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Golf may be a Scotch game, but lots of people play it with rye and gin.
She— I’ll bet you didn’t know what real happiness was until you got mar¬ ried.
He — Yes, and then it was too late.
Sally — A man followed me all the way home last night.
Betty — Weren’t you frightened?
Sally — Yes, I was scared he might turn down a side street.
“I’m going to see the double-header this afternoon at Coney Island.”
“There’s no baseball field at Coney Island.”
“Who said there was? I’m going to a freak show.”
“Say, how did you make out in that pie-eating contest ?”
“Oh, Bert came in first and 1 came in sickened.”
He — That prize fight last night certainly had me all excited.
She — Did they have a big gate?
He — You bet ! I couldn’t get over it.
A girl may not be able to thread a needle, but she can tie a beau.
"My wife went to Europe to take up opera.”
"I hear she went over big.”
''Yes, but she’s coming back slim.”
■ ♦ ■
“They say that in China you can buy a wife for five dollars.”
“Why, that’s frightful !”
“Oh, I don’t know, a good wife may be worth it.”
‘ ♦ •
"Hello, girlie, I’m a coin col¬ lector.”
"Well, well, let’s get together to¬ night and talk over old times.”
Marital conversation is generally an open and “Shut Up!” proposition.
She knows her etchings,
She knows her onions,
If a man is wealthy She ignores his bunions.
Suburbanite (at railway station) — Pick up a stone and see for your¬ self if I don’t live a stone’s throw from the station.
Guest — I believe you.
Suburbanite — Well, throw a stone anyway. I’m building a rock gar¬ den.
Speaking of marriage: Where ig¬ norance is bliss, ’tis folly to be wives.
“Well, well, I see my best pal gave you a bad beating.”
“Say, you never saw the fellow who gave me this beating.”
“No, but he’s my best pal now!”
Hubby — Ha, ha, I’ll bet I drive you nearly wild talking in my sleep.
Wifey — Darling, it isn’t the talk¬ ing, it’s your mumbling.
“They say Harry drinks to forget.”
“Yes, and he always forgets to stop drinking.”
"I know they float, but you're crazy eating all that Ivory soap!"
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