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22 IT TOOK NINE TAILORS
good. He might be all right for a hash house or a beanery but he was not fit for the kitchen of the Bismarck.
If he checked up on a chef who was applying for a job and discovered that his former employer thought the fellow was unreliable, Father was not discouraged.
"How unreliable?" he would ask.
"He gets drunk every Saturday night."
"Well," Father would say, "is that all?"
"He's also a bigamist."
"That is his private affair. What else?"
"He spent four years in jail for arson!"
"He sounds like a very fine chef," Father would say, and he would probably hire the man forthwith.
Father always claimed that the best chef he ever had was Alphonse, who had left New York City while out on bail after having being charged with carrying a concealed weapon. One night, prior to the regular dinner hour, Alphonse prepared a filet mignon with sauce bearnaise for Father's meal.
After he had dined Father went out to the kitchen to tell Alphonse how much he had enjoyed the sauce. As he approached the chef he happened to notice a carving knife lying on a table and picked it up to replace it in its rack. But Alphonse, for some reason, thought Father was going for him with the knife. With the agility of a cat he leaped over a chopping block and crouched on the other side waiting for Father to make a move.
"Be careful, my frand!" warned Alphonse. "Ze knife she ees queek, but ze revolvaire ees queekaire!"
With that he pulled a revolver out of his hip pocket and fired two shots into the ceiling, at which point Father went out of the kitchen in a very great hurry. After that he communicated with his favorite chef by notes, refusing to fire him despite his eccentricities; but the fellow finally left town just ahead of the sheriff.