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POLISHING HIM
' Did Estelle marry beneath her ? " " Dear me, yes ! She had to teach him tango, bridge and cigarettes ! '
Quasi-quips
VEN in business it is well to be fired with zeal — otherwise you may be fired with rapidity. The devil will have his do.
People who rule the roost like to crow about it.
He who has a bee in his bonnet often gets stung.
Some people take bushels of pains to keep out of a peck of trouble.
People who do things by halves secure fractional results.
It's natural for a man to desire to stutter when he pronounces his own doom.
Conscience may make cowards of us all, but it's the gallery that makes a lot of heroes.
All's fair in love — yet you can't convince the wife of it when her husband's stenographer is an attractive brunette.
It's sheer nonsense to claim that Truth lies at the bottom of a well. Truth never lies. — Don Bregenzer.
A Reservation
"Tell me, dearest — would you marry a spendthrift?"
"Surely— if he had the thrift."
Her Part
"She's fond of acting, isn't she?" "Yes, indeed. She plays the mischief with a fellow!"
A Misplaced Compliment
She— I don't see Bennie Beanbrough with that pretty country girl any more.
He — No; in being too anxious to please her, he precipitated an estrangement.
She — How did he do that?
He — She is very much interested in painting.
She — -So I understand.
He — Well, one day she took him to see some of her pictures on exhibition at the county fair.
She — Did he admire them?
He — He at least tried to pay the girl a compliment.
She— Indeed?
He — Yes. He said, "They all look like the work of Rubens," and she hasn't spoken to him since.
The Exception
He— The trouble with the average married woman is that she hasn't enough to do to keep her busy.
She — No, not unless she has married a man to reform him.
Some Little Manager
"Is your son's wife a good manager?" "Yes. She manages to make him jump whenever she gives him an order, which is more than I ever was able to do."
Not opportunity, but its use, is the test of a man.
YACHTING TERM : A FINE SPREAD OK CANVAS