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BEST BROADCASTS OF 1938-39
Warden. — I know all about fulminate of mercury. It’s what we use in detonating caps to explode dynamite. It’s a powerful explosive. But . . . it’s absolutely harmless unless a spark hits it, and how are you gonna create a spark in the middle of your stomach? Now tell me that.
Kosky. — Very simple, warden. There’s a tiny coil inside the cylinder that is held in place by a little rod. Now any harsh muscular movement will jolt that rod and imspring the coil . . . against a little contraption that works like a cigarette lighter.
Blathery. — {Of, panicky) Cigarette lighter! {Shrieks)
Voice. — {Of) Be a man, Blathery. We’re all in the same boat.
Warden. — I guess you expect us to believe the cigarette lighter gadget will create the spark to set off the explosive ... in the middle of your stomach . . . where there isn’t any air.
Kosky. — Oh, there’s air, all right. It’s a sealed cylinder, and there’s enough air inside to feed the spark. The watchmaker who made the cylinder for me tested it and it worked fine.
Warden. — I guess they teach watchmaking, too, at the University of Lodz.
Kosky. — I should say they do. That’s one of their best courses.
Warden. — And you swallowed that big cylinder containing the explosive and the coil and the rod and the little cigarette lighter all at once down your own throat. Ha! Tell me another.
Kosky. — Well, it wasn’t very big. Not for me, anyway, because over at the University of Lodz we don’t play baseball or football or anything like that, but we do have a lot of fim practicing sword swallowing. Anyway, I doused the cylinder in a lot of butter and it went down quite easily.
Guard. — Holy Smokes! That’s right! He did use a lot of butter. All he ordered for lunch was bread and butter, and I brought it to him. Only he didn’t eat any of the bread.
Kosky. — Come here, warden. Why, you can feel it. Here. . . . Feel. . . .
Blathery. — {Of, shrilly) Let me out of here !