Canadian Film Weekly (Dec 24, 1958)

——_——_—= P Twice-Told Tales ? 5. Ky TRAMP TO another sharing a park bench with him: “I heard about a guy the other day who hasn’t worked in 30 years.” The other, wearily: “Please! Let’s not talk shop” . .. When Sydney Newman left CBC here to head up drama at ABC in Britain Robert Clark of that company is said to have thrown him this curve at the first meeting with the brass: “If we opened a TV station in Southern Ontario how would we make a million dollars?” If Sydney knew how to make a million dollars in Southern Ontario why would he go to Britain? .. . Unheard-of humans: Whistler’s Father, Mrs. Moto and Laura’s mate, Mr. Secord . Fellow was telling me about his likker-lovin’ Uncle Ed, who drowned in a vat of the stuff. “It took the undertaker three days to wipe the smile off his face,” he said . . . Tabloid reporter’s entrance into a nightclub was noted by a man who was with a lady not his wife. “I don’t care what he writes about me,” the playboy said, “so long as he spells my name wrong.” a LOST FOR many hours in the country, the travelling salesman, hungry and utterly exhausted, came to a farmer’s door. He mustered enough strength to knock, sank to the floor and pleaded for help. “‘I’ll be glad to give you food and a place to sleep,” said the farmer, “but I feel it fair to tell you one thing: I don’t have a daughter.” With a great effort the salesman dragged himself to his feet and gasped: “Which way is the next farm?” FLATTERING headwaiter at a local nightclub nearly broke up a home when he looked at the lady with a customer and said: ‘‘Trust you, Mr. Jones, to bring the prettiest girls” . . . Martin Simpson, whose Downtown Theatre plays more Westerns than most theatres: ‘“‘The same guy writes "em all” ... W. C. Fields’ doctor once warned him to quit drinking or take a chance on going deaf. “The stuff I’ve been drinking is much better than the stuff I’ve been hearing lately,” said Bill . . . Joke via Emile Harvard is about a kid who asked his father if it was true about a black cat bringing bad luck. ‘That depends,” answered Pop, “whether you’re a man or a mouse” . tized? . . . That aged philosopher who is the best known intellectual rebel of our day spoke to a women’s group in Toronto and was later asked how he liked the experience. “I prefer my women one at a time,” he answered .. . Sophia Loren, after telling Ed Murrow that she loved money madly, made this perceptive observation: “If you’re not born wealthy you never feel wealthy.” LADY asked the grocer for ten pounds of dogfood, commenting that her husband was fond of it. “It'll kill him,” commented the surprised grocer. The lady laughed that off, saying he had been eating it for years. There came a week when she didn’t order the dogfood, explaining that her husband, who was not an old man, had died. The grocer recalled his warning to her. ‘Oh, it wasn’t that,” the lady said. “He broke his neck trying to bite his tail.” IN PARIS we drove past a very slummy area on the way in from the airport and Barney Fox, looking at it, said: ‘‘These kind of people own Algeria?” ...A lady sat next to a former president of the United States at a banquet. “I bet a friend $10 that I could make you say at least three words to me,” she told him. ‘“‘You’ve lost,” replied the notably taciturn Calvin Coolidge . . . Teacher asked a boy where the English Channel is. “How should I know?” he answered. “We can’t even get the CBC clearly at our house” . . . Zookeeper was chided for beating a small boy and got an even worse tonguelashing when he explained that it was for feeding the squirrels. ‘‘He was feeding them,” the zookeeper said, ‘“‘to the lions” ... Two Soviet scientists were driving past Cleopatra’s Needle in London and one predicted: ‘They'll never get it off the ground” . . . Suggested title: Totem Pole Frankenstein. CANADIAN FILM WEEKLY . . Thought: Can a blind man be hypno: Christmas Number In Verse MARK TWAIN closed one of his public addresses with this quotation, the source of which he did not give: I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again. There are two kinds of giving and this one is far greater than mere material generosity influenced by the calendar. This poem, called Regrets and uncredited where I read it, says something else worth remembering: I might have praised him yesterday, But now he cannot hear, And I that had no word to say Send roses to his bier. Time was I might have cheered his life, When warm in him was breath, But I that failed him in the strife Now beautify his death. Oh, how much longer must I live, Before I cease to wait The roses of my love to give Until it is too late? CONFUCIUS said: “A gentleman has nine aims. To see clearly; to understand what he hears; to be warm in manner; dignified in bearing; faithful of speech; painstaking at work; to ask when in doubt; in anger to think of difficulties; in sight of gain to remember right.” SPREE RESELL ER EE ERSTE EE EE PE IE IE EE EE ETE y i Q 1016 Eexintron AveENUE West i ‘ : ; y i ¥ Ww i 4 is 4 » Ae i “ . N 'y Md i Ba \ i ‘ ‘ R All the Best from | Johnny Shapiro : Men’s Shops : TORONTO 4 390 CoLLEcE STREET APE PA PAPAPE ID PAPA PAPASA PAPA PEIED: cal ¥