Boy's Cinema (1930-31)

10 Aunt MiiiDJo's affairs couM wait, but this question of kingship was urgent. It had been reported to tlie baron that " Zup and Wendell had lunched together in perfect amity, and a close inspection of the remarkable table in the War Oflfjce had revealed only too plainly the fact that no battle had as yet been fought. To deal with the situation the baron iiad repaired to the council chamber of the palace, whither he had summoned his two trusted agents, Boris and Ricardo. "Our duty is clear," he decided after considerable discussion with thcni. " Wc must assassinate King Zap! He has provided the country with nothing but ids own preposterous self, and he won Ihe crown from King Oscar with a mere fortuitous throw of dice." "Let us draw straws," suggested Boris, "to sec who shall have the honour of eradicating Ir'ni." The baron laughed api^rovingly. "'Tis a good idea," he said, "but Ave must not be .'clfifh. We must let King Wendell have a chance at the drawing. I'll go and get him." He picked up his military hat, jabbed it on his head, and went out. Boris grinned at Ricardo, and Ricardo rnovcd across the chamber to a desk, hom a drawer of which he took four •tvaws of equal length. Solemnly he broke pieces off three of them, so that their lengths varied. A clock en a marble mantelpiece ticked away several minutes, and then the door opened, and tlie baron led Wendell into the room and up to the table, beside which Boris and Ricardo were patiently standing. "The grand drawing," boomed the baron, "will now take place, and King Wendell with participate." Wendell was puzzled, but not dis- pleased. "You k)>o\v," he cried, "I've never won anytliing in my whole life, though once I almost won a turkey—in Brook- lyn." "This time you may win something," the baron declared. " The straws, Boris !" Boris presented the straws, only their ends projecting from his closed hand. "Tlie short straw will win," explained the baron. " Draw !" Wendell drew a straw, the baron drew a straw, Ricardo drew a straw, and the fourth was J«ft in Boris' hand. They lield them out, comparing lengths. "I win!" fxultcd Wendell. "I win! I-ookl Don't I win?" Ho laughed 'oudly. Undoubtedly his was by far the short- est straw. The others nodded solemnly. "That's the first time I ever won!" cried Wendell. "Your Majesty is a very lucky fellow," said the baron. "I certainly am. But what do I win ? Wliat do I " He broke off, to stare aghast at a Urge and formidable six-shooter which Rioaido was offering him by its barrel. ';B-but I—I cant carry this," he o^dlaimcd. "I haven't got a licence." '.'You don't need a licence," said the baron cheerfully. "You're the king." "Yes, but I—I haven't any use for a gun." > "You haven't? Then liow do you expect to kill King Zup?" "K-kill />up?" faltered Wendell. " But I don't expect to kill him ! He's a («! of mine." Ho backed nervously towards the door, leaving the weapon still in Ricardo's hand, but Ricardo reversed it and pulled the trigger just as Wen- «l«'ll was opcnini; tlie door. A shot rang ecptember 12lh. 1931. BOY'S CINEMA out alarmingly, and a large vase fell in fragments from its pedestal just besido him. Wendell shivered with fear. "Were you t-tryiiig to attract my at-t-tcntion ?" he stammered. "I forgot to tell you," said the baron, siKifcliing the gun from Ricardo and striding with it towards the terrified young man, "that if you refuse to kill King Zup I'll be glad to do it, but I shall have to kill you first! It's an old El Doraijian custom." The gun pointed, a finger was on its trigger. " W-well, now you see, baron—er—I never did care mucli about traditions," shivered Wendell, "so we'll just let this one go by, ch ? I'll be seeing you ajjain." "Stop!" roared the baron. "Where is your heart?" "Betty has it._ I—I " "Come here !" Wendell tottered towards the mighty baron, shaking in every limb. "It—it isn't really necessary to shoot me, baron," he said hoarsely. "I— I'm leaving here on the first." " The first of what ?"' "The first chance I get." "Will you stand still?" barked the baron. "You—you're getting serfous about it, aren't you? I w-was only just kidding." He essayed a fee'ole laugh. "J-just tell me who you want me to shoot, and— and the why, and the when, and the w-where." The baron lowered the gun. "The why," he said sternly, "is be- cause he is an insurgent and he threatens your throne. The where is at dinner, and the when is to-day." Ho thrust the weapon into Wendell's quivering right hand and bundled him out of the room. Aunt Minnie and Betty by this time had left the palace and returned to their hotel. Wendell, in a state of mind that baffles description, retired to his own royal apartments. Fortun- ately—or otherwise—there was not very long to wait for dinner. Zup had been out for a drive with the golden-haired Carlotta during the afternoon, trying' to believe that he was still a nionarchj and trying not to dis- like Wendell |pr butting in. But the populace had shown no great enthu- siasm in the streets, and even Carlotta had seemed less demonstrative than usual. On returning to the palace he amuse.l himself by making further investiga- tions into the royal wardrobe. He dis- covered a kilted uniform he had not as yet worn. It had fitted the ex-King Oscar when that fugitive monarch had creiited the Scottish El Doranian Guards and appointed himself their commander-in-chief—and dressed all four of them in somewhat similar garb, and Zup found that it fitted him none too badly. He decided to wear it for dinner. Behold him, therefore, seated at table in the vast banqueting chamber close beside Wendell, and wearing four decorations on his tunic which meant nothing to him except added ornament. "A cordial welcome," said Wendell, hiding the big six-shooter beneath his serviette. "And a welcome cordial," quoth Zup, helping himself to a glass of wine. "Waiter!" One of four gorgeous flunkeys approached his chair. "How about my Majesty having the table of contents?" asked Zup. "There's no menu," Wendell informed Every Tuesday him, "but you can have anything yoj wish.". "Thanks," said Zup, and ordered some lobster, which was brought. Tho meal progressed and was nearly over when the gun fell from between Wendell's knees to the gorgeous carpet. He picked it up in haste and rammed it into the breast-pocket of hia coat, but Zup had seen, and Zup, consider- ably surprised, inquired : "What are you toting that revolver around for?" "Well, you see," said Wendell un- happily, "I—I've got to shoot a fellow." "Hiihl Is that all?" said Zup airily. "What's the best way to go about it?' "Well, if you want to shoot a man and have him really enjoy it, always give him a good square meal first." "That's just the system I'm following right now." "Eh?" cried Zup, sitting bolt upright in his chair. "'What was that last crack you made 1" "I said that's just what I'm doing— I'm giving you the best meal I can." "Are you sitting there trying to tell me that you're going to put me on the spot ?" howled Zup incredulously. "Gee, pal, but I hate to do it," lamented Wendell, drawing the gua from his jjocket. " But if I don't shoot yxiu, I'll be shot." "So you think more of yourself than you do of me, eh ? I always knew you were conceited." "Well, you'd be assassinated, any- way," Weudel'l assured him. "Aid! I've got to live for Betty." ,i He rose to his feet with the gun i*i his liand, and he pushed back his chair. Zup looked down with distaste at his plate and rose, too, absent-mindedly thrusting a cigar between his lips. "Boy," he said, patting Wendell afifectionately on the shoulder, "you're in a jam! You know, I'm not so hungry as I thought I was!" "No," groaned Wendell. "And I never thought I was iuingrv. Stand still!" He jabbed the barrel of the gun against a golden star on Zup's breast, over his heart, and he averted his face and held up his left hand to screen it. Zup put his fingers in his ears, declar- ing tremulously that he never had liked the sound of firearms. A nerveless finger trembled against the trigger but could not pull. Zup removed his fingers from his ears, pushed aside the gun, and caught Wendell by the arm. "Boy, you are in a jam!" he ex- claimed. "Let's take the air, and may- be we can figure a way out of this." They went out from the banquetkig chamber together, arm in arm, but their state of mind was such that instead of making their way into the grounds they descended the wrong flight of stairs, pushed open a door and found them- selves above stone steps leading down into the royal cellar. They blundered down into semi-dark- ness and stood blinking at one another. Then: "Say, wliat is this?" exclaimed Wendell. "A brewery?" There were shelves on two of the walls—shelves loaded with baskets and bottles; there were bottles in bins; Uiere were at least a dozen barrels on wooden stands, some large, some small, all fitted with taps. On the flagstoned floor stood a rough table and several stools. "This is one of our six best cellars, my boy," declared Zup, recognising the