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OCTOBER 1900 man who ever donned war paint or lifted a scalp with his tomahawk. That such a thought should have occured to as gentle and forbearing a little woman as Mrs. Simpkins had always been, has invariably remained a matter of wonder and surprise among those who have been let into the secret j but to take a charitable view of what happened, we we are inclined to excuse her, on the ground of extreme provocation. Arising from the bed and turning up the gas, Mrs. Simpkins crossed over to the closet at the other end of the room, where reposed the Phonograph, which .she deliber- ately brought out—placing it upon a table near by, after which, she buried herself with some mysterious preparations. When these were completed, and a small tin horn placed in position upon the receiving attachment, she took the ma- chine into the next room, where she started it to going, and then, in a loud voice, announced into the horn, ** Snoring Solo, rendered by Mr. Simpkins at three o’clock in the morning for the edification and amusement of his wife.” She did not hesitate to make her announcement as emphatic as need be, reflecting bitterly, as she did so, that no amount of noise she might make was likely to dis- turb the slumbering Mr. Simpkins. After completing this part of the program; she stopped the machine, and returning to the other room, placed the instrument of vengeance upon a tabourette close to the ride of the bed, in a position from whence the horn projected upward to a point but a few inches from Mr. Simpkins’ rather prominent nasal appendage. That unconscious gentleman was by tins time lying on his left ride, near the edge of the bed, and sending forth a I