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THE GROWTH OF A MUSTACHE 29
out to pasture. The cylinders were full of carbon, the gears were greaseless, the tires were threadbare, and the stuffing was leaking out of the upholstery in the rear seat. When Father took the car out for a drive and discovered what we had done to it, he was so mad he wanted to take us both on with bare knuckles and no holds barred. We had to keep out of his sight for several days.
When he took the car to a garage, he found that it needed $300 worth of repairs to make it healthy again. That was the last we ever saw of the Garford. He left it there with a "For Sale" sign on it.
That fall Henry entered the Engineering College at Cornell, but since I was no longer welcome there, I switched to the College of Liberal Arts. By this time I knew my way around, so I arranged a study schedule that would not interfere with my extracurricular activities. It consisted of English 1, a subject that I knew from past experience I could cope with, English Drama, which fitted in more or less with my yearnings to be an actor, French 3, a subject I could easily have taught, French 12, another pushover, and Geology 1, especially designed to help dullards collect enough credits to stumble through a college education.
With a setup like that I was really in a position to enjoy college life— and I did. I soon became prominent as an entertainer at various smokers, banquets, and vaudeville shows of the Class of 1912. But I was not particular. If any other class wanted me to do a monologue, to sing a comedy song with piano solo, or merely to tell a few funny stories, I was always available. My specialty was impersonations; I killed them when I impersonated Mary Garden singing her big aria in Thais.
Besides being an entertainer I participated extensively in baseball, football, and track— by sitting in a grandstand and cheering. The only sports I cared to indulge in personally were Kelly pool and bowling, because they did not interfere with