Actorviews (1923)

Record Details:

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Mr. Collier Under Oath 91 for it. I was afraid you’d forget that one. The answer to that question is ‘Collier.’ ” “Of all the funny little things of your own that you have uttered on and off the stage, Mr. Collier, which do you consider the funniest, the most successful from the viewpoint of a comedian?” “The ‘I’ve Something to Say to You’ scene that I first did at Weber and Fields’. That’s the funniest combination of words and knowledge I ever composed. It won’t be hard to write if you use ditto marks.” It wasn’t. This is Collier’s masterpiece just as it ran on the notes : Me : Mary, I’ve something to say to you. She: You’ve a u “ “ me? Me: Yes, I’ve ft a “ “ you. She: Something “ “ “ me? Me: u u “ “ you. She: To “ “ me? Me: <( “ “ you ! She: Say “ me? Me: “ “ you! She: To me? Me: “ you! She: Me? Me: You! But no type may tell you how funny he was uttering it — a duologue to himself, by himself, for himself. He chuckled when it was in the record. “That killed just four minutes,” he chuckled. “Would you like to have a list of the parts I’ve played during and since the seven years I was with Augustin Daly?” “This isn’t your obituary.” “I feel that way.” “What do you enjoy most when you go to the other fellow’s theater?”