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I see it was more a love of part-singing than of the church — and I prayed hard at every opportunity. I firmly believed that I should in consequence receive tremendous help in the next world — which is still problematical — and a great deal of assistance in this, which I didn't get. I really needed help at that time and none was forthcoming. My faith fizzled out and I dropped it, deciding that the whole question was beyond my mental powers.
For among all the people I have read of there are hundreds of entirely different religions and all completely convinced that itself is the only true one. If all are wrong in the sight of the others it seems to me to be possible that all are wrong. But I am certainly not an atheist. I am, I suppose, an agnostic in what I take to be the true meaning of the word — one who simply does not know. I am unable to visualise a personal God, listening individually to the prayers of the millions of creatures struggling on this scrap of dirt called Earth. But that means nothing except the limitation of my own intellect — just as I cannot believe that time goes on for ever or that it comes to an end, for in that case what happens afterwards?
My own spiritual need is only by some means to be able to express my gratitude. I have altogether failed in the writing of this book if I have not made it clear that my life on the whole has been a happy and satisfying one. I have had my ups and downs of course, but the ups have been greater than the downs. From the beginning I have had fun all through. Nearly everything I have done or touched has been something of a 'lark.' If I die tomorrow I shall have to admit that I have had a square deal and more than a square deal; I certainly have not been cheated. But this tardy acknowledgment is not sufficient. I have to say 'thank you' to someone.
Now I certainly believe in a power, a spirit, a something responsible for all the marvels of the universe, marvels beggaring all description which surely cannot have happened by chance. But you cannot offer thanks to an abstraction, or at least I cannot. That is much too difficult. There has to be some 'name' to whom thanks can be addressed. So I am obliged to fall back upon the simple formula I learned at my mother's knee. And while I am expressing my gratitude — counting my blessings is what it really comes to — I feel I may as well voice my 'lively sense of favours to come' and put up a prayer for some of the little things I need.
It is curious to note that these simple requests are very often
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