The Edison phonograph monthly (Jan-Dec 1916)

Page 10 Our Plant Letters of a Japanese School Boy (After — a long way after — Wallace Irwin) To the Editor The Edison Club Program, which appear only once per annual, thus deserving gratitude of all readers. Hon. Mr. Sir:— I am enjoying discharge from my present position, which I no longer decorate. Answering the Hellup Wanted ad in the Orange Chronic-ill, I become assistant office devil for Edison Battery Store-rage Co., for one (1) consecutive day. "What do I work?" I ask of Hon. Byrne, who although unfireproof, sit at wooden desk explaining lost designs and cuts. "From 2 A. M. to 4.30 A. M. you assist HonMudd to find cost of welded spotted bossy, in millions lot. Hon. Mudd he read in defficiency book, human brain most active in these hours of morning," he repose. "Then what are my to-duties?" I insist. "After that you spend 3^ hours daily laughing loudishly hee-haw, hee-haw, at bum jokes of Hon. Andrews. You answer ladies telephoning for Hon. Poyer, who sit entirely surrounded by card indexes and charts showing how many House Delighting Plants bought by jay-farmers in East Agony, Neb., during peak month of Nov. 1914. I are distracted by sight of 3,149 employees of Phonograph Co., slowly parading in single file through door to factory, clutching papers in hands and marching back through same door over and over again, pursued by Hon. Gilletteless Durand, with steely glint of sell-it expression in right and left eye, and muttering "Telescribe" and "Transophone." Just then in-enter Hon. Magazine Misrepresentative, approaching Hon. Andrews with glad look and large jovial button borrowed for the day. Hon. Andrews make greeting: "What, you here again? Another half hour gone to — " "Hail, Hon. Senator " inject Hon. Mag. Misrep. "I are Brother No. 4-11-44, Sons of Jo-jo." "Son of a liar " indig Hon. Andrews. "I are No. 4-11-44 myself." "Pardon, that were number of my Fordauto. My number is 23. I misrepresent The Ladies' Home Knitting Review which are just exactly the very identical ideal media for advertising the Edison Battery Store-rage. Allow me to present at you our last volume, bound in Spanish Bull." "But we use men's publications only," sidestep Hon. Andrews. Hon. Mag. Misrep. light 27th cigarette since entering, then lean forward with so-hypnotic expression, place one arm around Hon. Andrews' neck, pound desk with other fist and blow smoke in face: "Just what you want, Hon. Andrews. The Ladies' Home Knitting Review, is now read exclusively by men, who study it with frantic faces to learn the lastest stitches in side, for knitting socks for the Belgiums, who have done nothing to deserve this. Last week 397 presidents of corporations give up resignations in order to knit socks entirely." Hon. Andrews breathe usual sigh. "All right — we will take singular column 3 agateware lines, if you publish ad in 4 colors with pure reading matters on all sides, and allow us to use one insertion at 52-time rate, also 35% commission to Hon. Wales Advertising Co, less 10%, 5%, 3% and 2% on general principle or lack of it. Also to publish free one 10-page reading article describing intense and non-interesting technical details of manufacture of Edison Batteries, with picture-photos of cellars of rich malefactors who misuse them. Also a free leading editorial condamning all lead batteries. Also " But just then, while I am carrying tray of dictatemachine records and looking across room at fascinating stenographer (name on request,) I trip over Hon. Misrep. 's valise full of circulation perjuries, and fall on his wrist, breaking his watch-crystal, and also all records. "Togo P'bellow Hon. Andrews. "That tray of broken records contained my extemporaneous and impromptu speech-talk for the Edison Club Dinner. You are discharged and short-circuited!" Hoping you are the same, I are Yours truly, Hashimura Togo.