Film Fun (1928 - 1942 (assorted issues))

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Golf may be a Scotch game, but lots of people play it with rye and gin. She— I’ll bet you didn’t know what real happiness was until you got mar¬ ried. He — Yes, and then it was too late. Sally — A man followed me all the way home last night. Betty — Weren’t you frightened? Sally — Yes, I was scared he might turn down a side street. “I’m going to see the double-header this afternoon at Coney Island.” “There’s no baseball field at Coney Island.” “Who said there was? I’m going to a freak show.” “Say, how did you make out in that pie-eating contest ?” “Oh, Bert came in first and 1 came in sickened.” He — That prize fight last night certainly had me all excited. She — Did they have a big gate? He — You bet ! I couldn’t get over it. A girl may not be able to thread a needle, but she can tie a beau. "My wife went to Europe to take up opera.” "I hear she went over big.” ''Yes, but she’s coming back slim.” ■ ♦ ■ “They say that in China you can buy a wife for five dollars.” “Why, that’s frightful !” “Oh, I don’t know, a good wife may be worth it.” ‘ ♦ • "Hello, girlie, I’m a coin col¬ lector.” "Well, well, let’s get together to¬ night and talk over old times.” Marital conversation is generally an open and “Shut Up!” proposition. She knows her etchings, She knows her onions, If a man is wealthy She ignores his bunions. Suburbanite (at railway station) — Pick up a stone and see for your¬ self if I don’t live a stone’s throw from the station. Guest — I believe you. Suburbanite — Well, throw a stone anyway. I’m building a rock gar¬ den. Speaking of marriage: Where ig¬ norance is bliss, ’tis folly to be wives. “Well, well, I see my best pal gave you a bad beating.” “Say, you never saw the fellow who gave me this beating.” “No, but he’s my best pal now!” Hubby — Ha, ha, I’ll bet I drive you nearly wild talking in my sleep. Wifey — Darling, it isn’t the talk¬ ing, it’s your mumbling. “They say Harry drinks to forget.” “Yes, and he always forgets to stop drinking.” "I know they float, but you're crazy eating all that Ivory soap!" Page 25