Variety (January 1952)

MEWHUES Votiy^ixtk 'Atml*er**ry iMimJift Jmumurj 2,1952 Ken Enelnnd AFTER PRESENTATION CREDIT: HYPERTHYROID PICTURES PRESENT— and the trademark— a midget with a sucker hitting a mothball— TITLE appears: *THE DAY HOLLYWOOD STOOD STILL’ OVERSHOTS OF: Worlds colliding; shooting stars shooting, the Aurora Borealis; and generally milking the Milky Way for whatever it’s worth pictorially. FADE IN: INT. BOARD ROOM OF THE CHEMICAL BANK— N. Y. C.-r-DAY— MEDIUM FULL SHOT— THE MEMBERS OF THE BOARP AND PRESIDENT ZORAB. ( The latter presiding. Zorab Salmon P, Zorab to be exact, wears an irongrey*. crew cut, is Princeton ’08, and the'scion of a fine old Wall Streetfaring family!) ZORAB Then it is generally agreed, gentlemen, that We finance the Doctor's mission knowing full well the risks? (There are grave, white-haired nods 1 of agreement.) ZORAB (into intercom speaker) Send in the Doctor—— (Zorab presses a concealed, button arid the thick doors open to permit DOCTOR SiQISMUtiD SPACE to enter. He wears a Rocket Suit, smog helmet, ray and Flit guns in his .belt, an electric blanket strapped to his. back. He slides open the. glass panel in his Smog helmet permitting him to . speak. He has the slightest trace of a Brooklyn accent, but it. is charming,) DR. SPACE Gentlemen, everything is in readiness. I only hope that you have all agreed— — . ZORAB We have, Doctor, ( the Doctor beams), And we feel that the Space Ship you have built could reach its destination. BUT, once there, can you. exist . long enough to complete , your mission? DR. SPACE I’ve taken that all into account. We know there is some life there different from purs. We also" have reason to believe that somehow the inhabitants exist in an atmosphere dense with a substance called smog. This will not, as you see, catch us unprepared, ( taps his helmet proudly. It echoes hollowly.) ZORAB That answers that question. Who are you taking with you beside The Thing? You’ll Only have ro.om fqr two more and, in all fairness, of the thousands of scientists who have beggpd to go, I hope you have chosen the two: that’ll be the most use to you. ? DR. SPACE I have, (speaking into radar phone mouthpiece attached to helmet ,) Send in Doctor O’Day. • (The doors open, admitting beautiful lady scientist, measuring 38-23-36. She. wears the regulation lady scientist’s rocket attire, tight satin blouse, short skirt, 4-inch heels and an ankle bracelet inscribed with scientific calculations. The board sits up and collectively straightens its tie. One or two arteries are heard softly snapping.) ZORAB (frowning at Dr. Space) This lady is a scientist? DR. SPACE One of the greatest; Doctor Dawn O’Day. The most notable living authority ori oxygen^ — ~ DR. O’DAY ( deadpan— automatically! Oxygen OK. DR. SPACE (sotto voce) Not -yet, dear, (to Zorab) Her experiments with lung ex-: pension are enormous ZORAB And your other teammate? DR. SPACE (into radar phone) Send in Dr. Latour. ( The doors open and. the second beautiful lady scientist enters — 36-25-38— attired in the same costume as her sister scientist. The board gapes.) DR. SPACE Doctor Taffy Latour, gentlemen, greatest; living authority on elevation and guided missiles. DR. LATOUR (solemnly, efficiently) Raise the elevators! DR. SPACE Doctor Latour is also the daughter, of Professor Latour at Columbia, helping to finance her aged father’s experiments in the effects of hot air by dancing at the Copa along with Doctor O’Day. ZORAB Well, you seem to have chosen wisely. After ail, it is your rocket and it is /a long tedious trip— ^ — DR. LATOUR . Raise the elevators. DR. SPACE (red faced): Not yet, Doctor., (to Zorab) And now, sir, any last minute instructions? I’ye already read my; sealed Orders. I thought you. wouldn’t mind. I had to know which way to: point the rocket — they can be balky things— — zorAb Yes— well then you know that you are to try to reach the West Coast with The Thing intact. DR. O’DAY Huh? DR. SPACE Never mind, Doctor— -• ZORAB The last two men toe sent on this vital mission never reached there by rail. We have reports, unconfirmed, that they got off at Phoenix by mistake and are now selling Indian blankets. DR. SPACE Foor devils! By KEN ENGLUND zorab And, remember, DeMllle couldn’t even find the place at first, and has never returned or been heard of since! DR. SPACE Don't worry, Chief— we’ll be back. ZORAB One more: thing. (He rises, goes to a wall graph charting the rise and fall of the various motion picture stocks.) ZORAB Whether these go up or whether these go down depends on yOur successful carrying Oiit of secret plan RW. DR. SPACE We won’t fail the Chemical Bank, " And now I believe we’ll, take Off— — DR. O’DAY Oxygen O.K. DR. SPACE ( gently) Not yet— not till w.e get in the rocket. DR, O’DAY Oh, I haven’t even seen your old rocket anyway! I’ll, bet you .don’t even have One— (The board laughs goodnaturedly J ZORAB Have the girls— I mean Doctors— everything they need? Are those flying suits going to be-— er — adequate? DR. SPACE Oh, -these just their launching skirts. Their flight attire is more practical for fooling around at; the controls. (Doctors O'Day and Latour, demonstrating, step out of their launching skirts to stand revealed in black lace rocket flight pants. The bank’s President Emeritus faints dead away!) ZORAB (to Dr. Space enviously) Godspeed! DISSOLVE EXT. ROCKET LAUNCHING GROUNDS— NIGHTFULL SHOT— THE SPACE SHIP— THE BOARD IN F. G. (Zorab and the Board wave goodbye as the three. Doctors enter the ship. Dr. Space stopping at the fuselage door to wave back.) DR. SPACE And away we go! “(Zorab breaks a roll of quarters over the hose of the rocket, the explosive gas bursts into flame at the tail, and the ship takes off, SOUND EFFECT: SWISH!) DISSOLVE EXT. STRATOSPHERE— LONG SHOT— NEAR SATURN (The space ship is skyrocketing through the heavens.) INT. SPACE SHIP— MEDIUM SHOT— THE THREE DOCTORS (It is two light years arid some three days later. The three Doctors lie at the controls exhausted. A giant packing crate takes up the bulk of the interior stenciled: “THE THING— this end up.” Doors lead off to three restrooms, their signs reading “LADY SCIENTISTS”— “GENTLEMEN SCIENTISTS”— “THINGS”) DR. O’DAY Where the hell do you think we are now? DR. SPACE (peering out irritably). I told that engineer to wipe the windshield! DR, LATOUR I don’t get it. Isn’t this going around Hogan’s Alley just to get to the West Coast? DR. SPACE , (studying radar compass) I wanted to approach from the Pacific Ocean side by an indirect rpute, hoping that the ocean breezes would blow away the smog allowing us to find some landmark, and if my calculations are correct DR, O’DAY They’re not — we’re lost, bud! DR. LATOUR Hey! What’s that big fat thing? It’s coming right & us. DR. SPACE (leaping to controls) . Right rudder! DR. LATOUR ( leaping f too) DR LATOUR Stabilize neutralizers. DR. SPACE Neutralize stabilizers. DR, LATOUR Neutralize stabilizers. DR. SPACE Wait! There’s something on the Visibility Screen— letter* irig on a water tower— L— A— S— V— E-—G— A— S. Fasten money belts! DRl LATOUR Fasten money belts! DR. O’DAY Oxygen OK. DR, SPACE Full speed— North North East. . DR. LATOUR Full speed — North North East. (A few moments of silence as they straighten but and zoom Over the California countryside.) DR; SPACE (looking out,, jubilantly) We’re passing over Burbank. What does that sign read? W — A— R— N— E — R— -B—R— O— S. Punch time clocks! DR. LATOUR PunCh time clocks. DR. SPACE I see a clearing in the fog! Here goes — Don crash hel Right rudder. DR. O’DAY Oxygen OK. (They miss Saturn by an inch.) DR. SPACE Whew! That was a Close one, (pleased with himself.) You have to be pretty nimble where a nimbus is concerned! (But his joke is lost on both liis colleagues.) DR. O’DAY I’m getting sick of this! You said. I’d have a future in Hollywood and we can't even find it! dr. Latour Me, too. Let’s turn back. This is strictly for the birds! DR. SPACE Let’s take a vote on it. I say keep And you. Doctor Dawn? DR. O’DAY Go back!. DR. SPACE And YOU, Doctor Taffy? DR. LATOUR Go back but def! DR. SPACE There, you are ; that makes three in all— we go ahead. (The lady scientists frown and start counting on their fingers,) \ DR. SPACE Wait! Look in the Terra Detector! That black smoky mass— that’s smog, . Hollywood should be directly south or north of us! Down rudders! DR, LATOUR . . (taking her station ) Down rjudders. DR. SPACE Oxygen OK? , (no answer) I said Oxygen . OK? DR. O’DAY Oh— yeah — Oxygen OK. . DR. SPACE Stabilize neutralizers. DR. O’DAY Oxygen ,OK. (They, brace themselves as the ship descends.) EXT. A HOLLYWOOD CLEARING— FULLSHOT. (As the rocket ship toms onto the greensward a waiting group of press agents and; newspaper photographers run to it excitedly.) ' GROUP (ad lib) It’s King Gable! No, it’s Coop! He said he was gonna buy a helicopter to shoot ducks from! Maybe it’s MacMurray bringing back some more Black Angus for his ranch— or Bing and his boys! (The fuselage door swings open and the three Doctors alight, and start blinking and coughing.) DR. SPACE Don smog helmets! ( to group) Where’s everybody? PRESS AGENTS AND PHOTOGRAPHERS (disgustedly) Aw — they’re hot anybody. (They start to turn away.) DR. SPACE But wait— we’re from another world. A PRESS AGENT Good for you. DR. SPACE (getting sore) Now> listen, I want to talk to all the executive heads of the studios— the fate of the industry hangs on it! (The Group laughs but their spokesman, a more serious type, steps forward!) SPOKESMAN None of them are here, anyway. Most of them are out of town receiving plaques. Hartman is in New York baking out a virus he got: in Palm Springs, and ZanUck is tied up on the Riviera putting out the place cards for Elsa Maxwell. 2ND SPOKESMAN He did however leave Jesse! as his deputy but he had to fly to Erie, Pa., and bury the mayor, a former staunch worker for the Democratic Party and a pretty good softshoe dancer, DR. SPACE I’m afraid you do not comprehend the gravity of rhy mis., If I. cannot convince you With words, well I have terrible power " (The newshawks jeer, hurling taunts: “You have terrible., power, ha, ha, that's rich!” “The Kid's from another world all right. A fugitive from Mennihger's!”) DR. SPACE (with a grave sigh) I don’t want to do it but I’m afraid I’ll have to; It will happen at . the stroke of four! QUICK DISSOLVE: MONTAGE OF SHOTS SHOWING IN SEQUENCE ( Interiors of ' studio steam rooms— and semi-nude : executives disgusted when the steam is turned off, then panicked . , . The lights going out over the pastry table at Romanoff's-^ six exhibitors' Wives from DubUque trampling eclairs underfoot Os they ruri out screaming “I can't see! I've got rich food poisoning— I'm going blind” ... The studio generators stopping and every sound stage going dark. “ Another jurisdictional union dispute ” sigh the actors, huddling against the actresses for simple animal comfort.) THEN INTO: CLOSE SHOT OF NEWS COMMENTATOR AT MICROPHONE. NEWS COMMENTATOR —ahd everything is at a standstill. The electric horse Mario Lanza was riding has stopped, the refrigerating unit at Grauman’s Chinese has ceased to. function, and a steady stream of chocolate-coated, icecream is flowing down the centre aisle. The antique and student lamp factories are idle; add many, an executive croquet playing field will be empty this weekend for the production of wickets has been completely halted. What dreadful power do these , strangers possess? DISSOLVE EXT. THE CLEARING— NIGHT-FULL SHOT OUTSIDE The space ship. (The heads of all the studios stand in solemn asscnibiy at Doctor Space addresses them!) DR. SPACE Executives, producers, gentlemen— I am an emissary from the Chemical Bank in the faraway world of New York — and our bank ( is a heavy investor in motion picture stocks . . . (the executives are restless and frightened) Now; recently a mechanical monster has threateneed to smash bur world to bits— a monster named TV! And what steps have you taken to combat it? ONE EXECUTIVE We’ve trimmed our sails. (Continued on page 56).