Variety (Jan 1949)

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Wmlnesday, January 5, 3L949 Forly'lhird p^SniETY Anniversary i>I€T1JREJ$ SI < My Friends-ladles and Gentlemen By EDDIE CANTOR: Eddie Guitor Hollywood. In my home I have a special room on the walls of which hang personally inscribed plfttographs from niy friends- ladies and gentlemen. Would you like to look at them with me while I make comment? . Here is an old pictiUe of Deanna Durbin when she was quite young. During the time she appeared on my radio program we were constantly be- sieged by mothers who hM daughters who were "just as good as iDeaniia Durbin." Backstage; at Kieith's, BOs^ ton, one woman broke in Where I was sitting in the Green Room- with Deanna, waiting to go on fOr our ' fourth OF fifth show Of the day. This hefty mama pointed a pudgy finger at'Deanna and said, "When Mir. Can^ tor hears my Marilyn, you will be out of a job." Imagine Deanna's feelings: After Marilyn had croaked two numbers I said to her mother, "I'm very sorry, my dear lady, this cliild has no talent. Let her go out and play with dolls and skates and have a normal childhood. "She has no personality, no voice, just nothing." Without a word the woman took her daughter by the hand, made quickly for the door, at which time she whirled around with this exit line: "Mr. Eddie Cantor—i you stink too!" , Deanna laughed till the tears rolled down her face. I just wondered. Alongside of the Durbin likeness is one of the immortal Will Rogers. It was in Cleveland back in 1917 when I Introduced him to his first kosher meal. He loved the chopped liver, he lapped up the chicken soup with matzo: balISi he devoured two orders of goulash. Between bites he kept saying, "What a pity, what a pity." As we left the: restaurant I inquired from him, "Bill, why did you keep on saying 'what a pity' all during the meal?" •> He told me, "What a pity that it's too late for me to become Jewish!" Here is the svelte, well-dressed Fannie Brice. What«fun: we had in the Ziegfeld "Follies" of 1917 and 1918. Noth- ing.ever.'bothered Fannie. She had no worries, no nerves. Many know the famoilfe story about, opening night of the "iFollles" in Atlantic City, when she was almost late for her first entrance. Where was she? Selling one of her hats to a> showgirl in the dressing room. But here is somelliing that even tops that. Several years ago, Fannie had a heart attack, phoned the doctor, who got an am- bulance and brought her to the Cedars of Lebanon Ho.s- pitalin Los Angeles. When I learned of this, the next day; I hurried to visit my old friend. Imagine then, my sur- prise. Here was Fannie in :an oxygen tent with a Racing Form and a telephone placing bets on tracks all over the . country! No.wonder I love her. (She gave me two win- ners/that day.) smile. "Hello, Dinah." She, asked him If he had any particular song he'd like to hear. • Sure," he said feebly, " 'Blues in the Night'." Dinah asked him to give her a beat just by clapping his hands and there in the stillness of the room, with this veteran clapping hands, Dinah sang several songs'to the most appreciative audience any singer ever had. When she left the boy said, "Dinah, I'll always remember you." Dinah said, "I'll remember you, too." And as we walked down the hall the nurse told us, "That's the last bit of entertainment he'll ever liiive, poor fellow." Here is Jack Benny, .\merica's definition for miser. But even he. away from the microphone, kids about his so-called miserliness. In speaking to Burns & .A.Uen re- cently. Jack said, "I'm cra/y about EddJe Cantor, and I think he likes me too. Eddie would give me the shirt off his back ..." ' George Burns said, "What would you do?" Jack replied, "I'd wash it, iron it, and Charge him 35c.!" I' :'.. ■ ■■ ■ ".Ula' s'.W-arnins:; ] Chevalier stnd Dinah Who's the guy in the comer with the straw hat- and the ? droopy lip? Chevalier, who else? During the early '30s in Hollywood we used to see a lot of each other,' One night after a picture, Maurice and his wife, Ida and I, dropped in: at the Pig 'n' Whistle. Not Only the custom- ers, but the waitresses stared wild-eyed. Here was-the great Chevalier.- The girl "trembled as she-placed~th^ coffee ring and cup of coffee before him. He broke the coffee ring in half and did what we all do. The waitress' line came across to us from 20 feet away; "Look, girls, he dunks like a regular person!" Who is that girl surrounded by all of J;hose hospitalized veterans? It's ""Dtnah Shore. The best durn singer of popular songs in »Mie whole world. What makes her so good? The gal just loves to sing. A few weeks ago Dinah and_I played several hospitals on the Purple Heart circuit. A sight: ! shall always remember is her walking into a: room with one lone boy^ a guy who was desperately sick^ He recognized her instantly and managed to break into a *. . . A Great Audience' "Thank you, ladies and genllemen. You're a great audience." •' Maybe I'm lying, but that's what I'll always say even though they miglit be tlie toughest. I learned tliat the ,hard way. , Back in the happy vaudeville days our route gen- erally called for a date in Milwaukee following Chi- cago. Chicago audiences were what the acts called pushovers; while the Milwaukee patronage was the coldest mob we liad to play to any where in ihe United States. The standing gag was, "So you think you're . good, eh? Wait until you play Milwaukee." I was a pretty fresh and confident kid when I ap- peared there doing my first Single act. The opening oay, several great standard acts on ahead of me. laid their expected eggs, but that didn't bother me, 1 did my opening song just as cocky as ever—nothing hap- pened. I told the next two gags that killed them only the night before in Chicago—^overwhelming silence. The rest of my act was received with even less en- thusiasm. At each succeeding performahce I switched 'ny gags and songs around trying to find the secret ot how to get some response from a Milwaukee audi' ence. By the fourth day I started using the old gag, , There must be somebody out there, I can hear you breathing." Nothing helped. Friday matinee I looked : down into the first row and tliscovered a man with ; his arms folded, his eyes closed, and his chin resting en his chest. I pointed to him and wisecracked, "Boy, «m I killing them here. Look, there's a guy I just put to sleep." I thought I was pretty cute until I exited and the stage manager shook his head sadly and remarked, "You shouldn't have said that about that fellow in the first row, he's one of our regular patrons. He comes here every Friday afternoon and he enjoys the show even though he's paralyzed and blind." P.S^"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. You're a areat attdience." — Georgie Price, ^ Here's a picture of a lovely lady. You don't recognize her face, but you'll know her I'm sure. She's as well known as anyone on my wall of pictures. It's Ida. Re- cently I attended a meeting with Nelson Rockefeller oh Brotherhood Week in his suite at the Ambassador Hotel. I called Ida, who was sunning herself in Palm Springs. My wife asked me where I was calling, from, and I told her."From Nelson Rocketeller's suite." "Who?", she inquired. I said,"Nelson Rockefeller,r-you know, the Rockefeller family.". •„ Then Ida admonished, me, and I could almost see her shaking her finger at me as she said, "Don't get in with any of his schemes now!" . . . . One of my all-time favorite teams is Block & Sully. Here's a lovely picture of them between Sophie Tucker and Sidney Greenstreet. They're almost lost between tliose two. In the early Chase & Sanborn days they ap- peared on quite a few of my programs. Jessie and Eva also played in one of my Goldwyn musicals, .lessie has a deadpan wit which is different than the Broadway kind because it never hurts anyone . . . like the time he was visiting Jack Benny in Beverly Hills. On the morning when Jack and Jessie were being driven hack to New York by automobile. Jessie, who lives at the Essex House in New York, said to Benny, whose New York residence is the Sherry-Netherland Hotel, "Jaclf, let me sit near the door, I get out first." - I Max Gonlow—Quiz Kid Anyone who, knows Max Gordon,' famed Broadway pro- ducer of "Born Yesterday" and a dozen other smash- hits, will tell you that he is always seeking information. Once when he was in Washington with one of his plays he. was invited- to lunch at the .White House by Mrs. Roosevelt. As they were being seated, tlie First Lady of the Land in- troduced Max to a Dr. So-and-So. This was fine with Max. He said, "Doctor, every now and then after I finish eat- ing, I have a burning sensation . . ." The doctor smiled apologetically and said; "Sorry; Mr. Gordon^ but I am not a doctor of medicine, 1 happen to be a doctor of economics." Without batting an eyelash. Max Gordon wanted to know, "What's good in the market. Doc?" The Fabulous Jessel If there's one, there must be a dozen pictures of this guy Jessel. There's a good reason. Ours has been a friendship of almost 40 years. Georgie Is the nio.st unpre- ffrctable, fabulous character in all of this thing we call show business. He'll owe you $12 fromi a: gin rummy game for two years and grab a. check for 11 guests at Romanoff's and slip the captain 20 bucks and the check room girl-five. Of course with the latter he figures he might marry her in a wild moment. He's the fastest guy on Iris feet I've ever known. ; To play with him on a stage is a constant challenge. Foi a guy who has had no formal education 1 am continually amazed at where he finds such words and the knack of putting them together. He is equally at liome at a dinner to the President of the United States or the manager of a small-town ball club, or a women's auxiliary, or a social group of ex-umbrella makers. The things he has said on, the spur, of the moment have become legend. For instance, on my first trip to Hollywood to make a picture, Jessel told the gang at Lindy's, "II I know Cantor lie's the only guy who'll get off at Albuquerque and sell blankets to the Indians!" And when, someone told me I was working too hard and that I certainly can't take it with me, Jessel remarked, ''If Cantor can't take it with him he ain't goin'!" He'll do anything for a laugh and will go to. any extreme to prove a point: One night at my home he wanted to show my family that mine was an imaginary illness, fl was suffering from stomach trouble at the time. Low Hooper, or .something.) "Eddie." he said, "it's all in your imagination. You can eat any tiling, Give me a combination that you think will hurt me." I. was going to show him up. "Here's some mustard, gin, ketchup and soda. Let's see you put that in your stomach." Jessel not only did, but added some cigar ashes to it! Then played two hours of gin rummy, had four or five glasses of brandy 'and was rehearsing at nine o'clock in the morning while 1 stayed in bed because of my over- indulgence of graham crackers and cream. . Have you ever- been awakened at four o'clock in the morning with a long-distance call? Weren't you scared? I was. Jessel was in New York at Reuben's Restaurant. I was at my home in Beverly. Hills. Jessel veiled into the phone. "Eddie? This is Georgie. I'm at Reuben's Restau- rant in New York." I thought he was in great trouble, but the next line just killed me. ''Listen, kid." he warned me, "if you ever eat a sturgeon; sandwich on rye bread, leave oft" the Russian dressing, you won't like it!" and hung up. He's one of the most sentimental guys you'll ever meet. Look at the fine, successful pictures he produced at 20th Centui-y-Fox. You may recognize a face here and there guys that Jessel knew way back in show bu.siness who needed the work. And what that guy does with a funeral oration!! Of course I think he has all the stuff prepared in advance. I know he has notes on me and it worries me when he calls me in the morning and says, "How do you feel, Eddie?" I know why the dirty dog is calling. But if I had to spend the rest of my life with one guy any place ia the world, I'd want that guy to be Georgie Jessel. Ted Piatt Nothing Two-Bit About This Business By THEOD .)RE PRATT Illitcralus Scribodo, the eminent author, was having a conference with his publishers. At the climax of the polite literary discussion, when seven members of tlie publishing v firm held lUiteratus down on the floor, while the other three kicked him, llliteratus .screamed: "You damned washerwomen, you won't: be in business much longer be? cause-books are going to be origihal ; 25c jobs pretty, soon.'' .■.^^■^■^ -y'-y-'^-, One partner, before he .'could tliihk; gave llliteratus an extra vicious kick in the sidemeat, but the; other nine ; let go of him and blanched, Piteously, the head of the firm ,p.leijdfi.d, 'JBUt:,;. ■ there will be a few harix hooks'pub? lished, won't thQre?^';r; . .; :. ?,- > Disdainfully, llliteratus:aliowe(i Mni. ; a. few..-. '.I '^.^ What, these illustrious characters meant by this gentle scone perhaps needs to be explained to the lay; V.^RtETY reader. It is of possible interest to pictures, radio, and television, as one course some of their ■ raw material—stories—may take in the future. What llliteratus meant was that "hard books," or regular books with hard board covers, haven't been doing so well for the past few years except for a handful, particularly if they are book dub choices ol-the synthetic, manufac- . tured bestseller variety. The s.iles of other works of fiction ' have been in the murder chiss. People have found that they need J;o eat at high prices more than they need to read. , On the other hiind, the 25c pocket book busihess, after faltering a tew years ago, is on the big boom. People will read at twro bits where they won't at $2.50 to $5. The two largest and - four smaller firms in the 25c field during the present year sold around 100,000,000 copies. That's \ a .'i>'2,'),000,000 gross business. Not bad for a quarter article. In their original hard book appearance most novels do well if they sell 5,000 copies, and quite well if they reach 10.000. Much above that puts them nearly in the class of selii^claiming themselves; as best sellers, even if only ■ briefly. In the 25c field the usual first printing is around 300,000. Brslcine Caldwell's novels and those of Erie Stanley Gardner sell not merely in aniUions, but over " 10,000,000 for each author. .Another author has one book that so far has sold 1,900,000 copies in the pocket filler : reprint edition. This brings up the question; of a possible revolution in' the book publishing and selling trades. That's what lllit- eratus was threatening his publishers with. Are the 25e boys going to.be content with publishing reprint material? ..Mready they have issued, successfully, some original western, mystery, and popular textbook volumes, bypassing (he regulation, trade publisher entirely. It is whispered that the 2i5c boys have their eye on the original fiction field, using the novels of first-line authors.. Penn ies From Heaven | If coming-at all, this is probably some distance . away; An author who sells even pretty well is still better off by lirst operating through his regular hard cover publish- ers. But if those on the borderline did not have: to split with their publishers the present Ic per- copy paid by ■ the:25e boys, and if this low penny royalty were, raised; which it could be with future lowering of production costs, it might be another stor,v, In such case it is workable . .that :an. author would _do_ a lot better listening to the : direct blandishments ol the two-bit boys. Besides the money angle, most authors would rather , have half a million, copies of a bock sold than 10,000. lUiteratus; emerging from the conterence with his pub- lishersi says he would. An author writes to get read as well as to express himself and maTte a living. i If this revolution actually comes about, there would i remain a healthy chunk ot the book publishing business still trading at the old .st.ind with hard cover books at high prices. Discriminating people, collectors, li'oranes, and the desire for booKs as gitts, and such, would; keep a portion of the: present kind of publishing going. But a larger,' perhaps the largest segment, conceivably. could . be shunted off into the 2,')c field. ; This means rriore books would be issued for mass dis- tribution, It would mean more literary properties with huge sales established to build up audiences for pictures, radio, and video programs using the stories. It might even mean the by-product of a more literate ' American public. Many of the two-bit choices in books have been surprisingly, sometimes astoundingly, good. The quarter boys are, and can afford to be, very choosy. They found good stuff ppys off. In that respect the book piihlishing revolution is already here, for while the hard book fellows have been manufacturing cheese on a mass- production ba.sis and gagging a large section of the book- buying public on the quality of their limburgerj the two-bit boys have been putting the best on the. stknds.-' Meanwhile,"Illiteratus hasn't forgotten the magical effect • of his words at the conference with his publishers. The . next time the 10 brutes get him down on the floor and start to jump on him he knows, that all he has to do is holler: "25c books!" He Couldn't See the Point The most embarrassing, moment in my life happened while I was on. the stage. I had run away from home at .. the age of 18 to join the Ben Greet Company, because I -.' wa,? convinced- that ,1 ■Was probably the greatest Shake- ; .<pcarean character actress, in the world. We opencd m Chicago m "Romeo and Juliet." I played . .the nurse and doubled in the last act as Count Paris, , , .unsuccessful suitor for Juliet's hand. The Ben Greet Company was on its uppers, and the green tights 1 wore ■as. Count Paris were obviously too . smaU .and tight for my capacious proportions. In the middle: of the duel . scene, there was an ominous rip frprn the back. So I fought the , duel ahd was, killied by • Romep standing as' I leaned against the backdrop. The audience was amazed, and a famous critic, James O'Donnell Bennett,, wrote the following: Y "An unknown.actress called Elsa Maxwell played the most' extraordinary death scene in the history ot the theatre, She fought and died in the same position, pinned through: to the wall by Romeo's Sword!" —Elso Maxwell.