy A half interest in the region, which below us lie. It rains at morn, it rains at noon. It rains at night, and I see my ruin ; Day after day it's just the same. And I often wonder how I got in the game. (Chorus as above.) It does no good to kick and swear. To show your temper or pull your hair, You cannot change that sky of gray To a sky of blue a single day. You wish to go and see a friend, In arrears he is — on that depend ; And if you ever go to town You'll have to wear a rubber gown. Sometimes the mud is rather wet. And so you'll think a car you'll get ; But when you've rode a mile or two, You'll wish you'd walked — indeed, you do. Now if it stops an hour or so. Some memoirs'? you'll deliver — TJ me 0; Then the people say — well, I allow. What is that fool a-meaning now-. They wouldn't lie or steal, O no, They simply have forgot you know ; And when dry weather comes again They'll say : I think we're needing rain. They fold their hands upon their knees. And laugh and talk and take their ease, To get new records they'll promise and tease, And say: Pay you. payday, if you please. The people ride about in hacks. The majority of them are worthless quacks. And when you meet them they wink and grin, And boldly say, to cheat you is no sin. And on their feet, so I've been taught, The socks they wear, were never bought. So machines, records and needles they get, To get the money for same you'll have to sweat. I'm tired and sick with several ills, And I hate the sight of duns and bills. My credit is sliort. my debts they swell. For want of cash I know full well. If for my debts I can get the cash. For the east I know I'll make a dash, I'll live where trouble 1 cannot see. And my bank account will be up in "G." If you sell for cash all goods you get. You surely never would go into debt. So what's the use of all this fuss. When we have the right tO' kick and cuss. The leading jobbers an association have formed And the guilty and the drones will now be stormed. So reader of this, do business on the level. For if you don't, you'll catch the devil. CHORUS. At last, at last, withont any aid. To the east I came where "talkers" are made. Now instead of mud and rain that fell All I hear is talkers that talk like h 1 ; So I wish and wish, and wish in vain. That again I could be with the mud and rain. — Contributed by H. C. F. A few days ago a talking machine and a baby sister came to Johnny's house about the same time. About a week after the above happened, the minister came around to see how things were progressing at Johnny's. He asked Johnny which he liked the best, his machine or his new sister. "Well, I don't know yet; my machine has a winder on it and a dog and a horn and sings for me; sister has none of these on her and cries all the time; my machine papa bought on the installment plan, but I never heard him say how he bought sister, and don't care either, but if you want either a machine or a little sister just ask papa and he -will tell you how to get them on an easy paying plan or your money back." By L. F. "That's a fine record." "Yes, sir; I reckin the best I ever heard." "Do you think her voice as fine as Patti's?" "Whose voice?" "Why the voice you heard on the record we are talking about." "Oh, I didn't notice it much; I was referring to the fiddle accompaniment. You see I play the fiddle in the town orchester." Ernest Weeninck. ergizer; more lasting as a stimulant than high purpose. It cannot hurt us unless we run from it. We can make it a blessing instead of a curse. We can make it help us rather than retard us. John J. Roberts. COST OF "GRAND OPERA AT HOME." VALUE OF COMPETITION. A Trade Stimulator and a Friend When Needed Ofttimes — Helps to Force on Us a Realization of Our Weaknesses and to Inaugurate Reforms— Accomplishes Many Results. Small Fortunes Paid for the Great Singers to Make Records for the Talking Machine — Difficulties of Recording — Hammerstein Judges Voices of European Singers by Means of Records. Truly, our competitor is a better guide and adviser than our friends! He sees our weaknesses, to which our friends, in their nearness, are blind. He sneers openly at our faults when our friends preserve a well meant but unjust silence. Even while the shallow praises of our friends till our ears, we hear the chortle of competition. And when headlong impulse threatens to drag us into entanglements, it is the thought of competition that keeps us careful and saves us from foolishness. Does personal vanity tempt us to erect an extravagant and needless plant? Competition cautions us to go slowly — we may need our reserve capital to meet its onslaught. Are we stubborn with our trade, are we pigheaded in pursuing policies that provolce our customers? Competition brings us to a realization of our weakness, and forces us to wreathe our souring correspondence with good-natured welcome. Are we dozing off into the slumberlaud of "letting well enough alone?" Competition will wake us up and enable us to shake off the sleep of business death. Are we losing interest in our daily work? Has its monotony made us listless? Competition will add spice and spirit to the task. Are ■we lagging behind the requirements of an exacting market? Competition will spur us on to lead and not to follow — to initiate, not to imitate. Are we content in the thought that we are holding our own? Competition will give us a spirit of spunk and hustle that will make the days too short for our purposes. Competition is greater than greed, as an incentive; more powerful than ambition as an en A writer in a Philadelphia paper commenting on the growth of the talking machine industry says: "It costs a small fortune to get Melba', Caruso, Eames, Sembrich, Scotti, SchumannHeink and all the great songbirds of the world to sing for Victor records. At the end of last season Melba postponed her departure from America for a week to make a new series of records, for which she was paid an advance royalty rivaling any amount which she ever received in opera. Caruso was paid $35,000 for singing thirty selections. "But all these artists give value. In the contracts made with them it is fully understood before they sign that their singing must be perfect. The records are merciless and know no favorites. The singers seem to enter into the spirit of the thing and know that they are not singing merely for one audience, which has come quite as much to see themselves as to hear the singers. They know that they are singing for countless millions in the future. "Oscar Hammerstein hears records in his ofllce at the Manhattan Opera House of voices of singers in Europe who want to secure engagements with him. Very many such records are made, and they are of great value. An expert judge of voice, such as Mr. Hammerstein, can tell from the records what singers' voices are like almost as well as if he heard them sing themselves." GETTING ON IN LIFE. Getting on in life is like climbing a tree — you must hold fast with your legs what you have already gained, and keep reaching out with your hands for a grip higher up. Up you go, inch by inch — -foot after foot — hand over hand, till you reach the top. No single pull put you there. It was the long succession of pulls, one after another — the continuous chain of efforts. We Can Help Your Business How? Well, we carry many things in stock, and manufacture some, particularly our famous Tray Outfits, which will delight Talking Machine Dealers. We carry the largest stock of Talking Machines and Records to be found in New England. We make a specialty of quick shipments. We also carry all kinds of accessories, and have at the present time some special bargains in horns. We manufacture some of the best carrying cases on the market. If there is anything you need in the talking machine line, and need it quick, don't fail to immediately advise us. BOSTON CYCLE AND SUNDRY CO. 48 Hanover Street, Boston, IVIass.