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O U Rj
L A N T
Vol. III.
March, 1915
No. 2
CONTENTS
Cover Picture — The Greeks New Year's Greeting
"Our Old Man," by Mr. Maxwell Page 2
Impertinent Paragraphs, by Mr. Pratt Page 3
View of Edison Club Banquet Page 4
Floor Tests (Figures by Mr. Condron) Page 5
Notes from Banquet Program Page 5
Mutual Benefit Association Page 6
Reconstruction Views Page 6
Cartoon of Our Fire, by Ray Morris Page 7
Some Interesting Photos Page 8
Letter Sent Out by Mr. Edison Page 9
Letters of a Japanese Schoolboy
By Mr. Wales... Page 10
Some Figures Page 1 1
Laboratory Notes, by Mr. Ries Page 11
The Battery Plant, by Mr. Andrews Page 12
Our Plant
(Copyright 1915 by the Glenmont Press, West Orange, N. J.)
T. M. Edison, Editor
Impertinent Paragraphs
According to the banquet program, the Phonograph folks found us Storage Batterypeople "regular fellows." Wonder what they thought we were, farmers or gold-brick men? But when they say we have all the many virtues and faults they own up to, they are dead wrong — we haven't any virtues and wouldn't know what to do with them if we had. Besides, anyone can have virtues, but it takes a mighty clever person to have a lot of faults and get away with them. We're not very clever, so don't dare have many faults, but those we have are all our own — they are unique — and what's more, they are protected by letters patent in the United States, Europe and Japan, and anyone caught infringing on them will be rigorously prosecuted, even if we have to hire Unger, of the Legal Department,
to do it.
* * *
If that misguided son of Calembourg who wrote that "Bill" stuff on the bottom of the February Edison Club bill doesn't reform he will end his days writing "Goops" for the Evening Mail, or jokes for "Skinny Shaner's Googly Department" in the Journal. It affect
ed us so that we immediately made the bill a "bill of lading" by wrapping it around a quarter and "chasing the kid down with it." (Isn't that the way they used to express it?) Ordinarily we would have waited until they sent us sufficient statements to enable us to sell the paper to the junkman for a quarter
and then pay up.
* * *
It is commonly said that there hasn't been a universal genius since Bacon, but we have developed, since the fire, two or three geniuses who could put it all over Bacon for universality and then find time to attend the banquet.
* * *
There is one thing they didn't think of in selecting steel office furniture. The steel will retain heat a long time and if a couple of irascible department heads get into a hot argument and start pounding the desk — well, someone's going to get burned, that's all. However, it will be good for the amateur chicken farmers, for they can pick out the chairs of the fat men and use them for incubators nights and save the kerosene to kill the potato bugs.