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THE PHONOGRAM neighbors. As soon as the thieves got into the house they set the Phonograph running to cover the noise of plunder- ing and went through the house, while the machine ground out some of the latest songs. Goldberg says that hereafter when he goes calling, he will lock his Phonograph in a cage.—From the New Tori Sun. THE PHONOGRAPH AS A BURGLAR ALARM. A South Side man reading in a big apartment house has been robbed two or three times in the past years and finally grew tired of it and set about devising some means of ward- ing off the robbers, which would not necessitate some one remaining in the flat every evening. Not only does he leave the gas lighted, but he has purchased a Phonograph which talks in a jloud and resonant tone for a time and then throws out a few remarks in a deeper voice, accompanied by much laughter. The record is that of a conversation between two men and was made to order. The listener outside of the door of the flat would swear two large, burly men were in the room, and, as the conversation is a long one relative to the ease with which one of the men threw two other men downstairs a few nights before, it is calcu- lated to make a burglar pause and reflect. A megaphone -horn is attached to the machine, which increases the volume of the voices, and when the owner of the device wishes to take his wife to the theatre he sets the repeat switch, which will reproduce the conversation as long as the battery lasts, turns on the machine and goes blithely away. He has not been robbed since he invented the device.—From the Chicago Chronicle.