Boy's Cinema (1930-31)

And if you tliink you can live on love, try to pay the grocer with a kiss I" Wendell by this time had reached the sill of the b.irh-roorn window and was. elanibering over it. "He has a lot of sensible ideas," declared Betty. " He says that, with priulence, two can live as cheaply as one." '"Why doesn't he marry Prudence?" mqiiired Aura Minnie tartly. "Oh, auntie, please be nice to him— just for to-d;iy." Wendell, who was now standing behind the half-open bath-room door, heard that plea and smiled at the roses. What a darii.'ig Betty was, he reflected lovingly. "As long a.s I have my strength," cried Aunt Minnie, "he'll never get in here! I'm sick and tired of sliooing that insect oH' the premises !" Having deposited the frock in the trunk she rose with clenched fists. "If he comes here again," she went on vehemently, "he's likely to get his throat caught between my fingers." Wendell stepped back from the half- open door on to the little marble plat- form, behind curtains, where one ordi- narily retreated to indulge in a shower- bath. The chain which worked the con- trivance was hanging beside liim. Ho was concealed from view, but he could .'■(ill hear everything tliat was said. "Oh, auntie,"' protested Betty, "why are you so cold ?" "I'm not cold!" snapped Aunt Minnie. " I'm hot! I'm burning up! You shouldn't mention his' name to me! I'm going to take a shower!" Betty was fully dressed in a dainty frock of figured silk, but her aunt was wearing a wrap over an astonishing suit of pyjamas. She stalked from the draw- ing-room into her bed-room and out of her bed-room into the bath-room. "Wendell Graham!" she snorted as .vhe went. "A total loss!" Soaked ! SHE closed the bath-room window and fastened it. She took a syringe from a glass shelf, opened her mouth, and .'^prayed her throat with an antiseptic lotion, as though washing away from her tonsils and her larynx the contamination of tlie name she had just uttered. "That little sap!" she hissed, and sprayed again. Betty looked in at her from the door- way leading to the hall. "If he gets in hero again," said her aunt, inhaling and exhaling, "to—pro- pose to you—refer him—to me." "Oh, but it's me he wants to marry!" laughed Betty, "Why do you dislike him so ?" " Why shouldn't I ? He's a wealthy idler, who produces nothing, achieves nothing, and means nothing. He has a hundred thousand dollars—and isn't worth a cent I" She put down the syringe and snapped liei' fingers. "Oh, but Wendell is a deep thinker," persisted Betty. "He told me so. He's going to leave footprints on tlie .sands of time." " He's a lot more likely to leave finger- prints!" scoffed lier aunt, shedding her A\ lap. Betty pouted, and Betty looked per- fcc^tly adorable when she pouted. Wen- dell, imprisoned behind tile curtains of (he shower-bath, could see her with one eye, and aj)preciated (he fact. Her aunt, who could sec her with both eyes, relented slightly, stepped forward, and took her into her arms. "Oh, can't you get it through your filly little IieatI that I love you, too?" she exclaimed, r.nd kissed her. September 12tli, 1931. BOY'S CINEMA "Where's my cap?" she wondered, looking about (ho room. The cap—a waterproof contrivance devised to protect its wearer's haii- against the water from the shower—was hanging on a peg quite close to Wen- dell's face. He took it down and drop))ed it neatly through the tiny gap between the curtains clean into Aunt Minnie van Ardcn's hand. She stared at it, but imagined that Betty bad tossed it to her on her way out from the bathrroom. She pulled the cap over her head, plunged a hand tlirough the curtains, and pulled vigor- ously at the chain. A stream of water descended upon Wendell's head, soaking liim to the skin. Ho held up the roses, but they provided only a negligible protection. "In my opinion," shouted Aunt Minnie to Betty, who had gone back to the cabin trunk, "he's all wet! Put him out of your mind—forget him ! The next time I see him I shall ignore him completely. Oh, what's that?" The .sound of a crash had reached her cars, and she ran into the drawing- room. Betty had dropped a bottle of scent, which had spilled its contents all over the carpet, and when her aunt appeared she was mopping up a per- fumed jjool «ith a towol. "Oh, good heavens, the carpet! Here, give me that!" And Aunt Minnie snatched away the towel and went down on her knees. " They'll probably make us pay for this." Wendell crept out from the shower, and peeped round the drawing-room doorway. "Wendell!" cried Betty involuntarily, and immediately Aunt Minnie scrambled to her feet. She. was about to blaze at the intruder when ehe became aware ot his saturated condition. "Is it raining?" she exclaimed. "No," replied Wendell facetiously. "1 perspire so freely." "Stop dripping on my caipet!" On a little desk beside him there was a blotting-pad. He deposited it on the carpet and stood upon it. "Get off!" ehouted Aunt Minnie angrily. Wendell stepped oflF the blotting-pad and eank into a chair. "Get up!" Wendell got up, and Aunt Minnie, restoring (he blotting-pad to the desk, pointed imperiously to the front door. "Get out!" Wendell retreated into the hall, and she followed him; but the sound of run- ning water .sent her scurrying into the bath-room. She dashed clean into the shower in order to turn off the water, and Wendell promptly darted back to the drawing-room doorway. "1 brought these for you," he said to Betty, holding out the dripping bunch of roses. "I've been crying on them because you're going away." "Oh, thanks, Wendell!" said Betty, taking the flowers and smelling them appreciatively. "I do hate to leave you." "Where are you going?" he inquired. "Abroad." "Yes, but what part of abroad?" "The answer," boomed the voice of ."Vunt Minnie close behind him, "is non- essential." "Is that far?" asked Wendell, facing lier almost boldly. "Just far enough to escape pests like you! Now wriggle, you worm!" "Oh, but auntie," began Betty, "he's "Yes, auntie," began Wendell, "I'm "Don't speak when I'm interrupting!" Aunt Alinnie snatched the bunch ot roses Every Tuesday from her niece's hands and thrust the: : into Wendell's. "How dare you brea'' into this apaitmcrlt?" Wendell observed that Betty's aun was very wet, if not quite so wet as h_ was. "You're dripping ou your carpet!" he informed her. "Imbecile! Don't you realise that Betty is too healthy to catch a germ liko you ? Don't stand there acting like a fool!" "I'm not acting!" protested Wendell. "I just came to .say good-bye!" "You've said it^now get out! We'll have nothing to do with one of your ilk."- "I'm not an elk! You think that 1 can't make good, don't you ? Well, I'll ehow you! I've already advertised in the papers for an opportunity to invest my money. Mark these words, and mark them well—I'll make my mark— I'li come through with a crash!" He waved his arms dramatically as he spoke, and one of them came into violent contact with a vase on a slender table near the door. The vase was emafihed to atoms, and Aunt Minnie straightway bundled him out into the hall, and opened the front door. "Get—get " she spluttered. Wendell stepped meekly forth into the corridor, and the door was slammed behind him. The Winning of a Crown. NEXT morning Wendell, having bathed and breakfasted, was sit- ting at an ornate table in the lounge of his own elaborate apartment at the other end of Park Avenue when hie manservant announced that two gen- tlemen had called to see him in answer to his advertisement. Wendell, who was wearing a decora- tive dressing-gown, fastened the cord around his waist and told the man- servant to show the callers into his preji- ence. They came—two obvious foreigners, but of distinguished appearance, smartly dressed in morning clothes with white waistcoats. One of them was carrying a large portfolio under his arm. They bowed before him, and, at his request, seated themselves. It transpii-ed that the name of one was Boris Andrieff, the name of the other Ricardo Valdez. "We have read with great pleasiire your advertisement in the papers," ex- plained Boris, caressing hie tiny black moustache. "Yes," said Wendell. "Pretty good, wasn't it? I wrote it myself." Boris and Ricardo bowed politely. Boris said, with a smile: "We have for sale a revolution in the beautiful country of El Dorania." "Eh?" exclaimed Wendell in aston- ishment. "El Dorania? A revolution ?" They nodded, for all the world as though both were actuated by a single eprin;;. . Wendell rubbed his chin, re- cently shaved, and stared at them. "I want to produce something," he said. " Achieve something! Mean some- thing!" He rose to his feet to make his words really impressive, and they rose with him. "A revolution! El Dorania ! Tell me, if I bought this revo- lution, would it distinguish me?" Boris looked at Ricardo, and Ricardo looked at Boris. Boris, who spoke English well enough, but with a decided accent, gestured and replied: " That's just what it would do. You will depose the present monarch. King j Oscar. Then you will automatically become king!" King! A wonderful word! An in-1 credible proposition! "You mean," gasped Wendell, "that]