Variety (Jan 1949)

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WoHy.third t/S^mf AhmveT«^ :Lii Wedneaday, January S, 1949 On.?.ly Way to The White Hoose By GEORGE JESSEL '.Geoiree JeiSscI jTollywood, When you get to be f ^jf^ ^.irth^^^^^^^^^^ Years are not such things that you get very ^gar or run to take an ad 7. Jonally have ducked parUes are --^^h^J^Vhe Te'^S^ th^^ fir hachelor: So at a New Year s,party fbachetor alone must eventually get himself into trouble/ And what fol- lovvs is that some married woman with aTnoot full will go J?/.; ^jL^, ° hte^wne overfricndly. Ihis rgenp^ally S up with the sinall bachelor setting a bust in the nose. ^..^^ If this inddent does not o^cur, ■^ms, next is the sitting in th* corper^wm a couple Of men. also on in years about a half hour after "Auld Lang iiartv rinps not enter your mind at all. inereiore n »!> "» Sabit at the" New Year to think about the show business -the onlv busfness 1 have ever known or been connected with in my lifetime, dating back from 1910 to this year •V^he"gentle*EngUsh poet A. E. Houseman has written: ' And if when men think by yifs and starts Th.ev fosten their hands oro«Tid their hearts. And I write: When I think of the rhanoes in the shoio bti.sineSs I shake my head because of the dizziness. • In 1910 I sang at the Imperial Theatre on 116tii Street in New York, t was the bass singer ot the Imperial Trio —Leonard, Lawrence & McKinley. I was McKmley, Leon- ard is now the agent Jack Wiener and Lav\rence was and is according to last reports, Walter Winchell The Im- pcrial Theatre, in which my mother sold the tickets m the boxoffice,- had three acts of vaudeville, a one-reeler and a two-refler, and songs with illustrated slides sung by us —Wiener, Winchell and Jessel. We got $15 for the three —P5 apiece. And after I gave $2 to my grandmother and bought night lunch for ray grandmother and my mother, I had $1.35 left over. French With An Accent There wais also every once in awhile a talking picture. These consisted of two actors behind the ?creen, with props, throwing words that supposedly the silent actors were saying, this usually happened with a Max Linder French comedy , and was very interesting in this section of the city because the actors on the screen were pan- tomiming and no doubt speaking aloud in French and behind the scenes the live actors were a man and wife rei^ruited from Thomashefsky's Theatre on the East Side. :. In 1912 Eddie Cantor, Truly Shattuck and I made actual talking picture tests for Thomas A. Edison and I will; never forget the fir.st showing of this' reel at Proctor's Fifth Avenue Theatre, N. Y. Something-liappened to the-^ machine and instead of us talking at the same time we were saying the words on the screen, the machine went completely berserk and cleaned the fellow's hat in the balcony. I was paid $25 for this day's work and after some expenses and some money I gave my grandmother, I had left over about $1.35. • From then on show business sort of stayed the same lor a couple of years. Vaudeville got better and much more high class when the Palace was built and soon there wasn't enough room tor both the Palace and Hammer- stem's and so that great theatre closed. Then came the picture theatres—first with the grand organ, then the con^ cert orchestra and then finally with the big stage show which,' because of the great seating capacity, they could afford. The sound system, of course, was in its early stage development, but that did not worry anybody. I recall playing at the N. Y. Hippodrome* and the Hippodrome in Cleveland, both massive theatres, with no sound equip- ment and there never, was any thought that I . could not l?e heardi But nowadays we have to have the microphone for everything. For even the smallest, littlest room. Even at Home in the morning when a fellow goes to the ]bath- rpom, if he wants to call to his wile about breakfast, he has to take the mike with him. Only the other day I heard a fellow complaining. He has an AC mike and a DC bathroom. It's very difficult for him. -vnd so I was one of the first of, shall we say, the big actors to play in the motion picture theatres. By this time through the medium of "The Jazz Singer" and many other appearances I ^^■as able to command a large salary At the N.. Y. Paramount theatte I received $4,000 a week" After taking care of my first wife, my second wife and some other obligations I had left over about $1.35. ■ ■ -.1 .:';Came.Rad io I 'Then the radio came—a whole new business that the k public had nothing to do with whatsoever. If the client ^ikcd you it was okay because suddenly the client who mav hevcr have been m a theatre in all his life, fascinated jby the magic of hearing his name over the air waves— ''Pullman Pretzels proudly presenls"-became the last word on what you did on his hall hour. Only a fevv of us succeeded in overcoming the =;ponsor trouble ManV great artists who never had a chance on the radio must b ame the surveys for not getUng their right opportunitv Those surveys (only lately brought to light in the a,t Presidential eIocUon)-oh these surveys with their re markable ..systems of determining wliat the American pub- lic was listening to. They made one phone call in Mass- achusetts, two in Newark, and one in Honolulu In th-.t way It was determined what tlie fr How in Ruibbernose Kansas, was listening to. If t^^o out of these three r .1 k were listening to anything, or if they did not have a ra io ''"y one-that gave certain pro- grams 461 s points. However, I stayed on the air one.full year and at quite (Continiiecl on page 54). GENTLEMEN OF DEPRESS By JACK BENNY Hollywood. For the past several years I've noOced a growing tend- ency on the part of radio editors to gang up on the radio comedians and accuse them of using the samejto^e humor year after year. The main targets for tTxeSeVer- liumor year a ^^^^^ ^^^^^ Bennys, Ber- (gens, Cantors, the you-should-excuse- the-expression. Aliens, and the rest of the ranking rib-ticWferSi . . v;^- Invariably the reviewers admit that the top Comedians have top comedy shows, and almost alw:ays :feaye funny , programs. Their beef steins iron* the fact that the programs always use the same characters and; situations, "Well," as the disk jockey said as he sat before his turntable, "let'is look . at the records." The battle cry of the "Let's Save ■ Jack Beimy Radio" critics seems to be, "The lis- teners want a change." But do they? How many newcom- ers are there in Hooper's Golden First 15 today who ^ weren't there a year ago—or two years ago—or 10 years ago? Very few, if any. Amos 'n' Andy were public favorites in 1929. They still are today. Eddie Cantor, Al Jolson, Fred Allen, Burns & Allen; etc., have all ranked high in the Hoopers for over a dozen years, and will continue to do so as long as they dish the dialers the brand of radi<) entertainment they've, handed out in the past. Now for the critics who want the radio raconteurs to change their style of comedy so that the listeners will get a "welcome change." Most comics have spent many years, pertecting their individual comedy styles, and would be completely lost without them. Burns & Allen's mixed marital problems reap a bo- nanza of boffs, and so do Amos 'n' Andy's blackfaced buffoonery. Would the critics have George and Gracie darken their dialog and A & A jump into domestic comedy? . >■;. ■ Bob Hope has a pace and brashness I envy. But 1 know that I'd be floundering in "flop-sweat''-if I tried Bob's delivery. But I do flatter myself into thinking Hope can't get as much out of a "Weill!!" as I do. Now let us take my own show as an example, r (This example can now be.heard on CBS at the usual time.) It took 17 years to develop the characters on my show. They're as good as my writers and I can make them. Each week we've tried to inject a new situation, idea, or char- acter into our script, and filling 20 pages a week for 39 weeks isn't easy. So ,what happens? A reviewer comes alongv says the show was great, the audience loved it, the script was hilarious.'; . . BUT ... I was the same, stingy, toupee- topped, faulty fiddler; Mary was still snippy; Phil con- tinued as a fugitive from Alcoholics Anonymous;; Dennis was still silly; Don continued to be fat; and Rochester was the same sassy hutlef he alway^was. Now, I've been reading this reviewer's column for many years, and it's a darn good column. But every week, every year, this columnist's style of writing is always the same. Never changes. Always verbs, pronouns and adjectives. Why doesn't he get some new things? CM CridL Whiz on Show Biz <)uiz «y ARTHUR KOBER: (With ofto\o{)ies to FronJc SiiUiwon Reshuffle 'Variety'? "Variety, the Bible ot Sh'ow Business, is radio's severest - critic. It has a staff"of radio critics who are too numerous and too powerful to mention. They often suggest there be changes in the styles and formats of the radio pro^ grams. ■ . ■ Well, let's look at Vabiety. Let's see what made it the Bible oi Show Business: A style that hasn't changed in the 43 years VAniETY has been in existence. A stylized type of writing, brief and biting, that has become part of the English language. - What would happen if Variety changed styles? Would their reviews be written verbosely? Would I find vaude- ville news in the Literati section? Would- Radio be printed: under the heading of Legit? . Would movie reviews be printed in the Obituary section? (This happened once, but I don't want to talk about "The Horn Blows At Mid- night" any more.) And one more thing. Radio critics scream, "Why don't the comics stop already with program about ThanksgiV" ing; Christmas, etc.? The air is filled with them at these times of the year." . The critics are right/ 1, like every other comic, do a Thanksgiving show: and Christnias show. What would they have: me do on Christmas? Set off skyrockets and roman candles Mid have Phil wish me a Happy 4th of July? (Say, come to think of: it, Dennis could, wish me a Happy 4th of July on Christmas and get a laugh with it. Not much of a laugh, but it will show the critics I'm on my ••■toes.) •. ■ ■ Do the critics want the comics to tell World Series jokes on the day the Rose Bowl game is being played? Shall we do Easter Egg programs on Ground Hog Day? Writers, who have a tough enough time getting subject material, look forward to these special days and events. It gives them something they can only tackle once a year. To deprive the writers of this boon would be to add insult "to their ulcers. And finally for the subject of opening programs. The one that 99% of the reviewers review. The first show of the season is the toughest to write.' For the other 38, the calendar allows only seven days between shows. But the first of the season is usually started, two to three weeks ahead of time. With so much extra time, why do the comics all do the same thing—talk about what they did on their vacations? Well, let me ask you something. If you worked with someone closely and then separated for the entire summer, what would be the first thing you'd ask him when you saw him again? Would you ask him wliat he had for lunch Wednesday? What he thought of the Gallup Poll? How he liked J;me Russell in "The Ouf.^ law"? Or what he did . on his vacation? I know that's (he fli-.st .question 1 ask my radio associates in real life-^ and i try to keep my show as true to life as possible. Television is with us now, and I'm waitihg for some reviewer to say, "It was an enjoyable videO jshOw, but darn ilj always the same old faces/' ond, perhop*. to Variety.) Q Mr. Sullivan, you are, are you not, the creator of Mr ■ Arbuthnot, the cliche expert whose testimony has so frequently appeared in the pages of The New Yorker? A Yes, Mr. Arbuthnot is my stooge. He s the Charlie McCarthy to my Edgar Bergen. In the slanguage of Variety he whanjs across a carload of ,corn thats strlx from Dix. ' Q. By Variety you mean the , showman's Bible? , ^ . A. Right. It's the sheet that had that sock head: "HIX NIX EJXT' Q. Your knowledge of the jargon would indicate^ an association with the theatre—pardon me—with show | biz. Is that true? „ , v A. So far you're solid with Sul.>^ I Qwn a piece of the legits launched y Arthur Kober by vet showmen, Crouse & Lindsay. "~ Q. They are—are they not—part owners of the Hud- ■ soil theatre, that showcase on 44th street that was closed for a while? A. In the jive of the showshops, a theatre is never closed: it is shuttered, and usually for a facelift. Q. Tell me, Mr. Sullivan, have you bankrolled any cur- rent legit? A. I own a slice of "Life With Mother," the foUowup on "Pa." Q. Can you tell us something about this click? A. Gladly. This legit was brainchUded by Russel Crouse and Howard Lindsay. - Q. Aren't they two auths whose spesh is abdominal . glee? A. Correct. Well, after the prelim kickoff in the stix which was sparked by rdve reviews, it bowed in at the Empire and because of the terrif thesping of Dorothy Stickney and mate, it rated sock mitt: action from the: ; fancy preem clients. Q. And what about the crix? A. They all gave it the nod sans a single pan. Q. And hasn't it since played to boff b.o. with a hefty take in the till? A. Oh, yes. There's been plenty of bloom on~that b.o. heather. Q. Now suppose the aisle-sitters had axed it, and snp« ■ pose the cash customers had donned mittens, then what? A. The show would have folded, leaving the chumps who angeled it plenty in the red with the brokers wailing on each other's lapels. Q. Mr. Sullivan, can you tell us what happens when a 1 thesper garners rave reviews on B'way?, ' A. He gets a nudge from H'wood. Q. You mean, there is a powwow with a maje pic rep. A. Correct. After a huddle over terms, he is inked to a pact, ankles the show, and you next see him spotted in Variety under "N. Y. to L. A." Q. And then? A. ■ He becomes a filmstar who is seen in mellers, who- dunits and sobbers. :. : Q. He could be in a pic with a comedic note in which he rates yocks due to his zany antics. A. Oh, ye.s. But if he skids, then he's lagged by the B-keepers and is spotted in oaters and clifThangers. Q. What if he's another Paul Muni? : A. Then he rates the name role in biopix. If these - items are real wall-smashers, he is signatured to a new ' deal With, a hike in the upcoming semester.;':j . Q. And if the thesper is a femme star ^with a: classy :■ set of pipes? ■ A. Then she is tapped to do the chirping, in a high- budgeted filmusical. Usually a tinter. Q. And where are these tunefilms released? A. In the firstrun spots in the keys.' Then in the hinterland. . ■ Q. You mean, the nabes? A. That's right. ' Q. .Assuming that in the initial teeoif the pic is a surer fire grosser, what happens next? A. If the b.o. is standout, solid, sizzling and sultry, it^ becomes an h.o. and plays additional stanzas. Q. In other words, it depends on the take. If it Is lofty, lusty, robu.st and rousing, there are continued , rounds. Right? AT Precisely. If the fees are neat, trim, hefty and plush, the pic stays on indef until it is hypoed into &: final session.' ■:- Q. Which is called? A. The blowoff. Q. But what if the tariff is thin, the admish limping, the returns n.s.h., and biz does a dive? A. Then it's murder, Jackson, with the exhibs crying the blues! Right now the lull is clipping -pic biz with the grosses in the low register. The lots are axing wholesale with a couple studios shuttered. , 'Qi . How do you account for the. b.o. downbeat? A. Too much conipetish from . the giveaway gimmicks. The radio-dialers are home/hugging the hearthstone. Q. But I thought the webs, too, were feeling the slougli in. biz. , ■ ■ A. And so they are. Plenty : of slots are on the cuff due to, bent bankrolls. Some frames "Just can't wrap ui) a:'deal. ■■: ■ ■ /■ ■ Q.' ^No ante?' , A. Exactly. One ciggie outfit just nixed a deal for new crossboard daytime strip Vyith largest indie skein. The network prexies, veepees and execs are in hassles,; tearing their Westmores as they mull projects, with serious reshuffling indicated. Q. Do you think television—? A. Tele-WHAT ! I ! Q. I beg your pardon. Do you think video has any- thing to do with the slump? , ' A. Could be. But even in teevee the red ink is heavy with the loot light. Q. Aren't there any packages permanently berthed in slot? A. A few, but many are strictly cuffo. Q. -Waiting for what?, A. To snare a sponsor. So'far the video nicHeT ai* crammed with corn. Q. Then how do you rate Toscanini who got off to a ; .. (Continued on page 54) '.