Actorviews (1923)

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When Sophie Tucker Kissed a Critic HAND fell heavily on my arm, and for an instant — I know not why — I thought it was the hand of my competitor and my friend, Percy Hammond of the Chicago Tribune. But the blow was followed by a laugh of equal weight, and even ere I turned in the crowd I recognized the friendly thump and laugh as Sophie Tucker’s. “What have I ever done to you that I should come to this town and play twelve weeks and never see you, or hear from you, or not even get a ‘Hello, Sophie!’ in the paper?” Sophie wanted to know. “Nothing, Sophie; you’ve done nothing,” I tried to explain — “only, things are — hem! — different. I wear shell rims now and don’t go to vaudeville any more. My editor won’t let me.” “That must worry you a lot!” laughed Sophie Tucker. “I’ve been trying to get hold of you for weeks, to take you out to Edelweiss on a Wednesday Bohemian night and show you all the actors and — and my new stuff. You know, I’ve reformed.” “No!” “Honest to God ! I don’t shout any more. I’m all class now. You wouldn’t believe it’s me, the subtle way I put a song over.” “Sophie,” says I, “this is terrible. When can we . get together and talk it over — for the paper?”