Show World (September 1910)

September 17, 1910. THE SHOW WORLD Id THE THROBBING THROTTLE ADDRESS ALL CHECKS, theat¬ rical passes, and things worth while to the Bditor; " ‘ I be sedt to the office-boy. J A WEEKLY SAFETY-VALVE REGISTER OF THE PULSE-STEAM OF DAILY DOIN’S THAT MAKE THE WORLD OF SHOW GO ’ROUND J. CASPER NATHAN. Editor I THIS WEEK’S NEWS LAST WEEK OFFICE—WHEREVER THE EDITOR SEES A TYPEWRITER “BOW TO NOBODY; BOW-WOW TO EVERYBODY’ Mothers Taka Concerted Action. (A news note of fifty years hence.) Boston, Mass., Sept. 17, I960. (Exclusively special.)—The mothers of this Republic have organized to prevent their daughters from continuing their disreputable careers as "Stage girl Johnnies,” and hanging around the rear doors of popular theaters of the musical comedy order with boxes of flowers for the charm¬ ing masculine members of the chorus. It will be remembered that when woman was given the right to vote, some years ago, and placed upon an equal polit¬ ical status with man, periodi¬ cals declared that the move¬ ment would lead to general re¬ form, not only because woman would vote with higher moral regard, but, also, because the greatly despised and muchly •I. |.l.>rvd ' Si i-' ... t.... _ Johnny disappeared, but the chorus girl went first. This Is how it happened. As soon as the girls got their rights, they quit the chorus and became theatrical man¬ agers. The managers soon “ ---— - 0 j jobs, found themselves _ _ as well as house and __ and were glad to accept Jobs in the chorus, completely sup¬ planting the girls. Then the unexpected hap¬ pened, as it usually does. With the handsome ex-managers In the chorus, respectable society girls seated in the audience soon became enamored with them. And then the fudge and flower hauling commenced. Pull accounts of the hair¬ pulling matches that ensued *— girls became — the mes " —— - affair, fatuated with the i_ ager, have appeared in this most reliable journal from time to time. As, also, accounts of the stealing of Arthur's fudge by Reginald. But now a solution is to be reached. Many of the heart¬ broken mothers who threaten to disinherit their erring daugh¬ ters are, themselves, stage managers ana the Throbbing Throttle, true to its principle of getting all the news all the time, secured interviews with several of the most prominent lemale Morrises and Tylers. , “f, think it’s just simply aw¬ ful. said Mrs. Smith, the pop¬ ular director of the destinies of the Southern Vaudeville As¬ sociation. "Before thev be¬ came enamored with chorus boys, my two daughters were tall, strapping, dauntless-ap- PJSfihg young women, who shaved themselves each morn- ing and led a quiet, peaceful life, retiring at an early hour each evening. Since they’ve been going with the chorus ^H«i^ they rr,J etIre early each morning 1 . They have exhaust- <1 1 a h nd lr s^"l aC SS, u ?‘ s . ca " d Z DOLAN SEES “THE SWEETEST GIRL IN PARIS” (Being an authentic, verbatim report of a recent conversation between Isadore Zielmansky, who recently changed his name to the less euphonous Patrick Dolan upon acquiring an Interest *” a Metropolitan base-ball team, and Morritz Rosenstein, who styles himself Jerry Nolan, for -- disclosed). s you last^ night, Mishter Dolan? Ain’t e from friendship, den X tell you. X vent ti i bestest friend you got next t political - Nolan — Vere Dolan — Don’t _ _ Nolan — Unt vy von’t I ask j agent unt de oil can? Dolan—Ven you put it mit di_ ______ fine, — “De Sveetest Girl Mit Plaster Paris. Nolan — Did you poison her? Unt does your vife know aboud id? Dolan—My vife vent alonk, you Heiny. Unt de childrens, too. It’s chust so easy fer a pall manager to get tventy passes like von, so vy shouldn’t I be a sport mit mine own fan: Nolan — But de carfares, Mishter Dolan, de carfares! Dolan — Go van, dots only a nickel. I let mnie vite mit de childrens start valking a’ o’clock, unt I meet ’em py de teater on eight. Den ve all valk home. Unt say, dot show J - nickel, unt a hundert nickels, ven I say so mineself. Notink but pretty gi-’~ ' “ -‘ —*t busy voices. ” * ’ —* — - money *- t busy’, de legs „„„ fUPde voices ...... __ ___ — de show business stead fon dot foolish pase-pall * dey gif you fer noting calls de girls de girls, unt sveet girls, ... vere. Oh, how I visht I’l __ vere de legs you see are men’s legs! Nolan — De sorus? You mean de chorus. But you ven you monkey mit ’em. Dolan — Monkey mit ’em? Belief n happen. Efery time dey sank a song tickets to de hatesimer grocery man u: drens unt a vife by mine ’’ Nolan — Yes, yes, but Dolan — X tell you it _ _ _JSwWSSS __„ P „ _ __ _ vent down dey vass goin’ to drink some more. Unt all de drinks vass bought by an American millionaire, who vasn’t a Jew, honest, but you know it’s only on de stage, unt on de stage anypody can be a millionaire. . Ven Mishter Armstronk, de millionaire, couldn’t find nobody else to nuv drinks for he gafe all his money to a singer vet lost his voice unt told him to puy drinks *,,, i_ - -—. ‘' " lr —-. 1 -- 1 — *»-- 1 a -a-h voice ven he’s ouving ( t far wronk. 1 tell you it means sorus e, ven you vonce see dem, den you vouldn’t care vat vould ley smiled mit me, unt dots ven I visht I had sold de t haf fife dollars in mine pockets stead fon four chil- .. = _. _ voice back. You know anybody has a loud enough believe me. Nolan — But vass dot de only reason vy he gafe his money — Dolan — Veil, no. He had a crudge against agir’ ’ - - vouldn’t have a crudge against a fool vot don’t lik< — * chump to show his crudge by giving his money a- ., t„ —iian* t gif •" -- — 3 puying drinks, i hero! If dey did, he vouldn’t gif de money because 'she didn’t like money. Unt who money? Unt nopody but a stage hero vould innov otfflv xtc Hey didn’t have a Jew >r fon de play vould Nolan — But didn't nopody do noting but de millionaire? Dolan — Oh, yes. Vile de millionaire vass spending his money vass looking fer a man vass trying to make a lots of money mit like dot show pecaus’ eferypody had money or vanted to get it, uni uoi vass a fine, big, jolly, fat womans vot had a lots of money to spend hotel bills. She liked to shtep on everpodies toes, but I could’nt see didn’t brink no money. Nolan—But her salary, Mishter Dolan, her salary! Dolan — I didn’t tink of dot. So efen she vass loo tink in de whole show vat I don’t like a little bit. Nolan — Un vot vass dot? Dolan — Dey had a whole bunch of buyers from Siegel Cooper’ sveet girl mit a sour face vat lottery ticket. I tell you X ” I call life. Unt dere spent ” ^ money. But dere vass only von e Fair, Marshall Field, .unt Dolan — Because de buyers didn’t do no buying. Dey chust shtood around unt talked’ mit de men folks, unt flirted, but I didn’t see dem do no buying. Tell me, vats de use of buyers ven dey don’t do buying? It’s all right to sink aboud de Wedder man, fer de change in seasons has a lots to do mit merchandise, but vots de use of it all ven de buyers don’t buy? I can’t see de percentage in dot. In de whole tree hours dot de show vent, de buyers didn’t sell enuf goods fer vun round of drinks vot dot millionaire bought. In real life de buyers buy millionaires drinks, unt I guess dots half de reason vy dey call dem buyers. But on de stage de millionaire had to buy de buyers drinks. Nolan — Unt who else vass in de play? Dolan — There vass a pretty, dark girl vot sank fine songs unt talked nice, to make no money, so I chust listened to her songs unt den shtufted my ear - - i tell you dot rain storm she singed in-“— ■*— r foolishness. t de foolish buyers didn’t mofe a shtep t sell s but she didn’t vant ven she began to ravenette business, dot enuf to make [-Presidents he could holler louder after he ven he vass in office. Unt he lost his he lost a millionaire dollar voice. I vs Nolan — But who did de finest acting? Dolan — I tink it vass de ex-singer. Like som< lost de right to talk to de people in a business vay, voice mit a ball game. Fer a fifty cent seat, he lc»* „ -...- —- -- - you it made me cry ven he told about it. Dot vass no sqvare deal. Unt dey vuddent him his half-a-dollar back. Dots vat I call a outrage. Nolan — Vass de staging good? Dolan—Staging? Say, dey didn’t care a bit fer expenses. De cafe scene vass better den Rector’s on New Year’s eve. Unt de pretty pony girls danced like as if dey meant it. Nolan — Ven are you golnk to teater again? Dolan—Tonight. • Nolan—Vat are you golnk to see? Dolan — De same show. But, if you lofe me, don’t tell mine vife. I got six more passes unt sold ’em fer five dollars. Tonight ven I go, I go alone and I sit through de whole show unt don’t care a bit about de foolish buyers vat don’t buy, but, if you shtick around long enough Mishter Nolan, you’ll see me buy an Oyster stew for dot little dark complexioned girl ■- sorus vot seemed to smile on ‘ ■* 1 e den de rest. m =s„ In v., an aeroplane and .„J|i “*?• one of the stenog- $ P w S the general offices of her chain of theaters, said mat S he thought chorus-men th.. “"reliable at best and IseLFJl? would Joln the association as soon as she e-ot ner divorce which she is con- securing, despite the that her husband filed a cruelty! 11 charsin ® r Intense .ft* of the lady managers the j 2 " tt l e .? ssoclation - When its „ as ? ocia tion accomplishes its first purpose, it will not erase its activities; but will continue until flashlights of Dose. choruses 1" entrancing flnnni re declared unconstitu- ME- O’ GRAMS believe, particularly press no- If you can’t accomplish small things, take a try at the big ones for a change. On this principle lots of disappointed chorus boys have become stars and lots of stars have become managers. The most complicated appar¬ atus in the world is the human brain, and a glance at stage history will show that few pro¬ ducers believe in complicated machinery for stage pictures. When an artist draws a pic¬ ture of a chorus, he naturally draws a crowd. Believe in signs, particularly the signing of pay checks with your sweet name engraved in the vital part. Take your time and other people will take everything else worth while belonging to If that girl in your own company whom you think so much of likes one suit of clothes better on you than an¬ other, it portends wedding bells. But, if she criticizes the kind of collars you wear, ten to one she’s sweet on some fel¬ low who wears a different style of neck-binder, so beware! The road to “Star-dom” is a long and tedious one: the way down to oblivion is surprisingly They call them music r I know that the summer season is the time when dis¬ gusted “Hams” out of a job feel that they’ll have to re¬ sort to the lead-pipe treatment. But. if you do, take a few words of friendly advice: When you set out to rob a man, knock him down first and then gag him; when you set out to rob a woman, gag her first, and MY ROAD TO SUCCESS (Written for John Brandon Walsh by the editor of The Throbbing Throttle. So we say “By John Brandon Walsh.) I began life with a milk bottle, but intend to finish it with a beer bottle. That’s why I can see my finish every time I drink beer. I carried the hod before I peddled song manuscripts, so the latter more painful proceed¬ ing came rather easy to me. I read somewhere that Shap¬ iro was on the outlook for good songs, so I decided t~ ’ *-*—j and You.” He said h__ Irish song In his catalogue that was making a big hit, and didn't need any others. When he mentioned its title, I said it was undoubtedly a knock¬ out, as I heard the porters singing it on the Wabash, on my way to New York. I said I didn’t know if the porters on the 20th Century limited were also singing it, but concluded that they were, as the 20th Century is a much faster ti ' I next went to Jerome H. Reraick & Co. and informed them that I had a sentimental song in class with “In the Shade of the Old Apple Tree." Thev were interested and I little ditty entitled Him With a Snow- Dan.’ it was a consistent lit¬ tle hymn, as I stated that the snow ball entered the unfor¬ tunate suitor’s head and froze his brains and turned his hair snow-white. But they couldn’t Then I tried to unload a few darlings on The Music House of Laemmle. They said they would take the songs, publish them for nothing, and pay me by advertising them. I told them I didn’t want any adver¬ tising of that kind, for It would give my creditors’ col¬ lectors a splendid chance to lo¬ cate me; that they only had had the city directories for their guidance heretofore; that I’d prefer a couple of hundred in advance. Of course, I landed no songs with Laemmle. I’m getting along very nicely and quite satisfied with about a hundred dollars per week in¬ come for myself. I get that much milked each 'week and don't care who gets the rest. And I hope all the boys In the writing game get along nicely. “She" Hit i knock her down. AGAIN WE ASK Why did the Board of Al¬ dermen of Waukegan, Ill., change the name of the town to Flecklesville, Ill.? Can Charles Frohman read the plays he purchased in the original tongue? Why doesn’t some genius patent a compressed air tube through which H. Duce could pass to the Lyric from the prima donna and interfere with the prospects of one who seeks the position of stage carpen- Can a press agent have a Does virtue triumph over musical comedy? When Sam H. Harris tires of starring chorus girls, will he < force a few chorus boys into the limelight? LITTLE VERSES FOR YOUR PURSES THE DOOR MAN’S WOEFUL TALE. My daughter Is in vaudeville And she makes fifty per; She pays a hundred bones for I can’t ’ get much from her. My son’s a “play with music” He gets a thousand clear Each week, but then, you see, A half a week a year. My wife plays the fat woman A circus, but, you see She has to put her coin in tights. It's mighty hard on me. So, tho’ my fam’ly’s weekly Is mfllions, maybe more; I have to Bit, at this ripe age, A watch-dog at the door. THE SAME OLD STORY. (Anticipatory.) Pretty, pretty little play. Tied in ribbon neat; Bound to be a hit some day. Prove a real treat. (Retrospective.) Shabby, shabby little play. Underneath a trunk; Had to be burned up one day, With a heap of junk.