From under my hat (1952)

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From under my Hat her food tastier, her children better-mannered than those of many others in Hollywood. And her servants walk a perpetual plank. In Biblical days Joan would have been a Christian martyr, wearing not one but two hair shirts. Today she weaves her own, and if she ever sheds it, she won't be Joan Crawford. There was a time when she used to drive her own Ford. It was pure white, even to the leather upholstery. A liveried chauffeur sat beside her in the front seat, and on the back of the car was a Fire Department plate. She even had a siren to make mere mortals stop, look, and listen. She's done over her house any number of times, with each doing costing a fortune. I doubt if she can even remember the comfortable mission Morris chair she once had in her living room. Now the room features fine paintings, Ming horses, Chinese porcelains; treasures gathered from all over the world. Once she found some rare Chinese silk panels and had them framed under glass for hanging in her dining room. One night Alex Woollcott dined there. "What are they under glass for?" he asked. "So nothing will splash on them," she replied confidently. "The gravy I serve doesn't match the color in the background." When Joan married Doug Fairbanks Jr., Pickfair was in its heyday of visiting royalty, and Miss Crawford just didn't fit in. She was never invited to her in-laws' home until Lord and Lady Mountbatten spent part of their honeymoon there. They were enthusiastic and curious about movie stars, Lord Mountbatten being particularly interested in Joan Crawford. Not realizing that the family hadn't accepted her, he asked to meet her. So she and young Doug were invited to a ball for the great ones. Instead of being resentful, Joan was pleased as punch. She ordered her first ball gown— white satin with a long train. On arriving at Pickfair, Joan nervously stepped in front of an onrushing butler in the entrance hall. She kept on going; the train remained under his foot. When she heard a loud rip, Joan turned. Seeing what had happened, she scooped up the tattered remains and fled in tears, with young Doug after her. 78