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164 IT TOOK NINE TAILORS
sive game, for the original cost of a club membership and a set of clubs is small compared to the upkeep.
The cost of caddies is one expensive item. The caddie is the fellow who carries your bag and gives you bad advice on how to play every shot. If you have a regular caddie, he becomes a very expensive luxury; he rules your game with a rod of iron and expects to be paid in large figures regardless of the outcome of the game. If you are not careful, your caddie becomes a dependent, but one you cannot declare in your income tax return. If the caddie gets drunk and is thrown into jail, he will call up and ask you to bail him out; if his wife is going to have a baby, he may want some help in defraying the expenses. There are several insane millionaires among Hollywood golfers who slip their caddies ten dollars for toting their bags around the course. As a result, anybody in the moving-picture business who hands out less is considered an exploiter of the working classes and may receive a dirty look from his caddie.
But there is one more item of expense that few neophyte golfers ever consider. That is insurance. In Hollywood you cannot play golf without insurance. There are too many club throwers exhibiting their temperaments. After all, Hollywood is full of temperament, and there is no better place to see it displayed than on the golf course. Hollywood golfers must have insurance against club throwers.
Johnny Weissmuller is as fine a club thrower as will ever be encountered. He once whizzed a club past my head so fast it sounded like a P-38 in a power dive. Next day I took out insurance. Richard Arlen and Douglas Fairbanks, Jr., are also two famous club throwers. Roy Bargy, the orchestra leader, is very proficient in the art, too. He has probably developed special wrist muscles from waving a baton. His specialty is putters, and he always throws them toward the tops of trees. Two of his putters are still resting in the tops of very high trees on the Bel-Air course.
But the greatest club thrower of all time is Bob Crosby, Bing's