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YOU might as well yell, 'God Save the King at a Sinn Fein meeting as to humiliate your wife in public" How to Hold a Wife By WALLACE REID Melbourne Spurr An answer to "How to Hold a Husband" by Dorothy Phillips, in the November issue. TELL all mankind that you have the clearest, sweetest, most charming and tolerant little wife in the world and you have put her in a position from which she cannot retreat gracefully. The actual problem of holding a wife doesn't date back much farther than the ioth Amendment. It used to be that a wife had her choice between staying at home nights and warm- ing her husband's slippers, or fleeing into the cold, cold world with her lover. Wives either were, or they weren't, that's all. Now she has acquired pretty nearly the same right to amuse herself as a man, so Daddy has to begin the A, B, C's, of how to keep friend wife happy enough at home so she won't insist on more than one evening out a week. There may be a lot of ways to make a man happy, but there's just one way to make a woman happy—and that's to love her. Nothing in the nature of love, love expression, ap- preciation, devotion, is too strong for a woman. Women generally live up to what they desire the world to think of them. They arc easily held up to a standard for which they have declared, even when their personal inclina- tions might shatter their good resolutions in short order. If you can get your wife publicly to go on record that she "believes it is a wife's duty to give her husband all the freedom he desires, to pet him, and baby him" you'll find she'll stay put—and consequently manage to be happy about a lot of things that would otherwise open the tear ducts. All women care intensely, vitally, what other people think. A woman may possibly be indifferent to some sorts of criticism —may actually laugh at condemnation of her moral character and her conduct. But what people think or say concerning the way other people, especially husbands, treat her. is the weak spot in her armor every time. As a matter of fact, she does care. If you make the happiness of your married life a matter of pride to your wife, hold her up as an example of the perfect wife to your friends and your union as one of the few happy marriages, she will soon take the greatest pride and pleasure in making your bluff good. You may beat your wife, starve her. commit a murder or keep a harem in private, and she will probably forgive you. But you might as well yell "God save the king" at a Sinn Fein meeting as to humiliate her in public. Woman has a gorgeous faculty for sloughing off any amount of personal and private abuse. She has not sufficiently elimi- nated the primitive to resent that. But a thing that gives her sister woman a chance to sneer—be it so little as a misplaced smile or a forgotten kiss—leaves a wound that will not heal. The seven veils of Salome might almost serve as symbols of the veils that woman uses concerning herself. These little veils that hide her weaknesses, conceal her lacks, enhance her beauty, shade her peculiarities, are the most sacred pretenses of married life. Her little refinements of taste and sentiment, her feminine deceptions concerning herself, are as important protection to her, as his quills are to the porcupine. And the husband who thinks it clever to tear these aside, who wants to show his brilliancy in discovering that they are veils, is just about as smart as the man who sits down on the porcupine. These seven veils can be classified as her traditional belief in: i—Her danger to and from men. 2—Her beauty. 3—Her intellect. 4—Her dependence. 5—Her independence. 6—Her slavery. 7—Her liberty. THE uncivilized side of the feminine nature revels in scenes, and the wise husband must help his wife enjoy herself as much as possible." 28