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Benny Gill: Hear about the guy who hoarded his sugar? She got tired of it and went out with somebody else.
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MRS. McNEILL'S SONG
(To the tune of “My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean”)
My baby lies over the bathtub,
My baby is splashing like mad,
Then comes formulas, bottles and strained foods And cod liver oil for the lad.
Splash, baths, bottles and formulas, too, every day, I say — With dishes, dust pans and telephones ringing away.
My body lies over the dish pan —
Must wash dishes three times a day,
And dust floors, and mop up the kitchen,
Cause we all know, grime does not pay.
Dishes, dust pan, floor mop, wash pail each day, I say — Dishes, dust pan, floor mop and wash pail each day.
My telephone rings all the morning The front and back doorbells ring, too,
It makes such a lovely diversion
When you’ve nothing but housework to do.
Dishes, doorbells, telephones ringing each day, I say — Front door, back door, I’m coming, get out of my way.
Then Don comes home tired from broadcasting His Breakfast Club — and wipes of! his feet.
Says, “I knew you had nothing to do, dear,
So I brought home three fellows to eat.”
Why, Don’s job is simple, and if I could change places with him, why, say —
I’d leave home and children—
Wait a minute— what am I saying — how in the world would Don know what to do when Tommy or Donny wanted to find something, or when the gas man came, or what food to order, or how to clean the house, or if the baby needed— no, sir! . . . I’m crazy about my family and home and I’ll stay where I am and love it!
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ELMER