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OCTOBER 1900 171 with—for the proprietor of a snore to persist in denying the proprietorship. It was a matter of common occurrence for Mr. Simpkins to arise from the breakfast table of a morning, in a highly offended state of mind, grab his hat, and depart for his office in a rage, slamming the door behind him until the chandeliers in the hallway jingled again—should his wife so much as venture to intimate that he had disturbed her the night before. How a man who, like Mr. Simpkins, could lie on his back with his eyes tightly closed and emit roar after roar, which rattled the windows in their casements, threatened to shake the pictures down from the walls, and was sufficient to keep a night watchman awake (to say nothing of Mrs. Simpkins), without waking himself in the meantime, was a problem which his long suffering wife could never satisfactorily solve. However, to proceed with the story. One night recently Mr. and Mrs. Simpkins upon returning from a ball at a rather late, or perhaps we should say, at a rather early hour in the morning, immediately retired, for the purpose of securing such rest as could be obtained in the few hours which would elapse before breakfast time j and as Mrs. Simpkins expected to go to the depot to meet some friends who were to arrive by the 9.30 train that morning, she was of course anxious to obtain, if possible, a short period of undisturbed rest. Judge, therefore, of her dismay, when the first preliminary gurgles from Mr. Simpkins smote upon her ear, followed a moment later by a terrific snort which nearly upset her equilibrium for good and all. It was plain Mr. Simpkins was settling down for the effort of his life 5 and Mrs. Simpkins* suspicions