The New York Clipper (February 1905)

X THE NEW YORK CLIPPER. February 25. MY ItlCH AUNT HANNAH. BF CII.Mtl.KH It. DAY. My name la Ilnnnnli. I waB nnmcd for my mint. Inn never hud sol eyes upon her mil II Iter n nival nt our house. I any "our house," bemuse I had charge of It for Uncle .loshiin, a Jolly, but sensible elderly gentleman, to whom I owed iny maintenance and education nftcr the enrly decease of my iiiircnlH. 'J'he imrtlgnlilrd townspeople, young nml old, unlvcrsnlly culled my guardian mill benefactor Josh, and when I rebuked i>. forward youlli, who served the dally papers, for bis lack of respect for ago, the gain In remarked with the smartness of a street Arab : "I mil hlnl Josh because he Is Hie biggest Jnslier In town." As I could not deny the allegation that guardian was sportive and frolicsome, and full of harmless Jokes, I overlooked the Irreverence of the Impudent youngster nnd administered no further rebuke. Todn justice to Uncle Joshua. I would further state Hint the gny and glad old gentleman never, never permitted Ms Jokes to become so practical ns to work to the Injury of any person, either In mind or body. I never knew anyone to get more enjoyment out of life I lis a guardian, and ho was perfectly happy In the pleiiHiiro of Ills books, magazines and newspapers, ii nd his garden and orchard In (lie outdoor season. Uncle Josluin had n keen sense of (he humorous mid despised the lugubrious. Fun was the food he fed on. The comic sheets and Mm funny supplements were Ills delight In cartoon and print, A patron of the drama, he abjured the tragic, cared only for comedy, fnrcc and laugh Inspiring conglomerations of comic opera and eye-satisfying spectacular shows. He Just doted on the minstrels mid the circus, and the clown — well, as for Ilic clowns, he cultivated their pci ■:, nasi acqiiiilnlaure find dined them and made much of ihein. Just ns other people of wealth and soelnl slnadlng enlcr to the cultivation of the great lights of the singe. It was In keeping with guardian's geniality that he called our residence Ilrlglilslde, and nllhougli It wns quite a domain It wns centrally located and, by Its expnnslvcness, wns much envied by real estate speculators, who would have been pleased to cut It up nml put It In Hie market as "n rare bargain in city lots." Fortunately Uncle Joshua could well nfford to keep Hie estnle Intact, much lo Hie disappointment of the land sharks, who spoke of the homestead |n derision ns Josh's Farm. Being a young Indy. of more than ordinary financial prospects, both by my own right and ns the heir of my guardian, I, of course, received the attentions of the young gentlemen In n general wuy, but, to lie fro nl;, I here wan no Individual suitor who came n wooing me. The iiinscullnc visitors rather paid suit to Uncle Joshun, perhaps paying court over Ids hend. Probably guardian was a too (manning rival and too enjoyable an entertainer, for It Is n mutter of fact tlmt It was current comment Hint (lie youth who came to Bright side courted the muster Instead of the ward. Hut ns the right mini did not appear, I was not jealous of the at tvnl Inn tin Id to my guardian, who was I ho acme of popularity, Uncle Joshun corresponded regularly Willi iny Aunt lliinnnli and was always prompt In his cplstolnlory duties, nnd (be pair of llicm conl rlbuled generously toward the support of t lie pusliil department. Uunrdlim reported the movement of nuntle on receipt of eucli epistle, inn) when 1 once remarked the migratory moveiiictils of the woman always louring, be reH| rl.-il : •Hannah Is ns rich ns mud mid can well afford It." I had never sccu Mudd quoted in nnv of I he published lists of millionaires or capitalists, but pitsuincd Hint he wns n lax dodger, who was from New York, with a legal residence In Tuxedo, Lenox or Newport. Not caring to expose my Ignorance, I made no Inquiry of uncle In regard (o the stnndlug of. Hie Croesus, lint I did sny : "I should think Unit mini would tire of so much travel." "On. Iho contrary," relumed guardian, "she Hilda Pleasure nnd prollt, a guaranteed financial reward, In addition lo her remunerative art Interests " As 1 never had cross examined Uncle Joshun, or pumped liliu, ns the men would say, I inuilu no attempt nt further enlightenment by ln<|iilry. Uncle Joshua had n habit of poking full at la iiulsltlvo women, and I believe Hint he would have had his satirical snort at Iho expense of Ills ulcer. If I lind exhibited n woman's curiosity. And nil Iho while I was Just dying lo know more of Hie persona Illy of my rich Aunt llniuinh. One morning uncle brought Ills ninll to Hie break last table nnd, between coffee, rakes mid. eggs, lie conimeuied on the eoiniiiuulcnllous. "Ilnl This Is news Indeed. Norton's C'lrciiB closes Hie season at Williams and ships to tills place to Winter on the bale (Iruunds. What a illy I hey do not show here; but they will open In the .Spring In ibis town, mid It Is only n Joy IKist poned." The next Idler ho opened wns from Aunt Ilnnnnli, and lie rrnuirked: "llab! Ilannali again. As I expected, she la entiling lo visit us. She writes It Is to visit //oil. No wonder 1 did not recognize (lie chlrogrnpliv. Mho soys I linl she writes In linslc and with n pencil. How slovenly! Why didn't she wrlle with cure nnd pen and Ink. Such uu Infraction of I lie etliiiiellc of correspondence Is quite erlinlunl, and 1 can only forgive her on account of the glad tidings It brings. I have looked forward In anxious antidilution lo ngnln meeting (he very embodiment of Jollity and good nature, lean promise you, iny dear, Iho greatest lime of your life when your Aunt Hannah comes to town I" Uncle Joshun lold the Irutli, 1 did linve the time of iny lire when my rich Aunt llnaimh came lu town — so did everybody else. I never saw undo so much lukoil up ns lie wns with his preparation for the coming of our giiosl. lie olwnya ntlcnded lo I he marketing and providing for the table, nnd as we practically kept open house nil (he year, we always bad liberal stores of Hie substantiate nnd an almost endless variety of the appetizing adjuncts of the table. Never before had 1 known Uncle Joshua lo buy so largely, but 1 attributed Ids extra provision lo the coming of the circus lo town and was of the Impression Unit he was providing for Hie eulertiilinncnt of the nuiiutgciiind Ids business slad". The Iradospeople unloaded enough food nl llrlghlsldc to supply Iho commissary of a military company In encampment, nml Uncle Joshua was Just ns happy as Hie men who furnished the goods. The night before t lie comlug of nunlle she wired undo the hour nnd minute of lirr arrival, nnd Iho (ruin wns on lliuc. Now, you must know Hint so liberal a gentleman ns iny uncle lind privnle carriages nud turiiuiitB in variety, but before going lo the depot to welcome our visitor, he explained : "Dear, your aunt Is a very democratic person, and. In keeping with her simple tastes, we will walk down lo (he station nnd come buck la a public conveyance." Of course, I iiiude no objection. I will confess lo being human I desired to stand well In the eyes of my Aunt llnniiali. both on account of the relationship nud the riches. All the way lo Hie station Uncle was ns buoyant as it hoy going to I ha circus wllh the price of iidnilsston In Ids blind, lie chuckled nl every slop and wns In unusually gay spirits, even for him. When Mm train rolled hi I was anxious wlili expectation. Hie Inure so us Uncle Joshun remarked as Hie train slopped : "I have a great surprise In store for nra." In one respect I was mil disappointed. The advent of my rich Aunt lluiiiiali was Indeed Hie surprise of my life. I was surprised ! shucked 1 'Tonic wllli me," coniina tided uncle, lending the way. mil to I lie palace I'allman, as I expected, but to I he luiggiige cur. The baggage car — Just think of II! To throw out the baggage was Hie work of seconds, and we, In uncle's eager entliushisni, barely escaped the tumbling trunks, ltehlnd the grinning fines of the triilninen 1 saw the form of an elepliant In skirls, surmounted with n human brail. "Horrors!" I exclaimed lo myself, forlunnlely not remarking nloiid. My senior relnt Inns exchanged glad greetings. "Hello, llnniiali !" "Hello, Josh!" I . TOIICAT AMI D'ALIZA Are presenting n French novelty sketch in vaudeville with uninterrupted success. Some years ago M. Tunn: cniiic to America alone nnd won much renown for tho excellence nnd novelty of his single specially. letter he returned to his home in France, but soon enmc back, bringing Ills wife, Flor D'AHkii, (o insist lit tn In a double novelty act, inure elaborate and dllllcult of presentation, trior |i'A||/ii lind won for herself an enviable reputation In France as a singer of chic songs In her unlive tongue, but since alio, tins arrived In America she bus added several songs, rendered lu English, wlih h udd to tho novelty of tbelr combined offering. v"r**%< JOHNSON AND KI'.A \ Closed a very successful Summer engagement la Kuilapcst, Aug. 31; positively the biggest business ever done there. Director Friedman Immediately made an offer for the entire Summer season of 11)05. They opened the new Apollo Theatre, In Vienna, Sept. J, 1004. Owing to phenomenal success, were prolonged for the second month, and proved to be bigger favorites than the first. The second month Miss Venn's quick change from a gorgeous 1'nrlslnii gown down to a handsome burlesi|iio suit, fairly made tho audience gOBp In iiilmlia linn, and created a new sensation lu rag lime In the continental music halls. Vienna newspaper writers sny she is the moat beautiful formed American woman on the variety stage. They receiilly tilled n successful cngngcnieut at the Wiiitorgarleti, Herllu. TOM (.1 1,1,1 :\ Hun been surprising managers of vaudeville houses of late by the Ingenious way In which lie delivers the material InoTdenlnl and appertaining to the llrst class monologue net, Willi which he la tilling u succession of dates. Invariably lie lias been heralded as the second J. \V. Kelly, and Mr. allien lakes particular pride In the fact Hint he is not attempting or giving an Imitation of that nctor. Ills llrst atlemiit nt his present style of entertainment was made successfully March 0, 1U04, nt a Ted Murks concert, nud his first week stand at the Troriulern, Philadelphia. lie Is hooked nt the lending houses. Mr. Glllen was formerly well known by his clever work In an athletic act. In which he appeared wllh his wife, Hnttlo Slewart, as Ullleu and Stewart. The station agent, who was superintending the dlsembarkmcnl, remarked to uncle: "The lady could not get Into the end doors of the passenger coaches, so, like the policeman in search of a drink, she bad to enter and exit at the side door," Uncle bawhawed, but I was ready to cry from vexation as the multitude of travelers and loungers gathered about and shouted: "What's the matter with Hannah?". But how did my rich Aunt Hannah escape from the car? Without going into details, the trainmen Just slid her down on the plank Just ns If the huge creature was so much baggage. Aunt Hannah appeared to enjoy the uuusunl method of alighting as hugely ns did tho gaping, cheering crowd, nnd the moment sue regained her feet she remarked to undo : "After the manner of unloading the Queen of Rnglnnd nt Windsor, when she was stiff with rheumatism." Then Bhe Inquired, addressing guardian : "Do we ride, or make a procession V" Uncle sized auntie up and was In doubt; It wns a physical Impossibility for the fat woman to walk to Hrightsldc, and an equal Impossibility for her to enter any, public conveyance. My rich Aunt Hannah was equal to the occasion. Before uncle could solve the problem of transportation she spied n two-horse dray backed up at the pintform. Auntie chartered It, and, at her suggestion, her trunks were placed as If to afford her a comfortable seat, the considerate driver of the vehicle substituting the convenient horse blankets In plnce of cushions. Auntie Invited us to Join her. Uncle was willing, but as I hcsltnted he ordered the drayman to proceed to Hrlghtsldc with his load, remarking Hint we would lend the procession In a carriage. And we did. Extended remarks la regard to the public demonstration unnecessary 1 Aunt Hannah and her trunks Ulled the dray, and the lookers on filled the sidewalks. 1 am u6t certain as to which received the greater ovatloa, my uncle or the extraordinary large relatlon of proportionate fortune. And what do yon think? When the most enterprising of the afternoon dallies appeared It depleted with realistic precision three scenes with all the accuracy of the camera. I. "The Arrival. II. "The Procession." III. "The Unloading." The publication made uncle nnd me prominent, aa prominent ns one could be and allow for the Bpace occupied by Auntie. account of the sloping of the dray, I managed to get my rich Aunt Hannah Into the house and out of sight of t lie mob, a large percentage of the population having. Joined In the free for nil parade, and followed the largest living woman, of Norton's Circus, to Brlghtsldc, pncklng the street nnd overflowing. into the grounds, full of mirth and mischief, but not turbulent, on account of the respect In which uncle was held. I thought Hint the scene wns mortifying, but Uncle Joshua enjoyed the sensations of the situation hugely, and 'wag for my aunt's coming out on the porch nnd bowing her acknowledgements after the manner of a. prima donna or a slnr before the curtain. I dissuaded him on the grounds that nuntle was tired, but the object of my solicitude Interposed : "I'm not tired a little bit, but I'm so hungry." "Hungry I" There wnB u plulnllveness In her nppenl that sounded aa If It came from a shadow Instead of a substance. Ab booh as I had ordered the servants lo set the dluner nt once, I rejoined auntie In the parlor and asked: "Shall I show you your room upstairs?' Auat Hannah laughed at tho Idea, exclaiming In great glee: "Upstairs? Not on your life, dear! It would be Impossible to make It without a derrick. While I Btay I'll Just camp out In the back parlor. I urn used to gottlug along any old way with the circus." Aa you may ecc, Auntie wna not so hard *o please — so long ns she got abundance to cat. But 1 will do the good soul tho Juiitlce to sny that she bad a largo heart ns well ns a big nppetlte. At the tnhle mint lc wns not a brilliant; conversationullst, belag otherwise busy with her mouth, but during the dinner I learned that business with the circus had been uniformly good, and nuntle'a "art Interests" profitable — that Is, alio had disposed of n large quautlty of photographs, which, by the waf, were admirable likenesses, but not life size. Don't, I beg of you, think bo little of mo as to Imagine that I did the agreeable to my rich Aunt Hannah solely from mercenary motives. I really mado It Just as pleasant sb I could for her, to the great grntlflcatloo of Uncle Joshua, who removed nil personnl blamo from her shouldei'B by the observation: "Hannah 1b not at fault for her size. Your mint Is Just as tho Lord made her." The ancrllcgo of making the Lord responsible fur auntie's all-coiisiimlng nppetlte I I wouldn't have thought that of guardian. None of us are without our foibles, except It bo tho seors who write the leaders for the newspapers and direct tho universe In their own minds. After dinner nuntle laid down for a nap and wns Boon snoring, and such snoring! As n seafaring man was passing the house he remarked to his comrado of the waters: "Get on to the fog horn blowing lu clear weather." Uncle wired Hie Irreverent remark to a comic Journal, and received n check for llfty ceuts (night rate). Guardian did not get It cashed, but keeps It framed In the parlor as an evidence of his greatest nud moat prolltnble literary achievement. After nuntle'a nap her personnl friends began to call, Uncle Joshua acting ns reception committee of one nud Individual muster of ceremonies. Freak followed frenk, with the wicked reporters and special artists on the spot, sitting at points of vantage on the front fence, with n background of the population sulllcleut to block the streets nnd sidewalks. VtHtTons to My Rich Aunt Hannah, Ni:mbih C.U.I.Y AltllANOHD IN TUB OlIDKIl Of TlIHIlt AttlUVAL. I. The giant. II. The dwarf. 111. The bearded woman. IV. Tho Clrcnsslon girl. V. Tho womau with two heads. VI. The Albino Family, live In number. VII. Tho dog-faced boy. VIII. The living skeleton, IK. The sword swnllowcr. Uncle Joshua was In on ecstney of bliss, and Inquired : "Arc any of the circus folks coming around?" Auntie turned upon him with withering scorn aad returned: "We human curiosities never nssoclute with common circus trash." The living skeleton applauded the sentiment so forcibly that he nearly broke himself In two. Kveryliilng at the reception pnsBCd off pleasantly with the exception of n disagreement between the two heads of tho double bended girl. Unc hend wanted to lenvo early and the other head desired to "slnv nud see the thing out," Auntie declared that there was Just one thing lacking, and that was an opportunity "to get nt the crowd nnd work Ihein with her photographs." Waggish Uncle Joshua told her lo "lire nwny," but Aunt iiaunnh did not tnke advantage of the altuntlon, out of consideration for her cullers, who lind not brought their stock of pictures. All the abnormal* took ten nt (be general Invitation of nuntle and the special Invitation of uncle. One of the reporters Insisted on seeing guardian, as we were supping, with the inquiry : "What Is going on now'/" Uncle replied : "Grcnt eating match between the fat woman nud the two headed girl, and, although the double bender has one mouth the best of It, I'll wager that, llnniiali wins." Later on Hie same "Journnllst" was informed, la answer to a similar query, that the bearded woman was "taking a vow not to shove." St ranee lo rclalc. the giant, the dwarf nnd the living skeleton were all In love with my rich Aunt Hannah, cither on account of her entrancing ways or the enticement of her money. The dwarf and ilic giant almost enmc to blows, but I he giant pocketed nn aggravating Insult nnd the dwarf at I lie smite lime. When the party broke up tunny adieus were said, and the freaks disbursed to lulllll engagements In tho city museums. , To the delight of the trades-people, my rich Auat Hannah made a prolonged stay, but one