The international photographer (Jan-Dec 1934)

Twenty-four The INTERNATIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER CINEMACARONI November, 1934 AT LAST! The tvorld has been waiting for it. Women and children have been waiting for it. The Man in the Street has been waiting for it. And so has Grandma Gluts. And so have YOU ! This issue begins the first installment of our SUPER-SERIAL, the glamorous, glorious, glutinous tale of love and adventure all over the place. Don't delay — commence this heart rending, back breaking drama now. Commence .' Begin! Start! Go! And here it is! Ta — R-A-A-A-A! HOLLYWOOD HONEYMOON by R. THRITIS Synopsis of preceding chapters. (Don't be a goof. This is the first installment. ) CHAPTER I — Ten Nights in a Daze Lili Liverblossom paced the narrow room like a caged tigress, only she smelled nicer. Of Flamboyant Films, Limited, Lili was the bright particular star. Chiefly particular. Lili was in a funk. It was a blue funk and of all colors blue suited Lili's personality least. Warm shades of brown were fitting, as were various shades of purple. One color. Apoplectic Purple, had been created especially for her. But I digress. I'm color crazy. My chief ambition is to be a vermillionaire. Lili was in a blue funk. As she paced back and forth she glanced out of the corner of her eye (the large green one) at Perriwether Murgle, to see if he was properly impressed. He was. He was actually subdued. Perri was Lili Liverblossom's Public Relations Counsel, known to the trade as press agent. Good-looking in a rather butcher-boyish manner, Perri had a mouth that was as flexible as a corset stay, and he stayed around the ladies the same way. It was really he who was responsible for Lili's fame. From the beginning he had seen most of Lili's possibilities and had gotten behind her and literally pushed her into stardom. But Lili had come to an impasse, although she didn't recognize it by that name. She was beginning to be forgotten around the edges. Flamboyant Films was angling for Olga Bendova, the ravishing Russian rave, to play the sultry lead in their magnificent superspectable, temporary titled, "Sacred and (censored) Love."' That this part should go to another star was unthinkable to Lili. Something had to be done about it, and blamed quick, too. It was up to Perriwether Murgle to do it. Wasn't he her press agent? (Answer next month.) Lili stopped pacing and looked at Perri. Perri looked at Lili. There they were just looking at each other. Lili broke the silence first. She was pretty clumsy. "Looka here." she said in her inimitable dialect, a little thing she picked up during her fifteen years in Hasheri, Indiana . "Looka here," she said, I said. "Get t' thinking. That picture starts nex' week. And 1 gotta have that part. Think up a good publicity stunt." "The only thing 1 can think of," said Perri, "is marriage. That should be good for a bumper crop right now, with the goody-goody campaign on. Think of all the pictures we could take of you in your little home, fixing things up for your loving hubby. It's a wow of an idea," he finished in a burst of enthusiasm. "But I ain't in love," said Lili dubiously. "So what? You can fall in love when we need another publicity stunt." "But I don't want to marry somebody I don't love," said Lili, becoming a little tearful "What if I had children? That would ruin my — er — career." "I can fix that," said Perri breezily. L'li looked at him slightly askance. "Don't get me wrong, babe," said Perri. "What I mean is this. We'll marry you to Hiram von Willeze, the director, and everything will be hunky-dory." "What makes you think so?" Perri leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Oh," said Lili. "You mean like one of those guys they have in harems!" "Exactly," said Perri. "Perfectly safe, see." He reached down and lifted Lili out of the channel she had worn in the floor pacing back and forth, and set her on the mantelpiece. "I'll be riprht back. I'm going to talk to von Willeze. He can use a little publicity himself right now and it ought to be jake with him." And with that he swung himself out the window and slid down the drain pipe. Half way down he found out the drain pipe stopped. Someone had stolen the lower half of it. So there was Perri. with no more pipe. Not even a cigar. And there we will leave him. (What will Perri do? And what will happen to Lili? Can she get down off the mantelpiece? And will she float? 1 mean on the sea of matrimony. Don't miss the next exciting installment of "Hollywood Honeymoon.") Late Xote from Sue City — Billie Dove is settling out of court the three damage suits against her for bites inflicted by her dogs on the priceless personages of Ruth Roland and one Mr. R. L. Sapp. Time was when a gal's hound could take a good healthy chunk out of any visitor, and get a bone for proving he was a good watch dog. Now all he gets is a subpoena. Upholsterers struck last month for more pay. But if didn't affect the picture business. Mae West has her own upholsterer under personal contract. After fighting eight years, William Fox finally has received court verdicts establishing him as the owner of the fundamental patents covering talking picture production and reproduction. So at last we know who is really responsible* for the squawkies. But we stilt have to find out why. THE MACARONI BOWL * * * When Mary Pickford greeted Rudy Vallee on the latter's "Varieties" hour over NBC, she and Rudy spent more time being photographed by newspapers and newsreels than they spent on the air! * * * A drive-in theatre is the newest innovation in Cinemaland. Just park your car in front of the huge screen, sit tight therein, and watch the show. Nobody but your own family can crunch candy in back of your neck. * * * Liberty Magazine's movie reviewer finally ran out of his three-word alliterative column headings, and had to eet along with ANTIC, ROMANTIC AND BOMBASTIC. Still ticking, anyhow. * * * Victor Jory was hit in the face by a blast from a pistol in the hands of Preston Foster during rehearsal of a scene for "White Lies." Fred Keating had to jump off the side of a steamer as part of his work in "The Captain Hates the Sea." He can't swim . And Henry Wilcoxon, during the filming of fight scenes for "Cleopatra," was seriously gashed by a saber thrust and went home to recover. Back to work in a few days, he went into more battle scenes — and got carved in the same place! Do you still want to get into pictures? * * * Recently light earthquake tremors in San Francisco rattled dishes and rang an old ship's bell. * * * I don 't mind' the rattle of dishes . as long as the skeletons in my closet are left alone. * * * But why stop at rattling dishes? The quake ought to create a little good will for a change — and wash them and dry them. * * * It certainly could do as good a job as any restaurant dishwasher. * * * The hell-ringing idea was a happy thought. But a little late to do much good. * * * Maybe the whole thing was just old Mother Nature's way of talking back to Lupe and Johnny Weissmuller. THE NEW ERA The Literary Digest informs us that "Taking unto themselves the chipper little slogan of 'wholesome, but entertaining,' a group of socially minded individuals have formed in New York an organization which they have chartered as 'The Motion Picture Foundation of America'." This reform agency will make forty features a year and about the same footage in shorts. The Rev. Dr. William B. Millar is secretary of the foundation. No actors or actresses -will be barred. Even Mae West will be acceptable, the Re:-. Dr. Millar intimated, if she "could be cast in something like 'Little Women*.1' FAMOUS FINALES I would like an executive position, Mr. Producer. I'm a personal friend of Upton Sinclair, and I could instruct you in all his policies. AMAZEMENT DEPARTMENT Ina Claire, on the august occasion of her thirty-ninth birthday, advised women who felt they were getting old, to buy a new hat and fall in love. "Get a facial and a new kind of hair dress." advises Miss Claire. "Look over the eligible males and fall in love with one of them. "You remember the time I eloped with Jack Gilbert? "That was my first airplane trip. The whole episode took 15 years off mv life/' * * * Drastic measures. Please mention The International Photographer when corresponding FINGER NAIL REVIEW (No space left on my thumb nails.) After 44 days of extra schedule, a hundred thousand feet of film, a hundred attempts to change the perfect title, a score of retakes, a dozen serious and unforeseen pieces of ill luck, and godnose how many muttered imprecations by a harrassed cast, "The Captain Hates the Sea" has at last emerged a full fledged gem on Columbia's screen. It truly is just that — Lewis Milestone's production of the book by Wallace Smith is a knockout. The story is a little sparse of plot, but you're so busy being entertained that you don't notice the deficiency even slightly. Half the stars in Hollywood are in the cast, it would seem. It is a little difficult to grade the credits, but 1 think Walter Connolly takes top honors. His portrayal of the dyspeptic sea captain is priceless. Victor McLaglen tags right along in the vicinity with his characterization of Shulte, the "Private Agency." Fred Keating, fresh out of legerdemain onto the screen, handles well his first screen role — a thankless one too — in spite of having had to battle a serious illness all through the production of the picture. I cant very well tell you the story of "The CapIO H8s the C," as the only thing that holds the mammoth cast together is the boat they are all on. The picture is just a swarm of laughs caught in a spider-web of plot. See it, and bury your troubles for an evening. BON MOT FROM THE PRESS: NEW YORK. — Verree Teasdale . . . arriving in New York to buy a trousseau for her marriage to Adolphe Menjou, said, "Love is more important than clothes." "I'd wear gingham if it would please him," Miss Teasdale continued. * * * Verree interesting, indeed. Do you really think it would' This from a studio production schedule : "MAN PROOF" ... No one assigned to this. * # * // seems the wise chap learns by experience. The city fathers of Canton, China, have banned mixed bathing and mixed dancing. Now they are attempting to enact an ordinance prohibiting mixed walking in public. * * * A man will probably have to get a permit to wait two hours for his wife on a downtown street corner. A nd then will have to carry her home in a satchel to get around the mixed walking ordinance. * * * The next step would be to ban people. Not a bad idea, if you could ban the banners first. * * * // they don't look out, the venerable gray-beards of Canton tcill be mistaken for a party of lost Philadelphians. CARD OF THANKS To Charles Chaplin. Our grateful appreciation for Ins sustaining our statement issued last month. We stated that he rarely showed any more at places where he was scheduled. So he didn't slum* up at his own party, where a hundred guests were waiting for him. Our gratitude knows no bounds. THE CLASS OF FASHION, WITH A DASH OF BITTERS The Fall Faddists are at it again. As the sport and vacation season draws to a close and the back to nature movement prepares to hibernate for a few months, the fashion experts gird their loins for the joyful work of once more torturing a long suffering public with the latest horrible concoctions dished up in the name of Dame Fashion. Imagination is stretched on a rack to invent what milady will wear, and what milord will do about it. Word comes from London that the "halfwig" is in vogue. This leaves one side of milady's head in its natural color, covering thp other half with whatever tint of hair is wished. I presume it is designed to confuse those men who have definite preferences for blondes or brunettes. An appropriate advertising slogan would be "Half -wigs for Half-wits at Half Price.*' Another bubonic brainstorm emanates from the emporium of the eminent Helena Rubinstein . to the effect that milady's face is going to be of color this fall, bursting upon our startled eacc with green face pozvder, glittering gold and silver eyelashes, eye shadows of blue, blue-green, areen, (/old, bronze, and silver, with irridescent eyebrows, and vivid, p (dished lips. That really will hc a sight — to make sore eyes. Milady will probably be a good, rich, healthy color in only one place — where she'll get spanked. DUST LIGHTLY WITH NUTMEG, with advertisers.