The billboard (July-Dec 1898)

rli M f J6 V WITTY BLUNDERER ME WAS VALET TO iJNCOLN AND AD- MIRAL COLDSBORCUGH. : One Occasion When His Idiotic Ban. ellns Searly Got Him In Trouble With Admiral Dewey, Who "Was Then a Lientemtnt Commander. W. W. Stone, who was ship's writer on , board the cruiser Colorado when Dewey : and Watson were lieutenant commanders ; on that vessel, cau tell many stories about those tVo celebrities. Admiral Goldsbor- : ough was in command of the Colorado. '- His valet, John, who at one time was ; President Lincoln's servant, was a witty - trot bunglinp Irishman. Stone's best story centers around this quaint character. One morning Admiral Goldsborough sent down woid to John that he wanted . bis glass, meaning, ofcourse, his spyglass. John, as usual, however, misunderstood, and came tramping up the bridge with a goblet in bis band. "John, you're "the devil's own valet," growled the admiral "when be saw him coming. "Faith, sor, I didn't think I'd come to that same whin I tub service wid ye, sor." "Throw that blamed goblet overboard and go and get me my spyglass, as I told you, you infernal idiot!" "Yes, sor," said John, calmly tossing the glass over the side, and in doing so narrowly escaped dashing it upon the up- turned face of our executive officer, Lieu- tenant Commander George Dewey. Mr. Dewey was on a tour of inspection, cir- cling the frigate in one of the cutters. The Colorado had just arrived from Triest. The passage down the Adriatic sea had been a stormy one, and the painstaking executive officer of the vessel wanted to see for himself how the old ship looked after her battle with the waves. It was a lovely spring Sunday morning. We had dropped anchor in the beautiful bay of Naples, and I had crept up into the mizzentop to drink in with boyish zest the delights of our glorious surroundings. Off our beams lay Iscbia and Capri, standing like stern Roman sentinels on guard, at the horns of the bay. Ahead lay the Campanila. From its center rises old Vesuvius, from whose- grim apex I could see floating upward a hazy wreath, signi- ficant of the unrest beneath. I watched the old admiral with a great deal of inter- est. Had I been a kodak fiend I should then and there have forfeited my appoint- ment by taking a snap shot at the irate officer as he glared at the sleek, uncon- cerned menial. "Go below, you blundering Irishman, before I have you tossed over after the glass." The man disappeared, with just the suspicion of a smirk on his innocent k looking face. "Mr. Dewey would like to have you And 'out, sir, who is heaving crockery over the side of the ship, sir." This came from one of the crew of the cutter. He had come up with the order and speke to Lieu- tenant Commander John Crittenden 'Wat- son, at the time officer of the deck. The admiral overheard the message of the angry executive and laughed quietly. . "Tell Mr. Dewey that it was the ad- miral, my man," said he soberly; then, turning to Mr. Watson he remarked, "He can't very well put the admiral in the brig, though I may deserve it." ; '"He may look around for a substitute, admiral," answered Mr. Watson, smiling. 'Oh, no; Dewey has too keen a sense of justice. Besides, I remember him saying once that he had no use for substitutes.'" A few moments after this Mr. Dewey himself came over the starboard gangway, salntingthe admiral with rather a haughty air. Yon see, a 10 pounder may spin mer- rily past a fellow's head aboard a man-o'- war and serve merely as a hook on which to hang the old time jest about a "miss being as good as a mile,", but. when a plain matter of fact, plebeian tumbler shoots past you, contrary to the articles of war and in direct violation of established naval etiquette, the circumstance that you have escaped mutilation is only an excrescence alongside of the glaring faet that your dignity has been very violently assaulted. . The admiral looked down and took in the situation. Descending. to the quarter deck,.he approached Dewey and said with a friendly air, "I'.say, Dewey, did you ever read ' Handy Andy?'" THE BILLBOARD "Yes, sir," rather shortly. "Well, now, I must have his cousin aboard." And the admiral related the glass incident. The two laughed over the blunder, Mr. Dewey having recovered his usual good nature ty this time. *• Ycu see, Dewey, I have a sort of inter- est in the fellow. The secretary recom- mended him to me as a good, faithful serving man. He had been attached to Mr. Lincoln as his personal attendant, and I took the scamp partly on that ac- count. Ah, hero he comes at last with my glass! John, did Mr. Lincoln evor score you for your awkwardness?" "So, sor, he niver did. Many the time be tould me that it wor a mercy that we were thegither, because, said he, his mind wor taken off affairs of state by thinkin did he wurruk harder tellin me how to do things than if he wint and did them him- self." "Doubtless, doubtless," said the ad- miral, laughing. "I want you to remember, John," said Mr. Dewey severely, "that it is strictly against the rules of this ship to throw anything over the sides. You came very near striking me in the head with your glass tossing." "That wor a pity, sor." "A pity!" exclaimed Dewey savagely. "By Jim, I'd have come up and had you strung up at the mainyard arm like a dog." "No, sor, axin yer pardon, I hope not." "What's that?" roared the admiral an- grily. "Throth, sor, d'ye mind the mornin tellin me that yo wor to do the thinkin an I wor to obey orders, even if I bruk own- ers?" Tho two laughed heartily at this hit. and John went below with flying colors.' —San Francisco Examiner. BISMARCK'S HUMOR. It Wan Rollicking; and ABsrre.iHive and Didn't Even Spare Himself. Bismarck's humor was entirely of the German stamp, says Professor Kuno Francke in Tho Atlantic. It was boister- ous, rollicking, aggressive, unsparing—of himself as little as of others—cynic, im- moderate, but never without a touch of good nature. His satire was often crush- ing, never venomous. His wit was racy and exubevant, never equivocal. Whether ho describes his vis-a-vis at a hotel table his excellency So-and-so, as "one of those figures which appear to ono when one has the nightmare—a fat frog without legs, who opens his mouth as wido as his shoulders, like a carpetbag, for each bit, so that I am obliged to hold tight on by the table from giddiness;" whether he characterizes his colleagues at the Frankfort Bundestag as "mere carica- tures of periwig diplomatists, who at once put on their official visage if I merely beg of them a light to my cigar and who study their words and looks with Regensburg care when they ask for the key of the lav- atory;" whether he sums up his impres- sion of the excited, emotional manner in which Jules Favre pleaded with him for the peace terms in these words: "He evi- dently took mo for a public meeting;" whether he declined to look at the statuo erected to him at Cologne, because "he didn't care to see himself fossilized;" whether he spoke of the unprecedented popular ovations given to him at his final departure from Berlin as a "first class fu- neral"—there is always the same childlike directness, the same naive impulsiveness, the same bantering earnestness, the same sublime contempt for sham and hypocrisy. Calcined seed pearls are considered a medicine of great potency by the Chinese, and beautiful art work in mother of pearl has long been executed both in China and Japan. In the Philippines windows are ■made of mother of pearl, and in Cashmere it is used for. inlaying inscriptions, on tombstones. Foir&ier Than London. Esquimalt is the only place in tho Brit- ish empire, according to a recent climato- logical report, that exceeds London in cloudiness. Esquimau is also the dampest place in the empire, while Adelaide, in Australia, is the driest. Ceylon is the hottest and northwest Canada the coldest possession that the flag of England floats over. The Great La Pearl Shows Closed the greatest and most pros- perous season in its existence, at Sikeston, Mo., Oct. 29th, and is now in winter quarters at Danville, Ills. WANTED For the Season of 1899, Two good Boss billposters, one ad- vertising agent, thirty experienced billposters, six experienced pro- gramme distributors, and six ex- perienced men to hang lithographs and banners. Address, J. II. LA PEARL, DANVILLE, ILLS. A new Eight sheet Christinas poster by Donalcjspn. ft is called No. 2204. THE BILLBOARD 17 mmmB/LL NORTHWESTERN BILJLPOSTING CO. PORTLAND, ORE. JOHN T. WILLIAMS And you bill the whole Northwest. Send your paper to the NORTHWESTERN BLLLPOSTING CO. H. F. TODD, Asst. Manager. Secretary and General Manager. S#Mff ices 346 Morrison St. Bill Posters' Paste Brushes. The most practical Brush made. Copper wired and protected corners. Improved Light Weight Block. VERY STRONG, WITH SAFETY SCREWS. GR/*"V RUSSIAN BRISTLES. Quaker City, 9-inch, $24.00 per dozen, $2.50 each. Excelsior, 9-inch, $30.00 per dozen, $3.00 each. Extra Extra, 9-inch, for circus use, $39.00 per dozen, $3.75 each. BLACK. CHINA BRISTLES. No. 1, Royal, 9-inch, $21.00 per dozen, $2.25 each. No. 2, Royal, 9-inch, $27 90 per dozen, $2.50 each. No. 3, Royal, 9-inch, $30.00 per dozen, $3.00 each. S-foot Curved Handles, 50 cents each. ELDER & JEINICS* Brush makers, 127 North 5th St., Philadelphia, Pa., U. S. A. PRESS CLIPPINGS I are valuable to the editors of class and trade jour- nals, to professional men, to students of science or history, and to every one who wants a collection of thoughts or facts on any subject. We're rather proud of the fact that our ser- vice is so complete and satisfac- tory that our circle of subscribers to our press clippings steadily widens. May we add you to the list? NEW ENGLAND NEWSPAPER BUREAU, 146 Franklin Street, Boston, Mass. DUBUQUE,lOWirigSgSS ARTHUR LEONARC. Manager. 17s W. Locust St. Sampling. DistriMtiag. Sign TacWag. Honest service jjuarantee<l. Member I. A. of D. Ref- eience. Dr. T. W. Ruetc, druggist. 650 Main St. I added two new firms to my list of patrons last month, but I can attend to a few more still. -r YOU want your matter distributed in the right way in CINCINNATI, Better write me about it. I do the best dis- tributing that is done in this city. I know I do because I watch my men closely, and I watch other peoples' men just as closely. I can refer you to a number of big ad- • vertisers who found it profitable to pay me a higher price than any other distributor in Cincinnati asks. Address, W. H. STEINBRENNER, 519 Main Street, CINCINNATI, O. \t l Deals in all kinds of aj A ALLEN'S ? NEWSPAPER Jv L ™„„!T" > INFORMATION. J m PRESS I Advance reports on ■! V at IDD3M12 \ "" contract work, y m WUHrKilWto 1 Main office. 510 Mont- <• 5 BUREAU • \ Komery street. "/ ft / SAN FRANCISCO. <j ti>' Bill Poster The English counterpart of The Billboard. Subscription 50 cents per year, post free; may be sent to 127 East Eighth St., Cincinnati, O. When yon Distribute OMAHA, NEB. Try Fischer's Distributing; Agency • f (15 years' experience.) 43*9 DECATUR ST. Bill Posters-Distributors saotiu own ami * WAGONORCART Ton ca& g*t a vaxoa built by a vWaca blacksmith, aad doutxiaaa. too. you ooold git a nddlar to mak* jog a pair of •hot*, bat wamt .. the* dm whan you eaa p&tbavto maka a apaotaltr of tha vary thine job. want Wa oan «»• yon a battar vehicle Tor half tha priea yon will pay at " * Bill Posters* Push e Cmirorwaniswaad slionnMntitriHn TM>tf.k«tcinn| mm urn w iW Mil ini-n <* ■MkK.mnii I- Ufiin ampriinn, otatlotfcnvehicln. H l»« yl pprt —m Kssaesss 88 $24*50 each.. aWma» d»n» lor flm'MK mrm aaaroaUwai Bill Posters' Porjy Qart. UBfctaroMaB4cJanMe. TWtxMrftJ*boawlto *^J*™. MC,aad>itariBatH|iUU)<Ktl>t'nuiUM7 NttoRnHblTOt. II ffr A M f~/-k Bill Posters* Wagons. VtautuniliitaMlifilUntirtT. We fc»* tk*m vati. statu mm* wttfc polta, •till a«d aHUswt tops, u tact la r^trj a*yfr iaugiuWa. Tmm\ at aaa in mmtrnt it) (km A^$90.0C>T~~B—$100.00. C—130.00. ~~JOHN H. MICHAEL, ■aaafarlarar KB *Mlm' ftkleln. 225.227,229 East 8th Si, CINCINNATI. O. Wa hara jaat completed a now distributor* wacoa. It ia a marvel of eoBTaniaaoa aad utility. Photos ftee to tntand- tng ] *"~ drop a nickel m Sense m an envelope addressed The Ad Sense Company No. 160 Washington Street Chicago and get a Sample Copy - of a Journal of Advertising and Business Methods a Happy Com ~ bination of Sense and Good Printing midland advertising co., | Bill Posting and Circus Paste Brush. JOSEPH REID. Manager. '■ ** LICENSED DISTRIBUTORS, Members I. A. of D. 617 Grand Aie., KANSAS CITY, MO. MEMPHIS, TENN. VAN BEUREN & CO.. Bill Posters and ulstrPwtors. 43 GAY0S0 St ROBERT H. COBLINS, Distributor, tt 310 Middle Street. NEW BEDFORD. MASS. FRANK LITTLE & SON, Bill Poster and Distributor. PORTLAND, MICH. Pop. 2,000 The Extra Mikado Brush is the best made; constructed of ALL Pure Black" China Bristles imported by us for the purpose, and especially pre- pared under a formula known onlv to ourselves. We guarantee that our CHl'NA BRISTLES are more elastic and more durable than any other: consequently our MIKADO Brush will wear longer AND DO BETTER WORK than anv other brush made. ALL OUR MIKADOS ARE GUARANTEED. They are copper wired, with heavy metal edge protectors and are great paste holders. Used by Barnuui, Korepaugh anil other leading shows, and highly recom- mended by Mr. R. C. Campbell, Chicago. Seud the price and get a sample nil 9 Inches Wide. No. 10, 4-0. .5H in. long. fcS.oo per doz... $ 2.50 each. No. 10, 3-0. .5,'s in. long $23-50 per doz... $2.25 each. No. 10, 6-0. .5% in. long, heavy ^32-50 per doz.... J3.25 each. No. io, 7-0. .5% in. long, ex. heavy $34.00 per doz $3.50 each. No. 10, 9-0. .5^ in. long, ex. ex. heavy. ..|L}2.oo per doz $4.00 each. RENNOUS, KLEINLE & CO.,Sole Manufacturers, Baltimore.Md. AT HOME PERSONALLY OONDUOTING MY BUSINESS. Billboards full of commercial paper; compelled to increase capacity to meet demand for space. Advertisers renew and double their allowance after a trial posting. Why ? Good city, good service, fair dealing. Try Me. @has. Bernard, City Billposter, Box 92, Savannah, 6a. AB.P.A.