Exhibitors Herald (Jul-Sep 1922)

28 EXHIBITORS HERALD July 8, 1922 And They Say the English Have No Sense of Humor One of London's Leading Trade Papers Publishes Satirical Sketch Rapping Review Critics THE remark is made so often that the English have no sense of humor. The appended sketch, reproduced from "Kinematograph Weekly," one of England's leading film trade papers, proves the fallacy of that statement, or it is the exception — one or the other. The article was written following an order barring a reviewer from a trade showing because of adverse criticism of a certain picture. An exact reproduction of the sketch, published in "Kinematograph Weekly" under the title, "The Writings of Bun-Kum," follows : CHAPTER XVI. Of the madness of certain wen. And of their strange words. The Gates are barred against the Kritt Ik. Who careth not. Of the mirth of the Lords of Kinn Ee. And of the madness of the Lord Nosoo. Who putteth his feet in his mouth. Of the wrath of the Lords of Kinn Ee. 1. In the Land of Phyll Um is there ever something new. Yea, marvels and wonders do never cease therein, so that I, Run Kum, whose heart inclineth ever unto that which is strange, do never lack a juicy thing to make mine heart merry withal. 2. For was it not written by them of old time : "Whom the gods wish to destroy they first make mad" ? Wherefor must the gods wish to destroy many of the inhabitants of this Land. Nor do I blame the gods overmuch. ff3. Now it came to pass that on a day the gods smote certain men with a grievous madness. For lo ! their speech was not as that of other men, and their actions were exceeding strange. 4. For they had shown a Dudd at a Tradj O, calling it a Fee Tcher. Yet had the Kritt Iks not been deceived thereby, but knowing it for Wottitt Woz had Punk Tchered it Gudden Proppa. 5. Wherefore was there a helluva Buss Tupp and a considerable Shemozzle. For the Ren Turrs did tear their > hair, and clothing them in sackcloth and ashes (yet in nowise repenting them of their evil intent), did cry aloud, saying: fl6. "The Kritt Iks are base fellows of a low degree. Yea, unclean Puffe Pees are they all. For they have Rum Bold Mi and Punk Tchered our Pik Tcher. Wherefor we shall Gob Usst." 7. And the noise of their lamentations ascended even unto Heaven. Yet did I, Bun Kum, man-el that no man seemed to Givead Aram for aught tlict they might say. ' 8. And it came to pass that when one moon has waxed and waned they brought yet another Pik Tcher to the Tradj O. But whether a Dudd or a Fee Tcher is there no man who can say. 1f9. For lo ! when the Kritt Ik came even unto the Pall Ass wherein was the Tradj O he found the Gatesthereof barred against him so that he might in no wise enter therein. 10. For He-Who-Guarded-the-Gates spake unto the Kritt Ik, saying : "Thus saith the Lord Nozoo: 'There shall enter herein none who cometh from the Book of Kinn Ee. For the servants of Kinn Ee shew us the Naked Truth. 11. "'And we, being decent men and of a clean mind, desire not to behold Truth in all her Nakedness. Rather would we veil our eyes that we may see Her not nor put Her to shame. 12. Wherefor, O Kritt Ik, thou shalt not enter herein, but shalt return even unto thine own place. For so hath the Lord Nozoo decreed." And so saying he departed and the Kritt Ik saw him no more. fll3. Yet did the Kritt Ik seek naught of the matter, but rather did he rejoice that peradventure he had been spared a Great Pain. For he worshipped St. Mary the Less and desired not that She should spue forth her wrath upon his head. 14. And returning unto the Lords of Kinn Ee he did tell all that had passed, and did relate unto them even the words of the Lord Nozoo. 1|15. And the Lords of Kinn Ee, when they had heard his tale, answered and said: "Verily Itt Tiglath Uz Pink. We have not found such Pholly, no, not in all the Land of Phyll Um. 16. "We will seek out this Lord Nozoo that peradventure we may gain thereby much laughter. For We Bett Tcher that when He openeth His mouth He will put His Foot therein." 17. And it was even as the Lords of Kinn Ee had said. For they inquired of the Lord Nozoo, saying : "Tell us now, we pray thee, wherefor were the Gates of the Pall Ass barred against the Kritt Ik when he came even unto thy Tradj O?" 1[18. And the Lord Nozoo opened his mouth so wide that I, Bun Kum, feared lest he might split in twain. Yea, so wide did" he open it that his Foot went therein even unto his Knee. ! ! ! ! and much more of a like sort. So that even I, Bun Kum, did hide my face in shame. 20. An the Lords of Kinn Ee answered and said: "It is plain to see that thou hast a Grouch. Yet tell Us, we pray thee, why thou fearest the Naked Truth. Perchance thine eyesight is bad and thou art blinded by Her Beauty, or peradventure thou art trying to Swing Something and Gettaway Withitt." 31. And tiie Lord Nozoo opened his mouth yet again and stuck therein his other foot. For he answered hotly and said : "I have given ye no Koop Ee nor yet any Publiss Itti. Therefor do I in no wise desire that your Kritt Iks shall Kritti Ciz my Pik Tchers." 22. And I, Bun Kum, knew then that the Lord Nozoo was of a truth afflicted with a sore madness. For it was plain to see what was in his mind. 2:;. And I did grieve that the gods should have so smitten him. For though he was mad yet was he a comely fellow and devoid of guile. Yet was there still a word to say. 24. For the Lords of Kinn Ee, when they Ixad ceased from their mirth, said unto him: "Hold a moment,, we pray thee, while we Wypour Eyz. For verily thou art a Wagge and lovest a merry jest. Yet hearken now to our words and take heed thereto. For we love thee exceedingly and desire not to see thee mad ■forever. 25. "Wottinell, thinkest thou, care wee for thy Koop Eee or for thy Publiss Itti? Go to. thou Wuddened : consider where the Tchik Inn Gottitt and beware lest thou Gettitt there also. 26. "For though thou in thy folly feasest the Naked Truth, yet do the Egzib Ittors love the sight thereof, and we, who know this, givitem, and will continue to do so." (Continued on page 42) MONEY MAKING IDEAS Which Have Been Used Successfully by Exhibitors to Build Up Their Patronage MAJESTIC THEATRE, LEXINGTON, NEB. CARD copy reads: "Family Ticket 50c. Price 45c. Tax 5c. Free Tickets to Rest of Family." Family Night, conducted in this manner, has met with a warm reception and is growing more popular steadily. In effect, one ticket admits the entire family to the theatre.